Quote:
Originally Posted by Ever
She wasn't sure how to respond to his gratitude. She had never experienced that before, had never had another cat be thankful for something she did. Though that was her own fault as she never did anything for any cat. She'd always been to scared. She thought for a moment to thank him in return for accepting the invitation- but it just seemed like the wrong thing to say. As if that extra encouragement would put him on edge, or lead him to think she'd planned all this. She really hadn't; it'd been a completely irrational invitation. She'd decided to invite him in the moment, acting solely off emotion for once. Though she'd known the risks, she hadn't cared. Nothing truly scared Ebony at this point other than hurting others, her own safety was none of her concern as death would be bliss in her eyes.
Though she found herself thinking that a little less strong as they padded along. If she had a friend, someone who understood her maybe she'd enjoy this life a little more; actually want to live. The black feline's mismatched eyes swept over the the tomcat again, not sorrowful as they were last time but guarded once again a small courteous smile playing on her lips as she let off a short purr of gratitude towards him joining her. It seemed more fitting than words, a more raw way to accept his thank you.
Their pawsteps fell silently on the grassy forest floor as she began to swing their course, setting them into a lengthy circling motion to have them turn back the way they came, back into the silent horror that was their home. Though it seemed a little more welcoming now that she knew there was someone like herself there. Ebony drew in a long breath, trying to think of the right words, some way to thank him for just joining her. For him having said the right words to give her more hope, to help her move on rather than stick in the anxious shell of lonely quiet. She'd made the first step away from it, and as much as the voices pressed against the shadows of her mind for release, to boil her emotions with their anxious whispers, she felt good. She felt better than she had in moons, the best she'd felt since kithood... Before Hannibal had...
She didn't want to think about him, not now, not here. This was her life, not his. She couldn't let his image and fear of him ruin her life forever. As she watched the tom silently out of the corner of her eye she let it go for a moment, that fear and tried to picture herself without it; long term. "I- I didn't think there were others like me here." She dared to say out loud, no louder than a whisper. Her eyes watched the other blankly, carefully, testing the waters as she pushed into a subject a little more personal to both of them. She hoped he would be able to trust her a little, but she could see a fear in the way he acted, in his calculated words and manners. It was something she'd done for moons as well but had only recently abandoned when she realized she no longer feared pain and death for the chance at a friend. Please, do be like me beneath the fear. She pleaded quietly to herself, not letting it show in her eyes. |
Ebony's thank-you purr put Arrow's traditional small smile back on his maw. He dipped his head the slightest bit, but otherwise gave no confirmation. Part of him just wanted to stay here, all night - but he was afraid to. There were predators lurking, sometimes, and even if he was perfectly safe, it might seem rude to come out here with his companion but not return with her. The night was both Arrow's friend and enemy. He feared it, and yet every time night fell, he felt as though he were greeting an old friend. It was confusing to even the brown tabby, and he didn't dare tell anyone else about his mixed feelings. They would view him as crazy. Opinions mattered here, Arrow knew - those who were held in esteem were never threatened. Those who were not, such as the Healers? They were often threatened or at least, abused. And Arrow wasn't willing to risk his life to try and become esteemed - it was a longer road then most thought, unless you were made Co-Commander. But that wouldn't happen to Arrow.
He wasn't the type that got noticed for that kind of thing, he was the... well... more of slink-around-in-the-shadows and stay-out-of-the-way or try-not-to-be-noticed type. And so, Arrow generally tried his best to do those very things. He wasn't noticable. He had a traditional brown tabby pelt, and he guarded himself so that no one would think anything interesting about him. But, didn't every cat want a friend? Didn't every cat want companionship? Yes. Arrow wanted those things, but he was afraid of them. He was more fearful then he appeared to be, and those fears had practically taken over his life. He couldn't have a friend, he couldn't have the companionship that he longed for for so long, because he knew what would happen. Something bad, that was what. It was too dangerous.
Far, far too dangerous. And Arrow was aware of this. So he was careful to keep himself guarded, and safe, and he wouldn't let anyone in. But, he wanted to. He could see that Ebony wanted it - or he had been able to see that. And he wondered, could she see the same? Could she tell beneath his guarded exterior was, well... himself? Oh, Arrow hoped not. He was far more interesting if you could see that, and he never wanted anyone to think that he was interesting. He wanted to be known as boring. A strange thing to want, but that was the very thing the tom wanted. Her words gave him a sudden shock of surprise. The tom's optics moved down towards the ground and he stopped for a moment.
"I... didn't either."
Others like her? Arrow had known that they were similar, he could tell just by the way that she carried herself and... a lot of other things. But the tabby wasn't sure if they were as similar as she thought. Did she fear companionship too? Did she want it nevertheless? He knew that was probably rare, to fear something so much but want it so badly at the same time. Maybe he was the only one who did that. Yet, why was she guarding herself, then? Because of bad cats? Because she was scared? Because... she was like him? Arrow was hoping that she was.
"And... I don't know. Are we?"
His voice was low, nervous, showing that he was scared to ask anything along those lines. It was more vulnerable. But still safe enough, safe enough to the point where he could rescue it. Clumsily, but he could rescue it. Please understand. Please get it. He thought, his eyes nearly closing as he felt a sting of embarassment. If only Ebony understood... maybe, maybe for the first time in a long time, Arrow could be free from keeping his guard up around everyone. Maybe... maybe she would be safe.