Reviewing Your OCs

**TheNyanCatMinecart** · #1 June 18th, 2020, 11:35 AM

This thread is down - I am creating a new thread which will be a bit different from this one where I will still review your OCs.

**-Ash-** · #2 June 18th, 2020, 11:49 AM

Name: Nightkit/Nightpaw/Nightleaf

Gender: She-cat

Clans/Affiliations: WindClan

Ranks: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior

Age: 6 moons (apprentice)/14 moons (warrior)/29 moons when she and Blackfeather (@touka) became mates

Appearance: Sleek black she-cat with leaf green eyes, a torn ear, and a scar on her flank

Personality: Pretty, flirty (until she met Blackfeather), rude at times, obsessed with being everything being perfect, thinks she herself is perfect, hates cats who do things better than her

Backstory: She's my newest character, so not much
She was hunting when she ran into Blackfeather (@touka) The hunted, bumped into each other, fell in love, the end (for now)

Immediate Family: New to RP, unknown

Mate and Kits: Blackfeather (mate [@touka])\

I myself am relatively new to the website. I HAVE more than 100 KK, but how do I give them to you? @TheNyanCatMinecraft

**TheNyanCatMinecart** · #3 June 18th, 2020, 12:39 PM

Name: Nightkit/Nightpaw/Nightleaf

This name might not be the most original; I've seen it a few times before. The prefix Night- is rather overused and so is the suffix -leaf. However, it is a nice name. 6/10

Gender: She-cat

This is fine. There are a lot of female OCs, but you won't get points deducted because of it. 10/10

Clans/Affiliations: WindClan

Okay! WindClan is a really great Clan where I don't see too many OCs go to. This gets instant points (for being a canon Clan). 10/10

Ranks: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior

Cool, cool. Just an average warrior; that's nice. 9/10

Age: 6 moons (apprentice)/14 moons (warrior)/29 moons when she and Blackfeather (@touka) became mates

Okay. How come it took her two extra moons to become a warrior? Normally, training takes six moons, although there can be special circumstances. Since you're still roleplaying with her, it's okay that she doesn't have a determined date of death. 7/10

Appearance: Sleek black she-cat with leaf green eyes, a torn ear, and a scar on her flank

I like the scars; they add a nice touch. Her plain black pelt would match her prefix and the leaf-green eyes would match her suffix. So, although she is a bit plain, it fits. 9/10

Personality: Pretty, flirty (until she met Blackfeather), rude at times, obsessed with being everything being perfect, thinks she herself is perfect, hates cats who do things better than her

"Pretty" isn't a personality trait unless you were referring to the fact that she was really flirty (in that context). Otherwise, though, these personality traits mix well together and it's interesting to see a character like this. One question: wouldn't she maybe go through a bit more character development if Blackfeather affected her life? As in, maybe she'd begin to accept that some cats might be more experienced than her. 8/10

Backstory: She's my newest character, so not much
She was hunting when she ran into Blackfeather (@touka) The hunted, bumped into each other, fell in love, the end (for now)

What about stuff before this point, though? I know that she's new, but maybe stuff in the past that might happen? This is a pretty plain way to meet somebody, no offense; like a love at first sight thing from a chance encounter. I apologize for the low score, but... this isn't a lot to work with. 5/10

Immediate Family: New to RP, unknown

I won't count this, then. So, your score will be out of 90.

Mate and Kits: Blackfeather (mate [@touka])\

What does Blackfeather look like, though? And I'm assuming no kits yet. 6/10

I myself am relatively new to the website. I HAVE more than 100 KK, but how do I give them to you? @TheNyanCatMinecraft

So, my final score for this OC is 70/90. I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh! However, her name is a bit of a cliche (but it is nice) and I really don't have a lot for the backstory and whatnot. She's a work in progress, though, so this score is fine. You're still plenty developing her! To send the KK, go to "My Account" and then go down to "Edit Profile." Scroll down almost all the way and look at the side. In the place referencing KK, click on "Donations and Drawings." There, you can send them to me. Thanks for entering, @TroubleandTsunami!

