[lio]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

The warrior’s eyes seemed to soften just the smallest bit, and for a second, while Powdernose’s eyes were closed - Stonegazer snuck the tiniest look at him. The deputy looked so calm and relaxed, it was… nice. The other tom seemed to always be bursting with energy, or anxiety, or something… and it was good to see him calm and enjoying himself. That moment passed quickly, and Stonegazer looked away, clearing his throat. You are crazy. Absolutely insane. Get back into your mind and pull yourself together, right now. It was one of the moments he had allowed himself to forget where he was and who he was, and Stonegazer regretted it almost instantly. Of course he wasn’t supposed to be here right now. If Powdernose wasn’t the deputy, he probably wouldn’t have come. This just wasn’t Stonegazer’s type of thing.

He wasn’t supposed to be doing something like this. His body tensed up a little more and he returned his gaze to the stars, albeit more reluctant than before. ”They are the most beautiful lights in our world.” Talking with Powdernose was just so easy, it wasn’t fair. His gaze softened once more, muscles relaxing just enough so that his mind was put at ease for another moment. ”When I was a kit, I used to want to touch a star. I thought maybe it would be like… magic.” He was doing it again. He was being completely unprofessional, and that was not right, and he wasn’t being a good warrior. Stonegazer drew his tail against himself, his gaze hardening and muscles stiffening back up, like they were before.

Then, he drew himself against the edge of the nest so he wouldn’t have any more thoughts of being like this. It was unlike him, and he shouldn’t have had anything like that enter his mind in the first place. ”But it was just a crazy fantasy. It was never meant to happen, and it was never going to happen. Just a distraction from real life.” He was talking to himself more, now. Although he would never admit it out loud, to anyone, every once in a while… Stonegazer still had a dream about touching the stars. And he still struggled to get rid of that fantasy. It was the one thing from kithood that had stayed with him, all the way up until now.

powdernose's eyes flicked from their position, landing on stonegazer. he had felt the other warrior shift closer to the edge of the nest, confusion settling in as to why he did so. did stonegazer not enjoy his company? was he being too obvious? did he know? stop being so foolish, powdernose! just listen to him! the deeper, darker voice in his head spoke above the other, bringing a sense of dread to fall in his heart. he's only here because he doesn't want you to be sad. so he doesn't have to deal with your pity-party. all you are is the deputy, and he doesn't want to hurt his place in the clan. his mind swirled, breathing becoming more rapid as the anxiety kicked in once again. leave me alone!

and all at once, it was silent.

finally coming back to reality, powdernose registered the tom's words and frowned deeply. "hey-- hey. it's okay to dream. focusing on what is real for far too long is boring, isn't it? what do you think i've been trying to help you do?" he sighed, "relax. allow your mind to run wild, stonegazer." powdernose stood up and moved closer to the other, pressing his nose to stonegazer's cheek. "you're a hardworker. i like that about you. you're a lovely warrior and as all do, you have your own faults. but that's fine. that's what we're suppose to have. look at me, i'm possibly the laziest and most anxiety-ridden deputy there has ever been!

"but, for a little while, just let yourself live your life. dream of your wildest fantasies. toss reality to the side. okay?" powdernose pulled away, pelt warm with embarassment. he hadn't realized what he was saying, or doing, and had come rather close to admitting what he felt for the other tom. but it wasn't time for that. it would possibly never be time for that.

and yet, he was okay with it, for the most part. all he needed to do was follow his own advice and just live.