ThunderClan: Life Before 2023's Sinkhole - Page 1574

**versailles** · #**15731** April 24th, 2022, 11:48 PM

➵ [ sleethound | he/him ]

a tattered ear perked at jaystride's call and the large tom stood up, giving his pelt a light shake before padding over. "i can help with any den."

__

➵ [ cornpaw | he/him ]

hearing jaystride's announcement, the apprentice simply stood there for a moment. it all sounded boring to cornpaw, honestly, but his paws ached from scraping away at dirt for hours. so, he eventually made his way over.

**Abyssopelagic** · #**15732** April 25th, 2022, 03:13 AM

Dimhazel can only blink and step away from the shrieking cats as Shiningskies makes her announcement, only for the entire Clan to desend into chaos. Even if things hadn't gone into such an uproar, they would have declined to vote- on Nectarflame at least.
What happened, any and all of it, was beyond their knowing. They had been gone and therefore no conceivable idea the true scope of what any of their clanmates went through, but found what the molly herself said to be true. The actions of someone else couldn't be blamed solely on another, no matter how indirectly tied to the action they were. If it was not their paws that struck the blow, was not the cat that directly ordered it, the blame shouldn't fall on them, and especially not on them alone.
The entire night was a bloody mess, even just trying to keep up. What had happened to their Clan while they were away? Maybe they should have stayed out in the territory and done something else rather than coming back today.

**littlelove** · #**15733** April 25th, 2022, 03:16 AM

And so the chorus started. Immediately cats started screeching about Firebird, raising Cinderpaw’s fur in annoyance. One of these cats was currently prisoner. The other wasn’t. And she sure as hell wasn’t seeing anyone step up to right that. Bumblepaw’s particularly loud cry made her heart ache - she had genuinely thought the other apprentice would be on the same page as her for this. Her claws scraped against bark as she spoke.

“I don’t really care who goes first, but Nectarflame has killed cats in Thunderclan. Firebird hasn’t killed anyone at all, and the rest of you were also happy to stir up drama with just your words at the Gathering. Weren’t some of you celebrating Kestrelstar’s death? Unless you all are about to take the weasel prisoner so we can get on with the other traitor’s trial, I don’t wanna hear another word about it. If the warriors who are complainin’ can do something for themselves for once, that’d be great.” As for where they’d stop, Cinderpaw paused. Where would they? She knew it was awfully easy for things like this to spiral - she sure as hell wasn’t any Dawnstripe - but didn’t clan cats kill? Nectarflame was not Thunderclan anymore, at least not to her. Why should she be spared of the fate a prisoner from another clan would no doubt die by? Her tone grew a bit softer. “I’d… be happy if she left and just stayed gone, honestly, but there’s no way to guarantee that, Bumblepaw. There’s no other way to make sure she won’t circle back around and try to ruin us again, and there’s no other way to make sure that the cats meant to protect us wouldn’t just let us take the brunt of it. If you guys insist on letting her be exiled, I can live with that - but won't be shouldering the blame if she hurts us again.”

And then another cry grated her ears. A certain stonefaced molly had decided to speak her mind, and forest-fire eyes swiveled towards Cindersky. Annoyance bubbled in the apprentice’s chest as she whined about how strong Thunderclan had been, and how much they’d become like Shadowclan - ignoring the fact that Nectarflame wanted them to become like Shadowclan in the first place. “You definitely aren’t listening to me right now. With how the rest of you are acting, you certainly haven’t proven that you think we're worth something.” She pointed to herself, and then back at the crowd. They’d remained shockingly sedentary at the news of Firkit’s death… hardly any even spoke about it as they protested. It only cemented something in Cinderpaw’s mind that had been growing for moons, to the point it was now unavoidable - they cared more about the fate of a traitor than their own kits. “I will be shaken by her ‘mistakes’ forever. All of us will, because apprentices and kits are the ones being killed - not you. We don’t matter to you until we get some pretty little word tacked onto the ends of our names. How horrible is that?”

Upset and irritation grew as the warrior continued. How could she claim to know what Cinderpaw would feel? “You don’t even know what the Riverclanner who ripped apart my face looked like, or who’s bodies I see in my dreams, or how many nights I stayed awake wanting to rush into Dawnstripe’s den and fight her and let her tear my throat open because I’d never, ever win ‘cuz I’m so tired of our pain being stared away from - not like any of you would care, anyway. I feel so many things about you warriors that you will never feel back ‘cuz you treat us all like fodder.” The snarl broke through her lips, pulling her attention from the feeling of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. They would never know how any of this felt, nor did they really want to. “Death was Nectarflame’s answer for the innocent. Why are you pretending that she deserves more leniency than she can give?”

