Cattail Pond

[wren]

Originally Posted by Exis

Beastgrowl laughed a bit before smiling, “Well my pop’s used to tell me I had nothin goin on in there.” he said laughing. How beautiful this night was. How beautiful Lemondrop was, so close to him and yet it felt like a million miles away. He leaned over and gave her a lick on the forehead before turning away to look at the stars. “I’d say he wasn’t far off from the truth.” he mewed sitting down in the water to be more comfortable.

Lemondrop
——————

Ok that was a laugh. That was good. A laugh was good. Even then though the nervousness that perhaps something was still off rattled around in her brain. How couldn’t it be? He was acting off. She stared ahead for a moment before he spoke. She glanced briefly in his direction. “You’ve got more in there then you are letting on” she countered raising an eyebrow at him. “I think your fad was just wrong” she added to the end giving a satisfied nod.

As the large tom turned to give her a lick on the forehead she was.. completely stunned and could only stare right ahead. She couldn’t.. even articulate any words. “Y’a.. y’a.. or not.. sorry.. he’s not right” she quickly corrected glancing over at him again.

[Akira]

Creekripple sat by the edge of Cattail Pond, laying on his back while his belly soaked up the rays of the sun. This was nice. The dark brown tabby tom may be a young warrior full of energy, but he still loved to just sit and listen to the sounds of the river and rain. His white belly moved with his breathing, and he creaked one blue eye open. Perhaps he should go hunting? That would help the Clan. With a soft grunt, he rolled onto his paws and stalked along the pond's edge, waiting for prey to arrive.

(Open!)

[Dizerel]

Finally, getting a chance to calm down a little bit after what happened. The blood was already dried to her fur, so washing it out would be an issue. Especially the blood on her front, as there was not an easy way to reach it with her paws.

Taking a few steps into the pond, just to get her paws wet. Maybe soaking for a bit, relaxing and trying to get what happened off her mind. She would need to be in a better state to tell Kestrelwing what happened, anyways.

How could she do this? Why wouldn't starclan stop her? Already, doubt was starting to creep at her mind. Normally it was easy to just push it away with self affirmation as she usually does, but a part of her felt like she deserved it. It was a tough decision. That dark voice is what got her into this mess. Was listening to it now really gonna improve her situation?

// @spade

[spade]

Once the last bit of patrols had been reported in, and Kestrelwing felt that he could finally slip away, the gray tabby left camp under the veil of dusk. It was easy to track Junipersong's scent through the undergrowth, slipping past reeds and rocks. Whatever kind of blood had been on her must've dried by now, as he didn't see any trace of it along the path he now followed.

But it memory served him right, Cattail Pond was the closest place to camp that Junipersong might go - the only other options being the training island that would be full of apprentices, or the border. Showing an enemy that she was covered in blood? Not something the tank of a warrior would do. So that left the pond.

"Junipersong," Kestrelwing called as he spotted her soaking in the pond. From what he saw it would take a bit to get all of the blood off. He didn't mind. He needed to know what happened.

He made his way to the pond until he stood on the bank, paws barely in the water and yellow eyes narrowed at her. Kestrelwing didn't speak again, didn't make any other movement, as he waited for his Clanmate to explain what exactly had happened.


// @Dizerel

[Dizerel]

Originally Posted by spade

Once the last bit of patrols had been reported in, and Kestrelwing felt that he could finally slip away, the gray tabby left camp under the veil of dusk. It was easy to track Junipersong's scent through the undergrowth, slipping past reeds and rocks. Whatever kind of blood had been on her must've dried by now, as he didn't see any trace of it along the path he now followed.

But it memory served him right, Cattail Pond was the closest place to camp that Junipersong might go - the only other options being the training island that would be full of apprentices, or the border. Showing an enemy that she was covered in blood? Not something the tank of a warrior would do. So that left the pond.

"Junipersong," Kestrelwing called as he spotted her soaking in the pond. From what he saw it would take a bit to get all of the blood off. He didn't mind. He needed to know what happened.

He made his way to the pond until he stood on the bank, paws barely in the water and yellow eyes narrowed at her. Kestrelwing didn't speak again, didn't make any other movement, as he waited for his Clanmate to explain what exactly had happened.


// @Dizerel

She jumped a bit as a voice called out to her. Had she been found out? Turning around, relaxing somewhat as she saw it was just Kestrelwing. That still wasn't good, as it meant that she would have to explain herself. This wasn't going to be easy. Along with her mounting nerves about talking to Kestrelwing, the idea of admitting to anyone about her darker side was a fright. She wanted everyone to know her for her bright, happy self. The side of her that she put so much effort into, that she constantly had to push herself to become. Letting someone know that she wasn't the same way on the inside felt like a defeat. Like she had failed in her goal.

