[lone]

Originally Posted by meraki

It was a relief. It really was. With a mind like hers, it wasn't difficult to get stuck in your head, with dark thoughts sticky like cobwebs it was easy to get caught in her own dark spiderweb of thoughts. And sometimes, when she'd get stuck for too long, the dark, evil spider loomed over, it's evil spindly limbs threatening with blood-soaked dagger-like fangs. Sometimes, if she got too stuck, the spider would begin to feast and drain her brain of good thoughts, flipping and twisting and distorting them into cruel, twisted forms of their own. But Cariboupaw, ever good with timing, always managed to free her from the dark web of thoughts before the spider could drain out his own bit of light that still shown, and just looking at him would remind her that there really was still some good in this world. She knew in her heart that he'd be the one to help her slay the evil beast of dark thoughts that resided in her own twisted brain, and she had no doubts of his loyalty. He was always there for her. She knew that. And she was always there for him, and Lightningpaw hoped he knew that.

She looked over at him, thinking deeply; but not too deeply, of course. She liked how he made her think of things that wouldn't get her hooked into her deeper thoughts, and how he distracted her from thinking anything besides what they'd do that day. It was helpful, and she loved that he wanted to help. Worrying about smaller, more petty things always made her feel good, and if she ever got too nervous about something simple, she reminded herself of how she felt when she worried about something not so easy to comprehend. Oddly enough, this helped. A lot, actually. And even though Caribaoupaw hadn't exactly told her to do this himself, it seemed like he was implying it, whether he meant to or not.

Lightningpaw got a lot of ideas from things that she thought he was trying to get her to do or try. And more than half the time, he probably hadn't even been thinking of that. But it worked, and Lightningpaw was glad for that. But other times, when her thoughts got too deep; to the point where she wondered if there was even a point to trying to escape, she thought rather- peacefully. Not in a way that someone would think in her situation. While some would be angry, or maybe very sad, Lightningpaw felt numb- and maybe a little-peaceful. Knowing that she wouldn't have to live like that forever made her almost happy. That eventually, one way or another, she'd be in StarClan, with no worries, no depressing thoughts, no troubles or anything. Just peace. While these were good thoughts in a sense, it scared Lightningpaw. It scared her that she could be so calm when thinking about death. It really did, and she wished she was scared of death; like everyone else. But no one would or could think of her s being weird for thinking likme this, simply because no one knew. No one. Not even Cariboupaw knew of her thoughts on death. And no matter how much she trusted him, she didn't want to worry him. She'd hide this forever, until death awaited her. She'd be at peace. But not quite happy.

Lightningpaw wouldn't be happy until she was with Cariboupaw again. There was a part of her that made her feel selfish to think that, and she hated to feel selfish. Lightningpaw sighed slowly, before realizing that Cariboupaw would be confused to see her sigh. She looked over at him, thinking back to what they'd do that day. "Hm, well I'd love to catch up- I've missed you, if that's not odd, because we see eachother almost every day. I just wish I had more free time to hang out with you, y'know? Being an apprentice isn't as great as I'd hoped it to be." Lightningpaw said, hoping to infer that the reason she didn't like being an apprentice was because of the hard work, rather than her depression. "But hey, if it means we get to be warriors, it'll be worth it." Lightningpaw added. AT Cariboupaw's second question, she thought for a moment. "Well, I really want to have an apprentice of my own. I want to be able to help teach the next era of cats to the best of my ability. I guess it's one way to help out the clan, you know? I also can't wait to be taken seriously," Lightningpaw added as a half-hearted joke, knowing that most warriors only thought of apprentices as kits with an attitude. She couldn't wait to catch up with her friend, she'd missed him, and she didn't like the feeling of missing someone.

Like Cariboupaw, Lightning often thought of the sky. How open it was, how it changed, sometimes beautiful, clear, and sunny, sometimes dark, gloomy, and grey, it amazed her. But what was even more amazing to her was the stars; how even in the dark, dead of night, they still managed to shine down upon them, with the full brilliance that they'd shown the first clan cats there was. She loved how she could depend on the stars, how she knew they'd always be there, even if they did move around throughout the moons. The sky was beautiful, open, free, and dependable. She wished to be a bird, to fly endlessly in the bright blue, the grey, and the dark. Lightningpaw wanted to fly. Fly far, far away, to forget, and to be free. But then, she'd remember Cariboupaw.