**-Ash-** · #4 June 18th, 2020, 12:51 PM

No problem! Nightleaf is my newest OC, so it makes sense her score isn't that high. Sending u the KK now! @TheNyanCatMinecart

**sootsplashed** · #5 June 18th, 2020, 01:07 PM

Name: Creek/Creekkit/Creekpaw/Creekfoot/Creekstar (Leader of DuskClan, was a loner as a young kit)

Gender: She-cat

Clans/Affliations: Loner | Kit | Warrior Apprentice | Warrior | Deputy | Leader | StarClan (future)

Age: Kit- 2 moons Apprentice- Six moons Warrior- 15 moons deputy- 25 moons leader- 29 moons

Appearance: Dappled gray she-cat with icy blue eyes

Personality: Creekstar is a very kind soul to her own clan, but when you put her with another clan, she is as mean as can be. She especially hates her half-sister, Sleekstar.

Backstory: Creekstar was born to Rune, (loner) who decided her life would be better in the clans, where her father was. She gave the kits to different clans because she didn't want them to have similar lives. (She was a weirdo) Glow was put in SunClan, Creek in DuskClan, Sleek in MoonClan, and Bug in DawnClan. Bug died very young, while the others lived long enough to become warriors. Glowfall died a few days after her warrior ceremony, leaving only Creekfoot and Sleekice. They tried to be more close, but they failed, and became farther away. The leader at the time, Stonestar, had died and Lightspots (the deputy) became Lightstar, despite her old age. She chose Creekfoot as her deputy, and after a few moons, she died of greencought, leaving Creekfoot as deputy.

Immeadiate family: Fogtail, father. Rune, mother. Glowfall, Sleekstar, sisters. Bugkit, brother

Mate and kits: None yet

@TheNyanCatMinecart

**marshy** · #6 June 18th, 2020, 01:17 PM

(So, i actually haven't rped this character in kit and apprentice hood. So keep that in mind.)

Name: Morningkit|Morningpaw|Morningmeadow
Morning: She was born in very early morning
Meadow: Her pale green eyes

Gender: Female

Clans/Affiliations: Riverclan

Ranks: Kit|Apprentice|Young Warrior| Warrior

Age: 7 Moons(apprentice)|14 moons(warrior)| 30 moons(first apprentice)| 35 moons (her age now)

Appearance: Pale green eyes with bright and fluffy ginger fur, scarring on her backside and around her face from the raids. She's a bit small and isn't that strong. Also, her back is definitely fragile after getting it hurt real bad by her apprentice.

Personality: Bright and Cheery|Not that Confident(trips on her words, can be bad with words etc. although she tries absolute hardest to hide it. When she's given a leader position, this usually fades away.)|Very Loving/Kind|Emotional| Can be bit of a slow learner(as seen in her kit and apprentice years)|Tries her best to be respectful|Often Zones out|Absolutely Terrified of Sootflare(Keeps to herself about it and tries to be respectful around him.)

Backstory: Pretty normal kit hood, got in a bit of trouble as a kit, so had to wait a bit to become an apprentice. Being a slow learner, it took her a while to become a warrior, but she's slowly getting better. Has since lost most of her friends from kithood unfourtnaly. Fast forwarding(still need to think of this part of her life), Her first apprentice was a joy to have, she loved him and still loves him with all her heart. It was a bit hard training him, but she loved it. She hasn't really been able to keep any friends other then Goosefury, but she's trying to make some new ones!

Immediate Family: Doesn't really have any (yet, i still have to find her one.)

Mate and Kits: None.

(Honestly i've been very lazy on her family, i really have to find her one tbh. Also, i knows i gotta work on her backstory as well...) @TheNyanCatMinecart

**Shade.** · #7 June 18th, 2020, 01:21 PM

Name: Dagger
Gender: Female

Clans/Affiliations: Kittypet/ Rouge

Ranks: Kittypet/ Rouge (she's one of those barn cats that technically belong to the farmer but have free reign and are mostly kept for pest control. No one would notice if she went missing)

Age: 28 moons/ 6 moons when her mom died

Appearance: very tall, slender she-cat with short glossy fur and long legs. She is a silver tabby. One of her eyes is blue and the other is amber. She has 2 scars on the side of her muzzle under her blue eye. I have a drawing of her in my album.

