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**Starfall** · #**6523** Today, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beaan

cw; self hate

This was all his fault. Wolfhawk clenched his jaws, worried about what fate he would meet. Exile? Death? All the options seemed to be on the table. All because he had been stupid. The large tom watched as Spiderthroat exited the den. As soon as the deputy started speaking, the medic hung his head in shame, trying not to break. He held back a snarl once mudhound had come up. He had chewed up the herbs, he only asked them to swallow. What is with everyone getting the story wrong?! He knew it was not the time to protest however.

Hollows wasn't getting demoted. But. As soon as the deputy turned to him, he shrunk. Wolfhawk just wanted to crawl into a corner and die right then and there. Instead they were being scolded and humiliated in front of the entire clan.

"You are no longer Wolfhawk, Medicine cat of ThunderClan. You are Wolfpaw, apprentice."

No. It was gone. All of it. Green eyes became tearful, his brown pelt bristled. He had lost all of it. Not because he had done it willingly, like he had hoped. Because he was incompetent, stupid, and had a lack of a brain. Nine moons of his life had vanished in the blink of an eye. Wolfha- no. Wolfpaw felt like the same scared apprentice trapped under that damn tree. He couldn't breathe.

His inner doubt thrived from this however. You were never good enough. Should have left when you could. Look what happened now. It's your fault. Always. Your. Fault.

Should have left when you had the chance. "I wanted to step down," he said,voice barley above a whisper. "B-Before the otters, I-I wanted to leave. But then Bumblestar didn't wake up, a-and I needed to do everything. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to retire. A-And i'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," the tripod muttered, tears streaming down his face. He got what he wanted, but not in the way he had hoped. He would try. He would try to be a good apprentice, try to let go of his past and learn from his mistakes. But at the moment, it felt utterly hopeless.

And he hated that familiar feeling.

[ @Neptune. @Starfall ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neptune.

Public humiliation it is, then. Spiderthroat yells. Cats gather, their gazes scathing and they mutter either out loud or under their breaths. And Hollowpaw can't bring himself to believe it's unneeded. He hadn't thought himself arrogant or that he'd known or been better than anyone else all thanks to his rank before all this, but Spiderthroat's words plant the thought in his brain and, even as he shrinks to the ground, belly flat against the dirt and ears pinned to his head, he cannot help but wonder if maybe he really had thought of himself that way.

There is no demotion that faces him. But the no demotion is probably far worse than actually being demoted. With it, comes a promise of exile - probably a hidden threat of death, too - if he messes up even slightly one more time. It's meant to scare him, it's meant to light a fire under him, it's meant to tell him exactly where he stands at the moment. And where he stands is on a patch of leaf thin ice in the center of the ocean. No way out. No way to safety. But his feet are still on relatively solid ground for the time being, even if it cracks and wobbles. He isn't drowning yet.

Wolfhawk-- Wolfpaw-- is not as fortunate. His demotion is done with malice and what Hollowpaw can only fabricate in his own interpretation of the anger in Spiderthroat's voice as vindictive glee. Hollowpaw does not take pleasure in all that's said, but he can't feel as though this is the wrong course of action. The only reason he himself does not face the same fate is because he'd tended to Dragonflycliff. He'd played first responder to Bumblestar's wounds but from there... nothing. Incompetence. His fault she'd lost another life. Not Wolf's. His. He has half a mind to point that out, but Hollowpaw is not a glutton for punishment, and he thinks Spiderthroat already knows this, anyway. There's no point bringing it up.

He nods, minutely, an acknowledgment. He wants to retreat into the crowd, to vanish from sight, but he forces himself to stay rooted to the spot. He has half a mind to offer some form of comfort to Wolfpaw, but he instead just curls his tail in tighter against himself. This will not happen again.

Spiderthroat
He/Him || ThunderClan Deputy
Beefed Up Tier III || Just a Scratch || Hulk SMASH

He watched as Hollowpaw shrunk, he watched as Wolfpaw began to finally feel remorse for what he'd done. Or lack of what he was supposed to do. Ears twitched, tail lashed. He'd finally found out what he wanted to say. And how.

"Sparrowpelt." he called ( @SuspiciousMindz ) , "Go grab Treetiger. Wake her up if needed, if only for a little bit. Bring her up front beside the medicine cat apprentice, and apprentice." he instructed. He didn't need her fully awake, he just needed her awake for a moment. He didn't understand how she did what she did, but he was sure it tied back to why she was so tired.

"While he's grabbing her. Wolfpaw. I don't care that you had planned on retiring. You didn't. And instead you're getting fired. It takes guts to admit you need to step back, but you seem to lack that. You needed to do everything, but you didn't do anything." he shot back.

But. With that. His rage began to simmer. They both seemed to regret their lack of action. That, although not nearly what he wanted. Was enough. Either way, he still turned to Hollowpaw.

"You will not be the Medicine Cat. You will remain the Medicine Cat Apprentice, you will report every moment you get training, every moment you learn something that will support healing your Clanmates. Doesn't have to be verbal reports. Simply come see me is all I'll need. As soon as Bumblestar wakes up, it'll be passed to her, or stay with me. It's undecided." a pause.

As he was waiting for Sparrowpelt to get back, a voice called out from the crowd. His anger was simmering, but it wasn't gone. Without looking at the warrior he answered with a simple "I don't care for those who try 'n' do good deeds in order to get a rank. Sit down until you're needed." was all he said towards Hickorysmoke.

@SuspiciousMindz

"Treetiger." he called, assuming Sparrowpelt had come out with a rather Sleepy Treetiger at this point in time. "Do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?" he asked. If Bumblestar didn't wish for this, she could smack him later. But right now he needed to make sure they were stable. The otters were gone...but he needed to ensure some semblance of peace was kept. That and he really didn't want to deal with those who attempted to do good deeds to get noticed for a potential rank. So here he was, wiping that out right at the gate.