She'd remember how he was always there for her, and it was all she could do to return the favor. He'd never leave her, and she'd never leave him; that's how it always had been, and how it would forever be, no matter what obstacle stood in their path. She'd do anything for him. she'd step in front of a twoleg monster, she'd swim across the ocean, she'd fly for him. There was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do for him, and Lightningpaw hoped dearly that he knew that, and no matter what; she silently wished to prove it to him. Even though he had no reason to not trust her, she still wanted to prove her loyalty, and she'd always want too.

Even thought she couldn't be sure, she knew, deep down, that it would one day kill her.

The brown and white patched tom knew that his friend needed him. And he needed her-- without her, he would have probably perished during the time of Ratnight's rule, and he might have even left the Clan long ago. It was a good thing that she tolerated him enough to the point where it wasn't too awkward when they were together. Although they had their ups and downs, just like any other friendship, but they would always make it through. There were times when he wondered if he and Lightningpaw should truly be friends, but the part of his mind that knew they should, that knew they belonged together as friends, always won in the end.

Cariboupaw smiled over at the she cat, looking directly at her. He hated the times when it seemed that things were going to fall apart, as though nothing in the world was as it should be. But he knew that things were going to be alright, that he had to trust that the world knew what it was doing and things were going to turn out just fine. Even if he didn't always believe it, he was constantly living that hope. If he were being honest, he didn't always want to live it. Sometimes he wanted to turn his back on that belief and never look back. He didn't want to believe that things were going downhill, but there were definitely times that he believed they were. That he believed things were going to crash in flames, and then the forest would catch fire, and then everyone living within it would die.

That was the thing with the tom-- once his imagination took off, it was almost impossible to get it to stop. But he never stopped dreaming...because he was a dreamer, hopeful for the future and hopeful for the present. He would never stop believing that things were going to get better someday and he would continue to hope that they would until they really did. That was the only thing that he could do, was hope...because after all, what could an older apprentice/close-to warrior do about the way the Clan was now? They needed a leader, but Gyrewind was away, and because of that they didn't have a Deputy-- Gyrewind was the only leader that they had. He sighed, the tip of his tail twitching back and forth as he thought for a moment.

He was thinking right now, thinking about almost anything that could happen, thinking about what he could do in the future...just thinking. He sighed, before glancing over at his friend again and listening to her speak. "I know what you mean. When I was a kit, I thought of learning how to defend my Clan and fights at the border, and hunting, catching the biggest prey...but none of that's happened. Besides learning how to defend the Clan." The tom sighed, the tip of his tail twitching back and forth, back and forth, hues narrowed angrily as he thought about the false illusion that had been built up. Why had everyone built up being an apprentice so much? It certainly wasn't everything it was cut out to be, and why would anyone think that it was? He knew that once he was a warrior, he would make sure his apprentice knew that being an apprentice wasn't as glamorous as it was cut out to be.

And he wanted to make sure that things would change here. He had great ideas, hopes for the future that he knew would most likely never become reality. But one thing would-- he wanted he and Lightningpaw to be friends for life. To be able to trust each other through everything. He remembered late nights, early mornings, and even the noontime when he would sit outside watching the sky and the stars coming out. He loved watching the sky and stars. The tom glanced up at the sky now, seeing the sun shining down upon the Clans with a bright, friendly light that made him feel comfortable and at home. He loved the daytime, when the sun was out-- but the tom also equally loved the night, with it's dark mystery that seemed to engulf everything around it, snuffing life out and equally giving life to others who might enjoy it. He wished he had a black pelt like Lightningpaw at times, so he could disappear into the shadows and never come out.

Though he wasn't quite sure how things would go with her if that happened. "The first thing I'm going to do when I get an apprentices is have a nice long talk with them about how being an apprentice is not as glamorous as it seems." He mewed, with a short laugh. That really was what he wanted to do. Explain what would happen, and then make them do everything that his mentor had had him do. He realized now that it was preparing him, making him feel special and comfortable around these cats, and he glanced over at the black she cat, his hues twinkling in amusement. In some ways, she reminded him of the night sky. She had a dark, mysterious sense about her, but once he got used to it...it seemed as though the stars had come out and illuminated everything about her, making it twice as bright and beautiful. Cariboupaw wasn't nervous to compliment his friend, since they had been friends forever-- and besides that, it was just a bit of harmless joking, nothing to it.

"You look nice today. Are you doing something new with your pelt?" He asked, examining her as though she were one of his personal projects. She wasn't, of course...both because he didn't really have 'personal projects' and because if he did, he wouldn't change anything about his best friend. Cariboupaw was more of one to adjust to a situation then change it if he was unable to...but if he was able to, he would change it as best he could. It was the type of thing he wanted to do.