[Estelle]

It was an odd feeling to experience, when she was about to leave for another patrol with Rookfire, when they were instead intercepted by Darkfall stepping in their way. The scent of blood hit her nose before her eyes even registered his horrid appearance and Sleepysunrise had to take a moment of special focus to actually listen and not end up in a reverie of theories for why he looked as bad as he did. But his words were curt and short-lived; he wanted herself and Rookfire to join for a report to Miss Grandmama, and Sleepysunrise could not fathom why. Other than it being related to some sensitive enforcer-specific information, but that would normally come from Miss Grandmama, Hawkbite or Mistlewhisker, not a warrior-slash-former enforcer. Even so, she obeyed and followed Darkfall towards the mouth of the slightly milk-scented den, halting out of habit and being left behind when he entered without (figuratively) knocking. Sleepysunrise would’ve been left mouth agape at such an action, but luckily she was not expressive enough for such thing. She merely blinked a few quick blinks in surprise before her paws hesitantly followed after him, noting the urgency in his voice as he addressed the Queen of Shadows.

But the topic soon turned sour, and her blood ran cold in dreaded anticipation. Darkfall brought up her mama, she wondered why, but a reasonable part of her did not want to know why. Whatever could involve her mama, two toms and Darkfall being as messed up as he was – she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know about their relationship arguments, even if it resulted in a fight. That was their issues, and nothing to bother her, her siblings or Miss Grandmama over. Of course mama would be able to easily beat up Darkfall… What she couldn’t understand, was why mama was not here and why Darkfall felt such a need to bring his issue to her grandmother.

Her gaze and head averted, able to feign little interest in what she thought he would be discussing. He was bringing up so many details – his dislike for a tom, his worry – all over what she believed must have been a petty fight… Until the mention of blood.

Sleepyrsunrise could be dense when it came to reading the den, but she did not lack in intelligence either. Darkfall, unless he misspoke, clearly stated blood had been there upon his arrival, and that bit of news was enough to turn her ears back on her ex-step-father. Unsettling eyes moved from the walls, to the ground and her paws, to the lower legs of the tom who had been speaking so much, a slow blink gracing her face. Blood. In the bog, all around… Before Darkfall arrived.

The wheels in her brain began turning, and the frightning conclusion it was beginning to draw up she did not like. There had to be some logical explanation for what he found. A reason, something Darkfall misunderstood or was explaining poorly. Mama… She wouldn’t… Sleepysunrise’s lips pressed together, unable to meet the tom’s eyes as he continue, ears reluctantly perked to listen further.

It took everything in her willpower for her claws to not unsheathe and tear into the soft soil of the den below, muscles visibly straining when a cold gaze landed upon the former enforcer. Her ears flickered back, briefly, intent on calling out his bluff – calling out how wrong and impossible that was, but he spoke before she could utter a word.

Her teeth gritted within her maw at the mention of Mirepaw’s unwillingness to cooperate. To explain further, to explain what truly happened – even Darkfall she could hardly suspect of keeping such information from Dawnstar, the sentence would surely be death, and he did not seem to have the courage to risk his pelt over keeping his ex-mate’s information private. She hoped not, at least.

...No one who couldn't speak the truth deserved to be in ShadowClan. If Mirepaw was withholding information over mama and her whereabouts – because mama could not simply be dead or killed like some common warrior – then Mirepaw had no place in ShadowClan. And neither did Darkfall, if he withheld as much as her supposed half sister.

A coward. A coward with cowardly excuses… She couldn’t care less about his torn paw pads. If he had the power to get more information then he should have; a ShadowClan warrior should easily be able to best an outsider and a child. And however much she wished he didn’t, he kept. On. Speaking. Sleepysunrise felt tense. Her teeth were gritted. Murder, is what Darkfall suggested, and she hated the implication that mama could be killed so easily. Because she couldn’t. It could not be true. Not by some warrior, even if there were two.