As she ended her rant, something akin to anxiety shot through her at the booming call of… her father. She turned her head to look towards Sleethound, whose face was twisted in scorn. His tone was nothing she’d ever quite heard before out of him - like some kind of horror that had been unearthed. Her eyes narrowed back at him. “No. I told you, go take Nectarflame prisoner and drag Firebird out here, then we can talk. Do. It. Yourself.” The Giving Thanks event was to be a day of peace as well, but nobody blinked an eye when Nectarflame ruined that. She certainly thought Firebird was a pathetic excuse of a warrior as well, but could they quit pretending that she was being completely ignored?

She couldn’t help but blink a few times as her father pushed her to do the execution herself. “When I suggest things, I do it expecting I’m gonna have to pull the weight. I’m not like you warriors. I can back up what I say with my claws.” She wasn’t going to force anyone else to like a lot of warriors enjoyed doing, and after having to hold Firkit’s limp body in her jaws? She was ready to ruin the sanctity of the fur in her teeth and the dirt under her claws with Nectarflame’s blood.

Wildspark was the next to speak up. Something within Cinderpaw seemed to fray at his words. “Why the hell shouldn’t we?! She let Shadowclan take us over and kill us, Wildspark. Do you know how stupid you’re sounding right now? What tells you that she saw her ‘mistake’? Probably not her untrained apprentice and absence from camp.” She growled. He couldn’t be serious, right? Like handling a few rejoinings and nothing else suddenly made up for everything she’d done? “She’s been allowed to keep doing rejoinings because that is the mess she caused, not to mention the fact that nobody else here seems to have the spine to do anything about her. I’m not going to deny that Firebird sucks, but I want you to go take initiative. Go get her. Do something for yourself for once in your sorry ass warrior career.” She was finished with pointing out that they should do something for once. If any of them were truly listening, they could go take Thunderclan’s home-grown toad and throw her in the prisoner’s den in Firebird’s place.

“How the hell did ruining an event of peace help Thunderclan? Isn’t that exactly what you’re all pointing at Firebird about? It wasn’t productive. It didn’t do anything. A real Nectarflame thing to do.” Beastflame’s sorry attempt at peacekeeping made her fur stand on end. She didn’t even want to address his group idea right now, especially with his notable exemption of any opinions from an apprentice being considered. “I know it isn’t nice. That’s kinda the point. Nectarflame hasn’t been nice to us, ever.”

AAAAAAAND Rainpaw. Cinderpaw wanted to crack her own head open against the thick trunk of the Thunderwillow. It would be a lot easier to go through than the same points again and again. “She hasn’t been doing anything that even a kit could do in her place.” She spat. “She’s a warrior. She’s lived so many seasons. Shadowclan has been a clan of fox-hearts for ages. There is no possible way that she didn’t know that this would result in death. If true Thunderclanners wouldn’t kill clanmates, then why is she still being considered one? She is just as much of a killer in this as Dawnstripe is.”

Second chances, second chances. Nobody even thought about giving Firkit one. Nobody even thought about the fact Buckbranch and Aspenstrike got 10 and still had played a part in ruining lives.

A voice from beside her made Cinderpaw whip around. Shiningskies’ words made her eyes widen. What…? Was she just going to prove the apprentice’s point, show her once again that –

Yes. Yes she was. She watched as the warrior leapt down from the tree and slip all too easily out of camp.

And Cinderpaw was alone.

She blinked as she struggled to process what had just happened. Even after all this time, every let-down stung - every abandoned training session, every neutral expression, every wound, every death. She wished she could reach in and tear her own heart out, to stop hope from bubbling just beneath the surface. All of a sudden, she felt like a kit again. The Thunderwillow’s shadow and the pale white face of the moon felt jarringly familiar.

With an awkward clear of her throat, she looked back to the crowd. “...Guess you all really love leaving us apprentices to run the show, huh?” Her interjection was awkward, with something akin to disbelief keeping her from practically bursting into flames of rage. She hardly even regarded the next few cats’ words - they were all things she’d addressed already, really. Bushpaw’s shout floated in and out her ears. She doubted their clanmates would ever listen to him, but she appreciated the attempt - even if he’d spoken against her. She doubted she could ever find any sort of true hate in her heart towards that tom.

The thing that jolted her out of her haze, though, was… “Shallowshiver.” Cinderpaw rasped, eyes finding her parent. That made 2 of 2. The shock in her system settled, and was replaced, by a new, never before felt anger; one that she didn’t realize she could ever feel towards them. “Where were you to keep me from going down this path in the first place? Where were you to protect me? The rest of the clan didn’t do squat, but you’re my parent. It’s especially your job and you… you didn’t do anything.” The end of her address died into more of a croak as she turned away. She lulled into silence for a moment, before turning back. A new spark seemed to have lit in her eyes.