Personality: Dagger was a young spunky genius with unpredictable mood swings. Her mother and brothers always knew there was something wrong with her. She didn't seem to show much empathy to strangers or friends. They taught her to behave and hide it. When they were 6 moons old their mom died. All the siblings were sad, including Dagger but soon she got over it once she realised she could do whatever she wanted without consequince. She started manipulating cats and playing mind games, messing with their lives until they became crazy or dead. She is charismatic, crazy, manipulative, intelligent, sarcastic but ocassionally tolerant with family.

Backstory: Most of it is in personality. Moons ago, she met a young, handsome manipulative tom who was "mr popular" of the neighborhood- Hero. He became her rival and they started manipulating cats into conflict- like a cat chess game. Eventually dagger won and Hero saw all his friends leave him and cats killing each other because of their conflict. Hero was never eviland was disturbed by Dagger's cruelty- he never thought they'd cause so much damage. He became a traumatized wreck and is super scared of Dagger. Dagger has done a bunch of other evil stuff such as encouraging attack on the clans.

Immediate Family: Lulu - white, blue eyed cat.
Unknown Rouge- gray, amber eyed tabby tom
Sidney- (Mentallyunstable), light gray and white blue eyed tom
Remi- dark gray amber eyed tabby

Mate and Kits: none

@TheNyanCatMinecart

**Arie** · #8 June 18th, 2020, 01:24 PM

Doepaw

@TheNyanCatMinecart

**TheNyanCatMinecart** · #9 June 18th, 2020, 02:06 PM

For @Sootsplash
Name: Creek/Creekkit/Creekpaw/Creekfoot/Creekstar (Leader of DuskClan, was a loner as a young kit)

Okay, this makes sense. I haven't seen the name Creekfoot very often, so that's nice. Creek- is a moderately used prefix while -foot is rather underused. Good job. 9/10

Gender: She-cat

Okay. Nothing wrong with that. 10/10

Clans/Affliations: Loner | Kit | Warrior Apprentice | Warrior | Deputy | Leader | StarClan (future)

This is cool. Leaders are a bit overused, but they're fine. You kinda combined two parts of the form, which would be ranked out of 20... so, he's of DuskClan? I've seen this name a bit before, but not a ton. 16/20

Age: Kit- 2 moons Apprentice- Six moons Warrior- 15 moons deputy- 25 moons leader- 29 moons

He joined a Clan around two moons, I'm guessing? Correct me if I'm wrong. Otherwise... 29 moons seems a bit young to be a leader. That's only a bit over two years. Maybe he'd be a bit older? 8/10

Appearance: Dappled gray she-cat with icy blue eyes

It's impossible for a cat to have blue eyes and no white fur, but hey, this is the Warriors world, so it's okay. The eye color is a bit overused, but I like the dappled gray fur. It's cute. Although this description is a bit plain... maybe add a small tweak or two? A scar, or maybe something else about their body? 7/10

Personality: Creekstar is a very kind soul to her own clan, but when you put her with another clan, she is as mean as can be. She especially hates her half-sister, Sleekstar.

This isn't a lot to go off of, but I like how she's really touchy about other Clans/doesn't like them. I don't see that a lot, so it's nice. Still, though, her personality could be fleshed out a lot more here. 6/10

Backstory: Creekstar was born to Rune, (loner) who decided her life would be better in the clans, where her father was. She gave the kits to different clans because she didn't want them to have similar lives. (She was a weirdo) Glow was put in SunClan, Creek in DuskClan, Sleek in MoonClan, and Bug in DawnClan. Bug died very young, while the others lived long enough to become warriors. Glowfall died a few days after her warrior ceremony, leaving only Creekfoot and Sleekice. They tried to be more close, but they failed, and became farther away. The leader at the time, Stonestar, had died and Lightspots (the deputy) became Lightstar, despite her old age. She chose Creekfoot as her deputy, and after a few moons, she died of greencought, leaving Creekfoot as deputy.

