[Rani]

Bleedingpaw
Shadowclan Apprentice | He/Him | 10 Moons

Just a Scratch | Shadow Fiend | Hulk SMASH!

The emotions roiling beneath his pelt felt like burning. It was all too much, all too complicated, not one feeling able to be distinguished from the other bar perhaps anger and hurt. Though the details of each remained just as writhing as the toms mind.

He turned to pace the leaders den, knocking against the walls and things with uncontrollable wobbling, more of shaking really, as the leader spoke. Did he believe her of all cats? After Lostspark betrayed him? Could he trust anyones word, their bond, their very actions after his Mama of all cats could act contrary to everything he knew of her? Contrary of everything he knew at all to be honest.


Therein lay the issue really. Perhaps in pieces this all could be understood and handled with more grace but all together it'd destroyed the foundations of Bleedingpaws self and how he understood the world. Fundamental truths were not so anymore, and cast into doubt everything.


For once Bleedingpaws blue eyes were piercing rather then soulful and soft, fixed on the leader as if he was trying to crawl inside her mind and pry appart her words for some measure of understanding. The apprentice was a cat who needed someone to fix himself around, a core, a source, a pillar of faith he could exist for, being a being who did not see himself as valuable enough to do it for himself. It wasnt like he wasnt happy, or content with himself, the golden son was just genuinely someone who existed for others and understood he needed to choose someone incredible to not ruin himself in the process. Lostspark had not been that cat, and if Dawnstar wasnt either....

It'd cost him everything that was left.

But in the end Bleedingpaw was no mind reader. His shaken faith said he couldnt trust. His keen intelligence said she was telling the truth. In the end the decision came down to one simple thing.
What was left of his life and effort if she too was full of words and nothing else?

Between nothing and potentially nothing it was better to try for the potential of nothing.


The words were dull, flat but the emotions within were akin to the edge of a fang.
"I just dont understand it. She loved me, I know she did. She loved you. She loved at least some of my siblings. It wasnt enough, we shouldve been enough for her. Her justifications for this arent enough to justify giving all that up.

It just doesnt make sense, you dont do this to the cats you love."
Love was sacrifice, love was being better for them, being there for them and making their life better by you being in it. Love wasnt hurting your family like this, especially when you could do what caused them this agony with less pain. It wouldve hurt still, but had Lostspark acted differently this couldve been so much better. Cats left the clan, sometimes forever sometimes briefly, it happened. But to fake your death knowing what you'd be leaving behind? It was unconscionable.

From the loss of a mother to that loss being because of betrayal of a family member (sister, the mother herself, what did it matter in the end) the situation must feel like ash in the mouth of the leader.


Bleedingpaw was listening to her however, believing as much as he could believe anything.


@Undertaker