“If you want me down, come up here and throw me down yourself. Let my bones shatter. Let me die. I’m not coming down until we finish the vote for these two traitors.”

Sundust’s words kept her from having to say anymore on the matter. Not that it was much better. She scoffed at his insistence they show respect to Dawnstripe. “She didn’t show us a second of respect. Respect is earned, not commanded, and as far as I’m concerned Dawnstripe is nothing better than a fox-hearted, sad excuse for a clan leader. I’d rather die before pretending she’s loved by Starclan. I will die before I ever do that, actually.” Not that Starclan loved a lot, she was sure. They had practically all but forsaken them in recent moons, and Cinderpaw couldn’t help but wish she could regress to being a kit and lecturing Bumblepaw about the existence of Starclan. It was so easy to put her faith into them back then, but now…? They weren’t much more of an expletive for her to use. She believed in them, but she didn’t believe in them.

The debates below didn’t add much more. Rainpaw decided to run her mouth again, but Cinderpaw didn’t want to grace her with another response filled with things she’d already said. Dustclaw and Brightbriar argued below over pretty much nothing. Not out of the ordinary for Thunderclan, she supposed. And then…

The defendant finally spoke, and Cinderpaw raised an eyebrow. “Don’t really have a choice, do I? Gotta run things fair around here. I’m not up for clawing a cat who’s down.”

Off course the bengal spun into her usual high-and-mighty language that made it awfully hard to feel bad for her. Assumptions make an ass of you and me, and Nectarflame was making a hell of a lot of assumptions right now. Her pelt prickled with new irritation as she tried to spin her words. “I don’t blame this on only you. But denying that your actions directly led to the death of an apprentice - and if you don’t care about that one, then a kit who couldn’t even defend herself - is stupid. Because they did. To pretend that you didn’t know Thunderclan would attempt to rightfully chase those weasels out of their territory and that they are not ruthless killers is almost hilariously careless - you knew real well this could result in death. And you didn’t care. You don’t care about a lot of things, actually - like the fact that Shadowclan did next to nothing to help us, or that we were already doing better before they came.”

Not to mention, “Besides, many of us don’t have parents. I think you’d know that, since you have an awful good track record of forcing them out of the clan.” She pointed bluntly. “Firkit died because you didn’t have enough foresight to see that your actions would only add to the pain we were going through. I don’t want to hear a damn word out of you about how much we were hurting when you can’t get it through your head that you are the cause of that. You will always be the cause of that. We will never be unburdened by the hurt you caused us, and judging by your expression? You really don’t care. Not that I expected anything less.”

“I blame their deaths on every damn cat who refused to fight. I blame their deaths on every coward who creeps in our corners and hides in our shadows and doesn’t care that their blood is on their paws. I blame their deaths on their clanmates who couldn’t even care to bury them. And you are a part of them, and have done nothing to help us. And I’m sick of you talking like you know the clan will fall if we don’t listen to you, ‘cause you’re not nearly that important.” It was very easy for the bengal’s words to induce a rage in her, it seemed. And she just kept on going.

“...We didn’t suffer for it?” Cinderpaw let out a shocked, raspy laugh. “We didn’t suffer for it?! No, Nectarflame, you didn’t suffer for it. You didn’t suffer for it because you had the audacity to make yourself a damn recluse after you brought Dawnstripe into camp to kill us. We worked our asses off to keep that prey pile filled. You didn’t hunt. You didn’t organize patrols.You didn’t even train your damn apprentice. All you did was decide if cats were worthy enough in your eyes to be let back in - and you seem very set on the idea that if one creates a problem, it’s up to them to fix it. Interesting how it doesn’t seem to apply to you, huh? Doing the bare minimum isn’t enough to suddenly make you important or valued and you know that because you’ve treated us exactly the same way. If you get to continue deciding our fates even after your treachery, I think it’s fair that we decide yours.”

Her speech of grandeur didn’t phase Cinderpaw. It was very little coming from a cat who’s every word was falsely ballooned into something important. “We knew that already, after Thunderclan was left in the dust without any leadership and let somebody like you onto the Thunderwillow’s branches. We didn’t need two cats to die for that. You trying to make their deaths seem ‘worth it’ with the empty idea that they will be remembered by a clan who never even showed they cared proves to me that you hold nothing for the cats you want mercy from.”

There was nothing else to say to her, frankly. Cinderpaw was just… disgusted. Disgusted that they had been failed. Disgusted that she could put something so blatantly in front of her clanmate’s faces and still be ignored. Disgusted that some of them were still even willing to let Nectarflame have the thing she claimed to love most - her clan, whether that be ripped away from her because she was exiled or because she had been killed. Cornpaw’s snarling about Dawnstripe being undeserving of respect brightened her mood by a bit, but even so, she doubted she would be able to sleep easy in Thunderclan ever again.