"Alright. From the start. We went to smallpines, We were first patrolling the border and exploring the area for any intruders or any scent of coyote. Before long, I had lost track of Splashleap. I didn't know exactly where the coyote den was, but I knew the general area, and tried to track it by scent, hoping Splashleap would meet me there. When I found it, there was still a vaguely fresh scent of coyote inside, so I had to check it out. Inside was a deceased mother, likely having died only a few hours before I arrived, and a pup that had probably been born a few days beforehand."

She had to take a pause. Trying to come up with how to describe what happened next wasn't going to be easy. She visibly started breaking down, collapsing into the water, her head just barely above the surface. "I did something horrible. I took it all out on that little thing. All my worry, my doubt. My anxiety, my fears of my clanmates getting hurt. All I could think about when I saw that little thing was how you had almost died during the predator patrol. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Its why I followed after the patrol and disobeyed orders. Its probably why I did what I did."

Drawing in a long, slow breath. Then looking down at her paws, now covered in a mixture of mud and blood. "I killed the thing. Not just killed it. I tortured it slowly. It was totally defenseless to my assault. I surgically tore it apart piece by piece just to hear its pained cries and yelps. I-" She couldn't continue describing it anymore. The scene was still fresh in her mind, its weight extremely heavy on her soul. She tried drowning her thoughts out by pushing her head down into the water of the pond, holding herself down there to the point that Kes might think she would pass out from lack of air.

[spade]

The initial reaction that Junipersong had to him arriving confused the tom. Kestrelwing was a Clanmate, not a threat. He thought the first set of shock would wear off once she recognized that, but still a mask of unease covered her expression. What was doing on in her mind. What had happened at the border that made her look like this?

As she began to explain the beginning, Kestrelwing just nodded, imaging the scenario in his head. Splashleap and Junipersong getting split up; both of them marking the border but Splashleap heading back, thinking Junipersong had already gone back to camp, but Junipersong staying in the cave, inching closer to the remaining pup.

Honestly, no emotion at first showed in Kestrelwing's expression as he watched his Clanmate recount the events. The murdering of the pup. Taking out all her worries on it. Blinded by anger and loyalty and grief. Much like how he'd been when he'd come across the rogue in the territory. How each slash of his claws felt like a personal trial being resolved. How soon his paws and chest were soaked in blood, the body before him now unrecognizable.

Kestrelwing swallowed a lump that he hadn't notice rise up before as memories cascaded down in his mind. The limp body of the rogue. His conflicting emotions. Fawnsqueak helping him dispose of it. How old had the cat been? Older or younger than him? Had he taken the life of someone's child? Father? Brother? It felt like a voice was screaming in his head with all the thoughts that raced around.

She had did this because of the coyote that had almost killed him? She cared for him? Of course she did - everyone cared for their Clanmates in that regard. But this felt like more... The possibility that Junipersong would put her life in danger by attacking one of the remaining pups because she had feared for his life? He was disposable. Easily replaced.

"No!" Lunging forward, Kestrelwing dug his paws into the riverbed below him, propelling himself until he stood over Junipersong. Without hesitation he laced his teeth through the scruff of her neck, hauling upwards with all the strength he could until he felt her head begin to lift. Out of the water, out of the abyss that she had tried to drown herself in. Dropping her scruff now, he backed up and looked her dead in the eyes, pupils narrowed. "You did what was best for RiverClan, do you hear me? That pup would've grown up to become a real threat. We've already lost Firehawk. We can't afford any creature, no matter their age, to threaten more RiverClan lives. Do you understand?" His tone was deep and snarly, though laced with a sense of urgency as he spoke.

He'd made a promise to Lionstorm that he intended to keep, and however she had gotten there, Junipersong had played a part in helping him keep it. No creature would ever take another RiverClan life again.


// @Dizerel

[Dizerel]

As she held her head beneath the water, there was an immediate sense of relief. She didn't intend at first to keep her head under the surface for too long, just wanting to splash water over her face to sort of 'wake up' from what she was going through and restart her mind to hopefully start thinking through all of this with a fresh mindset. However, as she kept her head under the water, the thoughts were not going away. Maybe she had to keep her head down here for longer? Or maybe she deserved this. Maybe she could hide away from the world and from her terrible actions if she kept herself down here. Her vision, as dark as it was under the water, getting darker. Drifting away. Away. away.......

