Do you remember when you took me to climb my first tree? I got so scared I needed you to come up and help me down and I thought I had to run away forever because all ThunderClan cats have to climb trees.
Well, I'm all grown-up now, and I could live my whole life in the canopy and never touch the ground again. I dare to get as close to the sky as I can until the trunk gets so thin I can fit it between my teeth.
Do you remember when you taught me to fight? I wasn't very good at it and I started to cry when I got too frustrated. I wanted to give up so bad and become a kittypet instead.
Well, I'm all grown-up now, and I'm still not very good at fighting, but I'm not dead yet. Or...
Do you remember my first robin?
Do you remember when I was born? Was I a good kit? Was I annoying? Tiresome? Was it difficult? Do you miss me then? I don't think anybody liked me.
Do you remember my apprentice ceremony? I can't anymore. Were you proud? Did you cry?
Do you remember when I became a warrior? Were you there?
Do you miss me at all?
Do you think I'm brave?
Am I a disappointment?
What do you think of me?
Do you still watch over me?
Do you love me?
Did you ever love me?
Well, I'm all grown-up now, and I don't need to know.
When everything got so difficult and you weren't there to help, I had to stop caring. I never wanted to forget you, or forget anything at all, but sometimes you have to let go. I think you let go, too.
I told myself I have to love myself. I have to try, or else I'll be miserable always. I still feel miserable. Maybe I'm miserably in love. That's the only way I ever loved. I think you lied. Love isn't a rosy dream. It doesn't look like a perfect rose or fresh snowfall. I don't think anyone loves perfectly. You lied to me, but that's okay. I think I love in the way a fallen log is rotted and mossy. Someday I'll admit I love myself. That I love anybody.
I think you love like a rosebush.
I miss so many people but grieving killed everything in me. Did you watch as my friends came and went? They loved like rainstorms. That's why I'm all rotten. I love so bad it destroys my life.
I don't know how you did it. I think I've been very ungrateful. I always wanted more from you and you never gave it up. I don't know how you did it. I don't have a family anymore and I don't know how I can give up any more of myself. I don't know if there's anything left.
I don't want to speak about myself. What about you? Or anyone else? I'm not the only one around but it's always me. I can't find anybody else. I'm talking to myself. It's the younger version of me. Did you like him better?
I'm all grown-up, and I don't like it. I'm sorry.
love, alder
your son
p.s. i don't love you
Last edited by odessa; December 10th, 2024 at 07:25 PM.
Reason: grosses myself out and throws tomatoes
i told you i'd be back and you're not anywhere, i can't find you, please tell me you're okay. please tell me i'll see you again someday. please. i promised i'd be there for you. where are you? come back. do my promises mean nothing to you?
if I could tear off my claws and leave them here for you, I would. I'd hope they leap up and rip you apart like acid on your skin.
I know you. You're too young to know me yet. Know that you are my greatest enemy. I hear your voice in my head every day. You mock and seethe, and I bear your arrogance. Someday -
You stay too long. I'm killing you.
to:
from: foxstep
I'm sorry. I hope your new deputy serves you better.
to: drizzlecloud
from:
I miss you. I hope you're alive out there, probably still healing cats, since you were so good at that. I admit that, in death, I never watched for you. I don't like to find bad news, so don't tell me anything. You remind me of somebody I once knew. I forgot them, but I guess I can't forget you. I hope your nights are peaceful. Sorry I mauled my clanmates and sent them to your den. At least I'm not complaining in your ear now, yeah? Bye.
to: sparrowpelt
from:
You're annoying and weird and also also and bothering me and you're kinda stupid for getting stuck.
letters to nobody