**taillow** · #**15734** April 25th, 2022, 03:17 AM

Cindersky
It was... different. Hearing many of her Clanmates step up behind her. A feeling she was not used to, having eyes on her. Cindersky was unsure of whether or not she liked that feeling. Too close to ants crawling under her pelt, she was used to working diligently with her Clanmates and keeping her head down and nose clean. Standing up here, directing her voice to the entire Clan? It felt wrong almost. She was no leader. She was just another Clanmate whose loyalty to ThunderClan was the only clear emotion that remained within her heart.

[ @sid @Bliss. @Slushie ]
Sleethound, Wildspark, even Rainpaw and Bumblepaw. The young tom... he had grown so much. She recalled a training session she had taken him out for not too long ago, one where he had been adamant about berating and disrespecting her. But Cindersky had held her ground, and hopefully started to open his eyes that day. To see him here, standing tall and proud and speaking clearly his thoughts - well, it was more than she could ask of the soon to be warrior.

[ @Hopeless ]
Beastflame was one of the warriors she had recruited for her plans - that had fallen through, but at least the training still remained - and she quite admired the tom. His call for a group of cats to be elected as the crown of ThunderClan made sense - why continue going down a path that had proved fruitless to the Clan time and time again? She was unsure if her name belonged there though. Cindersky had never been one to actively seek the spotlight, nor try to control and guide her Clan as a leader was supposed to. Sparrowflight though - she would make an excellent addition.

[ @NinjaBloss ]
Before she could interject, Shiningskies was speaking and... leaving? Confusion swept across her face as she backed up to allow the ginger she-cat to leave the tree. Her confusion slowly melted into subtle hurt as blue eyes followed the retreating figure. Honestly, she had expected the she-cat to be stronger, to stand her ground firm and maybe see why most of the Clan was up in claws about delaying Firebird until after Nectarflame. But perhaps the exhaustion of the expectation from all of those eyes had gotten to her - Cindersky would not presume to know the true reason for why she had descended the Thunderwillow so quickly. And while part of her wished to follow, her Clan needed strong warriors to hold it together now, especially with the option of execution still on the table.

[ @Oobleck ]
Blackjaw spoke then and Cindersky directed her attention to the tom. Disrespected? When had she disrespected her Clanmate? She was disappointed, sure, but the senior warrior was almost positive she had spoke to her loyalty and dedication to the Clan. It just... did not make sense, this decision. Was she wrong to voice that? Should she have just remained quiet?

No. Because remaining quiet was part of why ThunderClan was in this entire mess in the first place. Cindersky found that she could no longer remain silent on the issues that plagued her home, and for once the actions that Nectarflame had taken... made just a semblance of sense.

"We all have bias against the accused, Blackjaw. What she did affected ThunderClan in its entirety; if there is a cat here who is unbiased towards her..." She allowed her worlds to trail off as she looked at the tom, shaking her head slightly in confusion. How would a ThunderClan warrior who was indirectly affected by the actions of Nectarflame be unbiased? It did not make any sense...

[ @error ]
And then Bushpaw spoke, and Cindersky felt her heart break into a million pieces. Blue eyes misted over as she took a single paw step forward only to stop. She had no right to go comfort him. No right to stand beside any ThunderClan apprentice and comfort them when she had stood by as well while Firkit died. Too busy with her nose buried in the neck of the dying Lionpaw to notice yet another casualty that the claws of ShadowClan gripped. Constrictions placed on her heart felt like poison as it extended from her chest and down into her paws, rooting them to the ground.

Bushpaw may have blamed all of ThunderClan, but for as long as she lived Cindersky would carry that death with her. A tiny, small kit not even given a chance - and then eventually tossed to the wayside because the warriors of ThunderClan could not be bothered to notice. It made her sick.

[ @poppy. ]
Aspenstrike deciding to speak and follow Shiningskies out did little to interest her; that cat still had not proven she was worthy of the chance extended to her. Cindersky could not recall seeing her around camp much other than to hug Shiningskies upon her return. Perhaps one patrol, but that was it. No hunting, no bringing any ideas to the table. But that was a discussion for another time.

[ @Naiad ]
There was some bickering between two Clanmates; Brightbriar and Dustclaw. But she paid them no mind as Sundust ascended the Thunderwillow. Regardless of everything going on, she regarded him with a subtle prideful look. Taking things into his own paws... that was the way she had trained him. There were thing he said that she heavily disagreed with - such as a cat like Dawnstar being deserving of any respect - but she did not wish to add to the ever mounting chaos so for now she remained silent on the issue. Right now they needed to stop tearing into each other and move forward as a Clan.