-gasp!-

Her head suddenly yanked up out of the water, her body forcing herself to draw in air, lungs filling up as consciousness returned, color coming back to her vision as she shook herself about. What had she just done? What did she just try to do?! That was crazy!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. MAKE IT STOP!" She screamed. Talking about the voice that was constantly at battle with herself. The voice of doubt that always tried to hold her back, that kept her from becoming the best self she could possibly be.

Looking Kestrelwing back. Unreadable emotions flicking across her gaze. "I know it was for the good of Riverclan. I would have killed the pup either way. Its just... the method I did it. It was so excessive. So unnecessary. It makes me feel like a monster that I would give in to my emotions and do something like that, especially to something so defenseless. I just have these.... these dark thoughts. They feel so natural, they occur all the time, every day. They want me to do terrible and evil things. They want me to be someone who I don't want to be. I don't want to be like that. I cant be like that. I refuse to. Its just... sometimes I give in. I have trouble dealing with the consequences, and letting people see me in a different light than what they usually do."

She paused for a long moment, looking down at the pond, there was a mixture of mud that had been disturbed, creating a cloud of it in the water, as well as blood starting to flake off her fur and dissipate, adding a red tint to all the murky brown. "Do you hate me for that?"

// @spade

[Mango]

@Romulus @wnder

Blizzardsky gave the largest smile at his father, he was much smaller than he remembered, I guess that was because he had grown much more,” Blizzardsky” he quickly corrected him, he didn’t like being called an apprentice, but what could he do about it, Bumblebelly didn’t know any better,” oh uhh, hi Sootstar.” he meowed as he didn’t know the true story behind Sootflare fleeing the clan. He pressed himself gently against his father purred, though his father would be sad to learn he was the last of his siblings still around in Riverclan.

[spade]

A knee-jerk reaction caused Kestrelwing to flatten his ears against his head and for his claws to slid out. One moment Junipersong was still and the next she was thrashing about, yelling. What had gotten into her?? Where had all of this come from? He knew her as the happy cat, the one who always had a kind comment to give whether the recipient wanted to hear it or not.

At first it sounded like the work of a Dark Forest warrior. Had they infiltrated his home? Was there some sort of plan in the works to twist around the roots of loyalty that already had some cats dug so deep into RiverClan? No, that was foolish. Their threats were real, tangible opponents that surrounded them from either side. The other three Clans, coyotes, and now foxes apparently.

Kestrelwing had no time to waste any worry on evil dead cats coming back with a vengeance. To him, they had no more control over the living than they had when they were alive - actually, even less than that! He would give them no piece of his mind, no space to plant seedlings of doubt in his own Clanmates.

"...I do not hate you, Junipersong." The warrior forced himself to speak calmly, a rare sight for anyone who knew the impulsive and rash tabby. His yellow eyes were still narrowed though, but had lost a bit of their edge. "You're an intelligent cat, so I know that you know what is good and bad in light of the warrior code. You can utilize these thoughts against our enemies. Against those who wrong RiverClan."

Again, he thought back to his own battle against the rogue in the territory. How brutal he'd been. Reckless, almost craving the taste of crimson blood that flowed with each claw slash. No - no, no, no. Not the time.

"You're an exceptional warrior of RiverClan. One of the toughest we have. You're a good cat, Junipersong. Know that that is true, and let everything else melt away." Was he talking to himself now? Or Junipersong? The lines were muddied, and not for the first time that day he heard the whisper of his mother dance around his ear.

"Little bird. I am so proud of you..."

For a brief moment his own gaze clouded over, and slowly his yellow eyes went round again. Mother... No. No, no, no. He couldn't fall into that memory pit - not right now. Refocusing his attention on Junipersong, he examined her. "Are you sure you're not injured?"


// @Dizerel

[Dizerel]

Relief flooded over her. He didn't hate her. That was good. That was what she cared about most from admitting all of this. Above all else, she didn't want her clanmates, especially Kestrelwing, to think she was some sort of psycho. Her fur all wet, dripping into the water, creating a sound that echoed over the dark waters as the night began to still once more. It was a lot to go through. Especially when inflicted upon oneself.

"Maybe... I'm still young. I still have a lot to learn. I don't much prefer to be in the spotlight. I lead and inspire so that others can be their best. I always live by the motto 'together, we are strong'. I am nothing without my clanmates surrounding me. Clanmates like you" she reached out, touching her nose to his shoulder if he would let her. "Others may not like you. But I do. I see every part of you. You may be shaken up from the past, but you keep pushing. Your attitude wont stop me from appreciating what you do. Its a difficult thing to say but.... I like spending time with you. No amount of you being grumpy will stop me from wanting to be around you. I guess I care a lot about what you think. Is that too weird?"

// @spade