Her tail gave a lash, averted eyes lifting to meet his when a tear rolled from his cheek and tender words uttered from his lips; words which fell on nothing but dead ears. He never saved her. And she never needed saving. Mama was alive, she had to be, and the youngest enforcer could not honour such grand stories… Miss Grandmama had to think the same, she had to confirm this could not be true. My daughter, he said. I’m sorry, he said. But she listened none, her eyes only turned to her grandmother, desperately looking for that confirmation that Darkfall had gone mad.

But as Sleepysunrise looked and studied her grandmother’s face, the realisation dawned on her. Not even Miss Grandmama was denying the accusations, the mere sight was enough to tell her a thousand words. She believed Darkfall – even if the story was too grand, too improbable… Even Miss Grandmama believed him, and Sleepysunrise had to look down when utter shock and distress ultimately began to overtake her senses. Tense muscles turned to strain, clenched jaw felt slack and her eyes began to feel hot with tears and her body near trembling. Everything faded into the background. She could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest, a chest struggling to keep breathing in and out normal breaths and aching under the intent of no oxygen coming near, ear pinned right back and tail nervously tapping the ground. Her eyes flitted to Miss Grandmama, the bitter laugh resonated in her ears but she couldn’t make out the leader’s words. She must be asking them to leave, but why couldn’t she move?

She hated it. She hated this. She hated that such a state overtook her senses, she couldn’t let it win like before, she couldn’t let Miss Grandmama see her weak. She couldn’t let Rookfire see her weak - why did that tom have to be here, skies, he didn’t matter! It wasn’t his mother, not his grandmother, his nothing. Only his mentor. He could have… Could have found out another time; not here, not like this, not with them. She had to hold her breath, forcing her lungs to ache for air but she couldn’t let a breath escape for fear it would be a wail or a scream or both. She had to hold back these tears.

But even through slowly blurry vision, she could see her grandmother. Miss Grandmama must be waiting for her to go, too, praying to the stars neither Darkfall and Rookfire were here… That at least they had heeded Miss Grandmama’s orders. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t just… Leave. A distorted hiccup left her maw the moment it opened just an edge; she had done so much to look strong, but on impulse her paws stepped forth. Only memory of mama’s comforting hugs remained in her mind – the regrets – the family she had left – as he young feline stepped closer to Dawnstar and dared lay her head upon the Queen of Mean in a slow, sudden semblance of a hug. Only then did her vision truly blur over, and did a tear roll down her cheek. If the leader allowed, she wished to hide her face in her grandmother’s fur. She knew Dawnstar may despise her for it; reject her, yell at her. But… She couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry…”
She uttered, knowing she was acting out of step, staying in such position for however long the leader would allow. She did what she could to blink her tears away, regain her cracking composure and speak normally, respectfully, as she should. Let Miss Grandmama alone when that was her wish. She couldn’t have mama be gone, he must have... Misunderstood. But if she was… So many of her siblings were gone too. She couldn’t lose any more. Not them, not Miss Grandmama. If this was a murder attempt – the mere thought of which made her sick to the stomach – Sleepysunrise could not see her remaining family harmed, too.
“He… He must have lied. Be mistaken. But. If he didn’t… I want to protect you, Miss Grandmama. You and… And your kits. Let me stay with you. Again. Please. I-I can stay outside, if you prefer, but. But they cannot go after you… And them, too.”


[ @Undertaker @Dark @alec ]


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…Oh. Miss Grandmama was praising her, and vibrant eyes lifted to better look at the leader. A small warmth ebbed in her chest as the leader spoke, memory returning to that of mama. She… Liked the idea of following in mama’s pawsteps. That is what the enforcer had always strived to do; to follow in mama and Miss Grandmama’s pawsteps. And now… Had she been able to, a small smile would have spread on her maw. Even more so when the leader ultimately accepted the pelt as an offering. It made her. Happy. A strange feeling. Even when she said her skinning needed work, Sleepysunrise didn’t mind. She was happy Miss Grandmama still accepted the pelt, thanked her… Said she had done well. That meant she had to do even better. Keep on this path, continue her research and continue serving her grandmama better and better every day. A warmth briefly flickered across her gaze before she gave a polite nod, returning to the clearing after being dismissed.


[ @/Undertaker ]