So she simply gave a nod towards their medicine cat to indicated she intended to stay. To Cindersky there was nothing more to add. She took a few steps away from the Thunderwillow she had not climbed to sit back down, leaving addressing the Clan to her former apprentice.

[ @starry. ]
The first to speak after Sundust had called attention (besides the bickering queen who... had not even been present for a majority of the meeting?) was Rainpaw, and the once eccentric apprentice now showed true thoughtfulness in her speech. Her words were carefully selected, and Cindersky failed to find fault in her reasoning for attending the gathering. While not the smartest choice, it was one she had made and seemed to have no regrets over, clearly owning up to it instead of hiding behind excuses. There was something about that the senior warrior could respect.

[ @Wintermist ]
Blackjaw finally quieted down, and the outcry from Dustclaw about harming kits drew her head fast as her ears flattened. She fixed him with a stern look, taking note that he had not been present at camp for quite some time... something to handle later, she supposed.

[ @implimm ]
And then finally... she spoke. Her voice is one Cindersky would have known anywhere. Nectarflame had been listening, waiting and watching as cat after cat either berated her, praised her, or spoke as though they knew her intentions better than she. All of it... infuriated Cindersky. This was not the issue they should be focusing on! But long past was the time of reasoning, for words flung about now were done so out of emotional cannons with little regard to their targets. Justice was a term lost to the echoing cries of cats that refused to pull their heads out of their asses and open their eyes.

The way she spoke of the cats calling for her punishment pinning the entire Clan on her... she was right. As much as Cindersky hated to admit it, Nectarflame was right. If they were to call to trial every cat who had let ThunderClan down, where would it end? Surely she would be tossed up soon - as would the cats who had not fought back against ShadowClan, who had not been quick enough to stop the death of Lionpaw, or Firkit, or the trauma that all of ThunderClan and their youth had experienced. When would it end?

For the majority of her speech, Cindersky had remained resolute to place her gaze anywhere else; the Thunderwillow trunk, other cats, her own paws. But sharp ears caught the words - the name - that died in her speech, and finally she lifted her head. Slowly, blue eyes moved across the distance until they rested upon the golden bengal. And with it, her heart twisted in ways she had not known it could.

She spoke of supporting what Cindersky had said, and a stab of guilt shot through her as the senior warrior realizes what could be genuine was only met with the feeling of bile in her throat. It was getting difficult to distinguish personal feelings from facts as the two became muddled together. Still her gaze lingered on Nectarflame, many emotions raging below the surface but none breaking the barricade of carefully placed neutrality.

[ @littlelove ]
And then Cinderpaw spoke, and Cindersky felt her heart twist once more. Anger covered the true anguish the she-cat felt, Cindersky could see it clear as anything. Her words were tossed right back at her, and the silver she-cat was almost certain they had been heard but not listened to. Part of her wanted to result to petty arguments, cries of how she had witnessed death in the same way Cinderpaw had. That she, too, had been tossed into battle before she had any skills to defend herself. That she, too, understood Cinderpaw - but at the same time, the apprentice needed to open her eyes and understand what was happening around them.

Hearing Cinderpaw speak of how she had wished to confront Dawnstar, throw her life away that easily... it churned her stomach. Made bile rise once more in her throat, this time out of sickness rather than disgust. Cindersky could not picture a world in which she would ever allow Dawnstar to slice her claws through another apprentice, another kit, another ThunderClan warrior. It would have to be over her dead body - and she would fight until the very end against the dark leader if that is what it came down to.

At that point, Cindersky knew it was a losing battle. The trauma forced upon Cinderpaw had driven her to a point where she no longer trusted any cat, let alone the warriors who had stepped up to help. Her eyes seemed to beg for the young she-cat to understand, to recognize the monumental precipice they now stood on, and the edge of greatness she could leap into if only she held the maturity and willingness to understand as those she was so quick to criticize.

"I do not care for the opinions of others, but hear me, Cinderpaw. You matter. Your voice matters. Your pain is seen and your cries are heard. I, too, see the blood of Lionpaw and Firkit on my paws. I see the shadows that took them, because they are my own, as much as they are those of ThunderClan. But this... dark act you propose - it is not the path for ThunderClan. Execution of Clanmates will not bring back the lives tossed aside by ThunderClan. An eye for an eye will bring about no justice. You must see that." She had to, right? That killing Nectarflame would place her on the same level as Dawnstar and all those who used their claws against their own Clanmates?