This is an okay backstory. Her father was a Clan cat; which Clan? Also, how come she and Sleekstar grew farther apart? As in, what did they do to each other? Did something go wrong? I mean, what exactly went wrong? And did Lightstar die from greencough all nine times? This is a pretty okay start, but it's not a lot. 6/10

Immediate family: Fogtail, father. Rune, mother. Glowfall, Sleekstar, sisters. Bugkit, brother

Okay, but what do they look like? 6/10

Mate and kits: None yet

Okay, that's fine. 10/10

Overall, this is a pretty good OC. You got 78/100. She could use a tiny bit of work on what she looks like and more on her backstory and personality.

I'll do everybody else's soon!

**TheNyanCatMinecart** · #10 June 18th, 2020, 02:16 PM

(So, i actually haven't rped this character in kit and apprentice hood. So keep that in mind.)

Okay, I will!

Name: Morningkit|Morningpaw|Morningmeadow
Morning: She was born in very early morning
Meadow: Her pale green eyes

It's cool that you gave me the reasoning; thanks for that. Morning- is a very cute and underused prefix, and -meadow is underused as well. However, this is a bit of a mouthful to say... but it's original. 9/10

Gender: Female

Okay. 10/10

Clans/Affiliations: Riverclan

Her whole life? That makes sense (something might change in RP, though). 10/10

Ranks: Kit|Apprentice|Young Warrior| Warrior

Okay, this is fine. I like how you specified the warriors. 10/10

Age: 7 Moons(apprentice)|14 moons(warrior)| 30 moons(first apprentice)| 35 moons (her age now)

Okay; if you haven't roleplayed with her too much yet, then it makes sense that she wouldn't have a full age. But how come she was apprenticed late? And her training took a bit longer than usual, too. 8/10

Appearance: Pale green eyes with bright and fluffy ginger fur, scarring on her backside and around her face from the raids. She's a bit small and isn't that strong. Also, her back is definitely fragile after getting it hurt real bad by her apprentice.

Ooh, I really like this! Surprisingly, I haven't seen a ton of ginger OCs. The pale green eyes are cute and fit her well, and the scars are nice as well. I like the details about the scars and back... I really can't find any fault with this. Well, except for the fact that ginger cats are often used with green eyes... but she's still unique. 9/10

Personality: Bright and Cheery|Not that Confident(trips on her words, can be bad with words etc. although she tries absolute hardest to hide it. When she's given a leader position, this usually fades away.)|Very Loving/Kind|Emotional| Can be bit of a slow learner(as seen in her kit and apprentice years)|Tries her best to be respectful|Often Zones out|Absolutely Terrified of Sootflare(Keeps to herself about it and tries to be respectful around him.)

I'm interested in why she's so scared of Sootflare, but I supposed that that will be explained. These personality traits fit well together. But you mentioned her becoming a leader... you didn't mention that above. And why would those traits disappear? Wouldn't becoming a leader make her even less confident? 9/10

Backstory: Pretty normal kit hood, got in a bit of trouble as a kit, so had to wait a bit to become an apprentice. Being a slow learner, it took her a while to become a warrior, but she's slowly getting better. Has since lost most of her friends from kithood unfourtnaly. Fast forwarding(still need to think of this part of her life), Her first apprentice was a joy to have, she loved him and still loves him with all her heart. It was a bit hard training him, but she loved it. She hasn't really been able to keep any friends other then Goosefury, but she's trying to make some new ones!

Aw, this is cute! Thanks for explaining the whole "apprenticed late" thing. Since you're still roleplaying, I won't judge you too harshly on this. One question: how did she lose her friends? With age/growing up? 9/10

Immediate Family: Doesn't really have any (yet, i still have to find her one.)

Okay, then I won't make it count. So, out of 90.

Mate and Kits: None.

This is fine. 10/10

(Honestly i've been very lazy on her family, i really have to find her one tbh. Also, i knows i gotta work on her backstory as well...) @TheNyanCatMinecart

It's okay! Your overall score is 84/90! She's great, it's just that she needs some tweaks here and there. I don't have too much to say. @:Grimm: