teachings from beyond [herb training]

[taillow]

Fawnlight
Immediately soft blue eyes went to Tansypaw, and as if on instinct the older she-cat lifted her fluffy tail to place it gently across the younger's back. "Tansypaw, listen to me." Her voice was firm but gentle as she watches the medicine cat apprentice. "In this role you've taken on, in this life... you won't be able to save everyone." It was difficult, reality often was not as nice as the fantasies that becoming a medicine cat meant that every cat in the Clan would no longer suffer. It was something Fawnlight had not understood until much later. "But if you believe in nothing else, believe in this; you trying, and doing what you can to heal your Clan, will never be in vain. Death happens even with the best healers. Focus on those you have saved, those you have healed. It is okay to grieve and to cry over those who are lost, but don't let it distract you form those who still need you..."

...Words that Fawnlight had wished to hear when she was the young cat's age. No one had told her that though until it was almost too late; she would be damned if she let this young cat think she was letting anyone down by not being able to save every cat who came into her den.

"I know I haven't been there for RiverClan since my death, but I swear to you Tansypaw... if you ever need me, all you have to do is look to the stars. I won't leave your side." It's what she should've done for Stonepaw. For Beansprout. For her daughters. For all of the cats she turned her back on when grief enveloped her and tried to steal away her light. (No more...)

Another smile spread across her face and she leaned forward in an attempt to touch her nose to Tansypaw's shoulder. It was the first gesture she could recall ever giving her reassurance, given from Beansprout, so she hoped she could give what she had to this new medicine cat apprentice. It wasn't much, but it was hopefully something...

Fawnlight allowed a beat or two longer to hang between them in which she regarded Tansypaw with a warm gaze before looking back at the celandine. "I would say to try using water-soaked moss. If an eye is injured with a scratch, you could try to mix up a poultice of marigold-" using a paw Fawnlight indicated the next flower in the line-up to teach Tansypaw, "-and dandelions, and cover it with a leaf, you can make a numbing infection-fighting wet cast that could speed up healing time while also taking their pain away." It wasn't something Fawnlight had ever tried herself but it made sense. "Elmshadow was the one who taught me what celandine is. He's a bit gruff, but I'm sure if you asked he'd have other ideas on how to help weak and injured eyes." It was odd how death gave her better hindsight. She wasn't scared of the ShadowClan medicine cat anymore. He was loyal to his Clan and a little rough around the edges, sure, but he was a good medicine cat.

[ @silver. - breaking this into two posts since fawn wanted to give tansy a little peptalk as well hehe next post she'll cover marigold and burnet! ]

[silver.]

purrks: herbal knowledge tier 2, agatha kitty, just a scratch [PERM]
95/200

---

How was this fair. The most support and validation she has yet to get from anyone since coming to her new home and taking up her new title was dead. Of course she was. It was just her luck that all the most important information, advice, and comfort she was receiving was from someone that she couldn't physically lean on when she was in a crisis. The pain of losing her mother a second time is still fresh in her mind and the kindness of this cat of the past reminded her so much of her... Patient and thoughtful. Didn't shy away or hesitate when it came to explaining-- like she knew that Tansypaw was capable of keeping up. The warmth of a mother... Stars, she was such a pathetic little kit. Why couldn't she just let it go?!

The young healer nods along to the other's words as she offers the reassurance. The reality of her life and her future. It was common sense. No one was able to save them all. But she had barely begun. Had barely done anything yet and she was already letting her clan mates die because of her inadequacy. It stung deep in her chest but... Fawnlight was right. If she let herself grow distracted then she would just continue to fail. More and more she would let down if she cried and gave up. So she couldn't. Couldn't let every failure buildup like stone walls and stopping her from moving forward.

Wide eyes stare over at the older molly as she swears her devotion. Promises her constant guiding paw and shoulder to lean on from above. Since becoming medicine cat apprentice she had been thrown to the wolves. Working on her own, struggling-- To hear that someone was finally going to be there, even if she was far away... One by one tears dampen the ground beneath her paws in silence. From her tail laying over her to her nose pressing against her pelt, the comfort of another was worth more than any lesson she could have been taught tonight. More than anything she understood that she finally wasn't meant to struggle alone. Fawnlight would be there for her if no one else was and she believed in her. Just like Gingerfrost. Just like her mother.

Sniffling and gathering her bearings, she offers a small smile to the other as she begins to talk, once again paying complete attention as if to record every word of information she was being offered. Dandelion she knew. Marigold she had heard of but never learned enough about. As it's gestured to, she nods, and mentally notes how similar it looks to a dandelion... She knew that, of course, but now getting to see it in person made the similiarities so much more obvious. Crouching low, she gives the flower a few sniffs and tries to recall how a dandelion smells in comparison...

"Elmshadow... He's the medicine cat from Shadowclan, right?" Every time she had seen him he had barely said a word to the rest of them... Was he really not as mean as she feared? "I'll... I'll try to ask him at the next Gathering, maybe. Hopefully he doesn't mind giving me some pointers."

[ sobbing wailing screaming i love fawn so much ;; ]
fawnlight | @birdie

[taillow]

Fawnlight
She/her | Formerly RiverClan | No purrks

...Was this what it would've been like had she remained alive and with her kits? Fawnlight's throat felt dry, a stinging sensation causing her to blink in rapid succession. She did her best too keep it all down, back away from the surface of her expression, but she had never been good at denying her emotions a place to rest on her face. So much of Tansypaw reminded her of her own self when she had first been thrust into the role. Wading through a sea of self-doubt and feared inadequacies, unable to catch her breath for even a moment. Wanting so badly to believe that there was someone out there for her to lean on, someone who understood, truly, what she was going through. Foggy memories of ThunderClan's former medicine cat, Zerosight, danced through her mind. Perhaps she could be what he had been for her, for Tansypaw.

At her question regarding Elmshadow, Fawnlight nodded. "If he does, you just let me know. I've got no problem cuffing him over the ears, stars as my witness," she chuckled lightly. A dream-cuff, but still a cuff nonetheless - and probably an unsuspected one. When she had been alive she had been seen as timid and shy and scared of everything. Would her former medicine cats even recognize who she was now?

"There's two more herbs I can teach you tonight - the first is one I mentioned earlier and that's marigold." She didn't bother pulling this one out from the group as Tansypaw had already crouched down to scent it. "Unfortunately, frost will kill it pretty easily, so finding it going into leaf-bare will difficult. Not impossible, though." It also depended on how soon snow fell to the ground. Perhaps there were still a few springy plants left that had yet to be plucked.

"The petals are usually bright yellow or orange, with green stems. They can either carry a sweet scent, or one similar to a sour nettle - though both will be strong enough to catch without much looking." One of the most pungent herbs Fawnlight had ever encountered. "Its taste is about the same - and will likely linger for a bit." Now she did pull the marigold flower from the bunch, paw brushing over its soft petals. "Each part of the plant can be chewed into a poultice and applied to stop infection, as well as bleeding for minor wounds. It can also help with any stiff joints or inflammation too. It's often found rampant in the warmer seasons near water, so RiverClan territory generally has quite a few patches near the streams."

Fawnlight allowed a few moments for Tansypaw to familiarize herself with the herb before moving onto the last one. "This," she began, pulling a medium-sized leaf with bumpy edges, "is called burnet. Mostly they look like this, but sometimes can have spiky, purple flowers near their stem." She pushed the leaf to sit just before the young medicine cat apprentice. "Mostly found in sunny areas, though I'm not sure if leaf-bare kills it or not. It's what's known as a "traveling herb", meant for the long journeys to places such as the Starcave or other Clan areas. It provides cats with strength when eaten, and is also good for expecting queens."

[ @silver. - tansy is absolutely adorable and lovely and all of the good things. she's reminding fawn of her three daughters right now ]

[silver.]

purrks: herbal knowledge tier 2, agatha kitty, just a scratch [PERM]
102/200

---

The thought of Elmshadow getting cuffed over the ear by some invisible force was pretty funny. Would he even react? Would he get mad? Scared? Tansypaw tries to picture the stoic tom jumping out of his skin and can't help the small grin that finds it's way onto her face. This would be their little secret if it were to ever happen... There was no way that the Shadowclan cat could know that she had a paw in planning the little stunt! Nonetheless, it was nice to know that someone had her back. Even if that someone couldn't be there physically. In a way having a source above keeping an eye out may be even more helpful to her in her training and her growing up.

It was a shame that marigold didn't grow well in the winter, but hearing of it's liveliness in the warmer moons was reassuring. If it was as helpful as it sounded, having an abundant source of it would definitely prove useful. Again interested in the knowledge that was being bestowed upon her, she nods along silently, listening to the in depth explanations on both the last herbs... So burnet actually had a use aside from wrapping wounds? Huh. Providing strength sure sounded useful... If only Falconfeather had actually taught her about the leaves instead of just leaving her to use them without knowing that they could prove a lot more useful than simple wrappings.

In her chest she can feel that their time was drawing to an end. As much as she wanted to stay and talk and learn and revel in the she-cat's comforting presence, she knew that they had to part. No good thing could last forever. Bowing her head respectfully, she can't stifle the yawn that parts her jaws.

"Thank you, Fawnlight... No one I've met has been as helpful as you and I'll always be grateful. This info is gonna save a bunch of lives, I guarantee it." Now that she was a bit better equipped to handle her duties, she felt a lot more confident. Head raising to meet the other's gaze once more, her smile is stronger than the nervous one she typically wore. "We'll meet again, right? Promise?"

Maybe asking her to make a promise like that was unfair but... Tansypaw couldn't help it. She needed to know there would be somewhere out there to lean on when the inevitable hard times fell upon her.

fawnlight | @birdie

[taillow]

Fawnlight
She/her | Formerly RiverClan | No purrks

Their time together in this dream was dwindling down. Fanwlight could feel it slipping through her paws as Tansypaw attempted to block the yawn that parted her jaws. "You're going to do great things, Tansypaw, so long as you keep your head up and believe in yourself." Easier said than done, she knew, but the dappled brown starry she-cat had faith in the young apprentice. She had already done well up to this point - now that she was armed with the knowledge to advance her treatments, she would surely start to soar.

"We will, yes. I will be the star that shines the brightest in the sky. Just look up, and whenever you need me I will be there." It was a promise, her tone sincere and yet with a firmness that would hopefully assure Tansypaw that she would not be going anywhere. Her smile remained soft and she leaned forward to draw her tongue between the fluff on the young medicine cat apprentice's ears.

The time for her to be waking up was nearing. Fawnlight stepped back and gave her a soft nod. "For now, you deserve to have a more restful sleep. Never worry about having to go through things alone; I will be there with you every paw step of the way." Just as she finished speaking a swath of stars seemed to wrap around them both. The former medicine cat dipped her head gently to the young she-cat once more before allowing the stars to swallow her up, taking the dream with it.

[ @silver. - i don't use fawn much anymore, but if tansy ever needs her feel free to shoot me a VM or PM ]

[taillow]

Fawnlight
She/her | Formerly RiverClan | No purrks

It had been about a moon since she had last spoken to Tansypaw, but Fawnlight hadn't let her watchful gaze leave the apprentice. She had vowed to be there for her, and with the death of Falconfeather now driving her into being the Clan's full medicine cat she knew she had to be there. Not for teachings, not for any lessons - just as a cat who knew precisely what it meant to have the weight of such expectations.

The brown dappled she-cat waited until Tansy fell into a sleep within her own nest before summoning her to the small den where they'd held their first lesson. Beside her was a bundle of different colored flowers, moss, little small shells and pebbles that Fawnlight had collected. In StarClan, it was practically greenleaf all the time which made harvesting much easier than in the Clans. She had heard of cats gaining the ability to make things found her actually appear in the waking world, but the former medicine cat hadn't yet learned how to do that. She would continue to work on it, if only to help the now full medicine cat along her journey.

Patient blue eyes waited for the appearance of the tri-colored she-cat, a soft smile present as she remained seated. Stars twinkled in the sky above her and there was a calm glow of purple-pink-blue swaths of color that stretched overhead - hopefully it would bring peace to Tansy like it did with Fawnlight, and they could just share a serene, quiet dream of weaving and talking.

[ @silver. - big sis fawnlight pulling tansypaw in for hugs ]

[silver.]

purrks: herbal knowledge tier 2, agatha kitty, just a scratch [PERM]
175/200

---

It's still as shocking as the first time, no matter how many times she's been pulled into the spectral grace that was Starclan's territory. As of late she's been nothing but stressed. Overworked. But she couldn't let anyone see that the once soft-spoken outsider was gone. Couldn't let them see her cry or falter, lest she be next for execution. She was too young to die and with how Riverclan's positions of power within Riverclan have been faring as of late... The fear of being forcefully removed from her position continued to grow. Despite these fears she blinks awake to the comforting hues of glittering starlight in the opening of a familiar den.

Chocolate visage meets that of sky and she can't help but offer a small smile. It had been some time since their lesson and she'd be lying if she said that it wasn't nice to see her again. Even in the face of recent tragedy Fawnlight felt like a comfort, whether Tansypaw could see her or not. With a polite bow of her head, she pads into the den, opting to take a seat across from the other healer instead of linger in the doorway.

"Hey, Fawnlight. It's been a while." What else was she supposed to say? Obviously it was polite to greet her-- stupid Tansy, would would you even question that?-- but what more was there to talk about aside from whatever reason there was to draw her from her normally dreamless slumber? Oh Stars... Surely Fawnlight hadn't been watching her cry and breakdown and struggle, right? She hadn't been watching those parts, right? Play it cool, Tansy. Play it cool and stupid. "Do ya have more to teach me tonight?"

fawnlight | @tallulah

[taillow]

Fawnlight
She/her | Formerly RiverClan | No purrks

It broke her heart to see Tansypaw as the younger cat finally appeared and padded into the den. Fawnlight wished there was something she could do to ease the burden that now rested on her shoulders, but there was only so much she could do. Her mind flashed to the kind ThunderClan medicine cat that had helped her many moons ago - Zerosight, she recalled his name being. "No lesson tonight, Tansypaw," she purred as she swished her tail, an invitation for the medicine cat to sit closer if she wanted to. "I figured tonight I could show you how to make something that I used to make all of the time whenever I didn't have patients in my den."

Looking back to the array of flowers and vines before her, she selected two of the vines from the pile and pulled them closer to her. "They're not often practiced anymore, but I used to make flower crowns here and there. They were always a delight to have, and warmed up the space quite well." A soft smile spread across her face as Fawnlight glanced up to Tansypaw. Part of her wanted to offer her condolences for Falconfeather's death, but it seemed like he had left her alone far sooner than he had died. Besides, if she were being honest she didn't care much for his death, and instead found herself just disappointed.

"Have you ever made one before?" Fawnlight asked now as she looked back to the varying colors of flowers before her - blues and purples and pinks and yellows. It was funny, how she had envisioned this activity going much differently than it was. She had imagined pulling one of her daughters into a dream, teaching them how to make these crowns and comforting them. But try as she might, she had not been able to tread in any of their dreams. Did that mean she was just... using Tansypaw as a replacement?

The vile thought came and went quickly as Fawnlight realized that was just not true. She wanted to be there for the young medicine cat and remind her that she wasn't as along as she often felt. That's what tonight would be.

[ @silver. ]

[silver.]

purrks: herbal knowledge tier 2, agatha kitty, just a scratch [PERM]
195/200

---

No lesson? Then why was she here? If there was nothing to learn then Fawnlight was definitely worried about her, huh? Anxiety creeps up her throat and her ears burn with embarrassment when she thinks about how the other had most likely been watching her. Worried for her. Even when she was alone, she was never truly alone, huh? If that was the case she'd have to stop her crying and suck it up. No one needed to pity her. Not again. Willing the negative thoughts away for the time being, she takes up the offer to sit closer, settling herself in at the other's side so she can curiously look over the selection of flowers and vines before her.

Flower crowns? She had never heard of such a thing. But that didn't mean she wasn't willing to learn. She rarely had any down time for herself but maybe learning something like this would force her to. When asked, she shakes her head, her gaze falling back onto the molly.

"Never heard of 'em. Are they for decoration?"

Even just mentioning it makes her think of Falconfeather. The two of them were supposed to decorate the medicine den together but he never bothered to join her in doing so. The thought was frustrating-- it was his own idea! Why suggest it only to never do it? Ugh. This was no time to think about him, though. Fawnlight was here and offering more than he ever had. Did he even make it up here, she wonders? Once again she's staring at the pretty flowers at their paws, letting their colors wear at her frustration. This wasn't the time to dwell on frustration. Even if it wasn't an herb lesson, it was still a lesson all the same. And she was determined to be as best a student as she could be. Even if it was just learning how to weave vines and flowers into a crown.

fawnlight | @tallulah

[taillow]

Fawnlight
She/her | Formerly RiverClan | No purrks

As Tansypaw settles in near her, Fawnlight instinctively lets her tail curl around the medicine cat lightly. From inside the little alcove that she had claimed as her own a long while ago, it was warm and quite cozy. "Sort of. I used to make them and give them to others. I've actually made them with Birdsnow before." The memory felt so far away now, in another life honestly. Still it brought a smile to her face.

Looking now to the pile before her, Fawnlight took two of the vines and some of the flowers and began to weave them together. It wasn't the best, and looked a bit flimsy, but slowly it was coming together. Up here her paws weren't scorched and rendered useless, so they didn't shake as they once had. "There isn't much to it; you just take a vine or two, or really any frond or sometimes even cattails work - and sort of cross them over one another. Then you can stick the flowers into any open spot - like this." Taking a small pink flower she pressed it into the strand of vines, holding it down to get it to stick. After a bit of concentration, she lifted the finished product - a messily put together circle of vines dotted with colorful flowers - onto Tansypaw's head.

"There," she purred with a warm gaze and soft smile. It wasn't impressive by any means, and was more so meant to just be a lighthearted activity than anything really. "Most of the times they won't last too long - but you could still use the vines and flowers for decorating other parts of the den! I used to tuck the flowers into my nest." The memory brought for another faint smile as she glanced down at the colorful array before her, then back to Tansypaw. She watched her silently, the actual questions she wanted to ask burning the tip of her tongue. If anyone knew how difficult it was to heal the Clan on their own, it was her. Sure she'd had support but... no one really knew or understood what she was going through. Gently, as if to test the waters, Fawnlight lifted her plume of a tail and let it tap Tansy's shoulder before falling. "You don't have to pretend you're okay, you know," she murmured, an understanding gleam in her eye. "Or that you're okay, or aren't struggling to carry this weight. I was once in your paws, you know."

[ @silver. - I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE ABOUT THE DELAY ]