Swallowing hard, but showing no sign of wavering, Cindersky lifted her chin. "I will say this; even if it comes at the expensive of my life, ThunderClan will do better by its youth. So punish Nectarflame. Exile her. Keep her as a prisoner until she has proved she no longer needs to be treated like one. A vote does need to occur..." Her words were firm, eyes continuing to hold on Cinderpaw. As much respect as she held for the younger she-cat, how she spoke tonight had only confirmed one thing; that she had not leapt onto the Thunderwillow to deliver a third choice. She had done so to warn ThunderClan of a choice she had already made.

It was not what she originally planned. She had vowed to remain silent in this voting, feeling too close to offer an unbiased opinion. But in that moment, Nectarflame was not just a cat. She was not just a scapegoat the Clan could use for their own shortcomings. She stood as a representation of the ThunderClan of old. Of what they could be, so long as they continued to believe in themselves.

Before she knew it her paws were moving her towards Nectarflame, sure and confident, and they placed her in front of the golden bengal. Her fiery blue gaze moved to look up to Cinderpaw, her posture upright and almost regal looking. Her voice came out loud and clear, ringing through the entire camp so that not a single pair of ears would miss it.

"...But if you kill her, you will have to kill me, too."

A bold gesture - perhaps not one that was needed. But she was not defending Nectarflame - any cat with a brain could see that. She was defending ThunderClan, what they could become if they just had faith in themselves instead of countless leaders who had only failed them. What they could be if they did not resort to execution of their own Clanmates. If they just stood up and stood for themselves, instead of allowing their fate to be dictated by outside forces.

The ThunderClan of the past few moons was no more, and from its destruction a new, stronger one would hopefully arise.

[ @/sid ]
(Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she had registered Cornpaw leaving, and her heart ached. She wished to run after the young tom to comfort him - but her paws could not be in two places at once, so still she stood, remaining resolute in place. Cornpaw would be the first cat she ran to once this was over).

[ i mentioned cats that cindersky either reacted to, had thoughts on, or spoke to above the paragraph where it occurred!

]

**wolfie** · #**15735** April 25th, 2022, 04:05 AM

@Jayvines @Starfall @sid @Rockfall @nevvy @error
Lotuspaw looked to the warrior that had approached them with a curious glint. They leaned back; eyebrows furrowed in suspicion that they were about to receive a lecture. To their relief, it just seems like Sparrowflight wanted to give them a chance to participate in the .. 'celebration.' It's tempting, really tempting. "Mmmm... nah!!! It's okay, I got my responsibilities! Also it's kinda fun. I get to yell at Firebird. She's smelly. Plus, they want their celebration to be boring?? That's on them!! You can, you can definitely join me though!!" Lotuspaw responded, wiggling in place. They were pleased to see the molly decided to stay with them.

Their pink nose twitch at the familiar scent of family. Their ears perk up in a curious motion, twisting their head around - "Spider!!!" They pipe up, turning around completely to face the warrior. There's a goofy, lopsided smile on their lips. Lotuspaw wasn't surprised to see their guess was right. Cinderpaw did put him on guard duty with them. ,, Spiderthroat seemed a bit uhm, ,, ,, frustrated, though. Their smile drops, it wasn't the kind of frustration that was just playful frustration? It was also directed at them.

Which was scary. Really scary. Their ears pull back, frowning deeply. "But - that - that - I didn't .. I didn't say that!!! I just,, meant that everyone isn't really lively!! It's a celebration!!" Lotuspaw jumps to explain, "I'm by the entrance!!! I don't - .. I'm not starting any problems! At all!! No one cares if I yell a lot, ,, was just,, trying to get some cats to be smile or somethin'.." Their voice trails off, confidence waning. It was different when it was a cat they respected. An ugly feeling wormed it's way into their heart. They would not surrender!! Lotuspaw lifts their chin up, sticking their face close to Spiderthroat's to stare at him intensely. Really intensely!! Their broth- bigcat wasn't DUMB!!

It was the comment about their ears that got to them.

Lotuspaw knew that wasn't what the warrior meant. It just validated their stupid - aRGH!! Stupid!!! THINGS!! FEELINGS!! Insecurities, whatever, WHATEVER Looncry wanted to label them as. It was stupid. They wanted a hug. The ends of their fur burn with embarrassment at the scolding, and they pull back in defeat.,, this was a really sucky celebration..,, "Sorry.." they murmur, ducking their head - turning away from Spiderthroat and moving to sit behind Sparrowflight.

They do notice when Shiningskies steps onto the Thunderwillow and their heart sinks deeper with distaste for the molly. Lotuspaw still gives her the time of day. Barely. It doesn't click in what she says until Cinderpaw reveals a third option to Nectarflame's fate. The apprentice sits up, pulling back. "Execution?" Lotuspaw repeats quietly to their self, and there's that panic. That panic they were too friendly with at this point, but no one really seemed to notice. The flash of fear in their eyes as their claws dig into the cold, solid, soil. Perhaps it was a gift. At how loud they could be but still whole-heartedly invisible to those that surround them. (Sagepaw was right, wasn't she?) The thought of seeing another dead body sickens them. They do not tear their eyes away from the scene unfolding.

Shiningskies leaves and for the most part it seems like no one really agrees with Cinderpaw. (they try to not pay attention to the possibility of seeing firebird's dead body instead) Lotuspaw almost feels bad, because they're pretty sure the molly is just hurt but really, their thoughts focus on Firkit. Firkit. Firkit. "Shadowclan,, killed,, a baby,,?" Really? They couldn't even spare a kit? And to think that, ,, they must of had a family. A mother and a father lost their child. A gasp racks through their body and they press their body against Sparrowflight. They retract back, moving away from her out of reaction. "Is.. Is Firkit in Starclan? Do you think they're better now?" Lotuspaw asks the molly, because if Firkit was - was in a better place. They could handle that.

Right. They could leave the meeting if they wished. Really, no one would notice. It was tempting. Just, they were still given a task, you know? Watching Bushpaw make his way to the center - uh, okay, he's definitely making noise. Whatever he could possibly be saying was missed by Lotuspaw. It seemed like no one actually paid attention to him. Unacceptable. They shoot a look to Spiderthroat. Then back to their friend. "GO BUSHPAW!!! YEAH!!!!"

You know who shouldn't get a supportive friend like Lotuspaw? Sundust. Stinky guy, they decided. Lotuspaw couldn't even fathom what the hell the tom was thinking as he crawled up on the Thunderwillow and demanded respect for Dawnrat. Also, he wanted to speak to them. They would rather be dragged there. "Political opinions? POLITCAL OPINIONS? Respect for a knock-off tyrant? Cry me a river! Is he - is he - actually serious? I'm gonna kick em. I'm gonna kick the herbcat off the big tree and I will feel no remorse. " Lotuspaw says it to no one in particular. "No one can get mad at me for that. It's my right as a messed-up apprentice. " It's a poor attempt at a joke.

At this point, the apprentice was getting dangerously close to pulling a Softpaw. (seriously, being panicky didn't fit them!) They wanted to cry, really badly. Watching everyone in silence, they were confused. The vibrations sent through the ground was all they had at this point. Attempting to pick out words through mouthed words was futile. Nectarflame's actions hurt Thunderclan but Shadowclan was who killed Lionpaw and Firkit. Cinderpaw was just, they just seemed hurt, really. So did Cornpaw and Bushpaw and ... Lotuspaw actually they - huh. Everyone kept repeating that the apprentices were wronged and they never picked up on how much damage was done.

They used to be able to be touched without feeling sparks dart across their skin, wincing back with eyes blown out only because of fear before the realization it was only the friendly touch of a clanmate.

Whatever they said didn't matter. They were tired. Spiderthroat was mad at them and ... Lotuspaw turned around. Back facing the meeting, there were no words to be picked out and they were not at all going to witness a murder scene.

**BEAR.** · #**15736** April 25th, 2022, 05:18 AM

[ only responding to some parts, sorry if i missed anything important. this post sucks and i'm not sorry ]

Jaystride didn't have the patience for this cacophony of chaos. He tried, he really did, to listen to every little thing from every cat but after so much back and forth, bickering, indecision and infighting it resulted in only frustration and exhaustion.

They weren't getting anywhere with this. Shiningskies stormed off like a baby, accompanied by her failure of a partner (he guessed they were a match made in StarClan), and he couldn't bring himself to care. If she wanted to run away from discourse and problems, let her. It just showed how sensitive cats were these days. "Blackjaw," his gaze rested on a tom sprouting literal nonsense, "Don't be a freaking idiot. ThunderClan has had enough leaders who can't handle barks or bites. If she's going to get her tail in a twist over a meeting not going the way she planned, to the point of pouting and leaving, she is not leader material. Imagine trying to debate with Dawnstar or Twilightstar - she'd be torn apart." [ @Oobleck ]

The memory of the last several moons were hazy to Jaystride. A sea of darkness surrounded by a yearning for the end. A struggle to get up, because every day just reopened an invisible gaping wound. Through tired eyes, he watched Bushpaw's little tantrum, but he doesn't have the energy to speak on the matter. Others bothered.

Being a Clan cat meant death clung to them like a second pelt. One could grieve for the lost, but life went on. Lingering on the past was not healthy - he should know, and the best way to go was forward. They weren't getting anything done right now, screaming about ShadowClan and pointing beans at each other. Truthfully, he had his own temptation to depart from this mess of a meeting - not to pout but because he wanted to do something productive.

Oh look, now finally Sundust felt like doing something. Jaystride was convinced he'd be more than content sitting on the sidelines humming to himself if his OTP didn't screw off. Formulating words for how he felt toward all this was irksome at best. Too much extended drama, too little brain juice. He liked things spicy but not when it was a complete dungshow.

(He wasn't going to bother thinking on the subject of execution, that was beaten down into a pulp long ago. The idea wasn't the worst thing ever, but in this case he didn't believe the punishment fit the crime. And he held fast to the belief the priorities of Cinderpaw and Shiningskies were backwards, at least at this second in time.)

"The reasons cats have been so upset with this test trial, Sundust, is because the last time we put off dealing with externally related issues our camp was raided and our land stolen. Have you already forgotten how Eveningstar failed to handle punishing cats who attacked RiverClan?" He couldn't say he trusted Sundust enough to handle this matter low-key either. "I'd say I would understand handling this situation privately if she had attacked our own, but that doesn't make sense, does it. The Clan has a right to know if a cat has been a threat and how it's being handled - if you plan on doing something, you should make it known before the Clan has time to jump to conclusions. We don't know what you're planning if you sit in the crowd and say nothing. All we know is we just had ShadowClan leave only moments ago and we're in no position to deal with RiverClan if they retaliate over the truce being broken." This wasn't something they could pass off as an accident, or a misunderstanding. Firebird went out of her way to attend a Gathering she wasn't suppose to go to, and attack kids. There was no way they could justify her actions to RiverClan. Sourly, with a glance toward the camp entrance, he included. "Hell, we couldn't even fight for our land back. Aspenstrike begged for it."

It was easy to forget these details when it wasn't something one had to face daily. Sundust could spend his days chewing herbs and hiding in his den - his days of trying to defend the Clan and maintain normal life was long over.

"I don't care if Nectarflame is held on trial. That alone is not a problem. But I believe we should get the cat who has awaken a sleeping bear over with, because I don't believe there is anything to debate about. You can argue as you will about Nectarflame's intent with contacting ShadowClan, and her actions and the events that followed. There's not much else to say with Firebird." It's far more cut and dry. [ @Naiad ] He wasn't entirely sure why there was a push to take Firebird out? Why bother? Just kick her out and be done with that. He'd be surprised if there were genuine objections to that.

The back and forth between the ladies wasn't helping his already short fuse. Long dialogues of what had already been said, or known, at this point what it boiled down to was a wave of emotion, contained and now released. He actually hoped letting some of this out would help Cinderpaw. Beneath that anger and ire was a hurt soul that needed nourishment few offered.

This was giving him a headache. The exchange wasn't getting them anywhere, he didn't understand the urge to bring out Firebird and lock up Nectarflame, and he felt conflicted about Nectarflame. Kicking her out didn't feel like a win, and neither did keeping her. He couldn't tell if Cindersky was being foolish or brave, or both. If he were to be honest, he didn't think any cat here could make the correct call on Nectarflame at this time. If they were going for the spirit of justice, doing this when cats weren't worked up would be ideal.

In the end, he decided it didn't matter. "We're not going to get anywhere bickering about what's happened. Kick Firebird out. Do what you will with Nectarflame." They could keep fighting about her all they wanted, but he wasn't going to sit around for it.

Jaystride could see Lotuspaw having a particularly bad time with all this, so he moved to join them. He reached to nudge their shoulder, to beckon them to accompany him, before he headed out of camp.

This was a conflict too big brain for his small brain, they could figure it out without him. Lotuspaw needed a distraction, and he had work to do.

[ @x ghostie, ig anyone else but i won't be responding ]

**corgigirl** · #**15737** April 25th, 2022, 06:49 AM

At this point there was so much going on. “Nectarflame shouldn’t just be allowed to stay in our camp, but execution in too extreme! We aren’t gonna turn into murders! We should exile her for her crimes!” Birchheart said, not to loud, for a fear of being wrong, but his voice was strong, confident.

**JackHunt_17** · #**15738** April 25th, 2022, 07:23 AM

Wow. That was a lot. And that hit hard. Hawkice personally felt that the whole clan could do better. "There is no one cat to blame, Nectarflame is right. We are all to blame. As a clan we are to blame." Hawkice said, though he assumed no one would hear him.

**BirdieChirp** · #**15739** April 25th, 2022, 08:14 AM

--SoftRipple--
SoftRipple was getting really anxious and was sheathing and unsheathing claws

**Quasar** · #**15740** April 25th, 2022, 08:39 AM

Shallowshiver | they/them | @/bill.

Shallowshivers ears perked at the call, orange gaze flickering over. Without a seconds hesitation the huge warrior padded over to join the steadily growing group. They nodded wordlessly to the younger tom, opting not to say anything.