Reviewing Your OCs

[BEAR.]

WCO doesn't do the "kits are born in StarClan." If a queen dies while pregnant, her kits ceast to exist.
@TheNyanCatMinecart

[Shade.]

Name: Lotuskit/Lotuspaw/Lotusheart

Gender: Female

Clans/Affiliations: Riverclan

Ranks: Kit/Apprentice/Warrior

Age: Kit: 0-4 moons/ Apprentice: 4-10 moons/ Warrior- 10+ (she is currently 10 moons old)

Appearance: Lotusheart is an absolutely massive white cat. She is bigger than almost everyone her age. She has big pale yellow eyes. She has long fluffy fur. She has the occasional scars on her shoulder from a dog fight.

Personality: Lotuskit was born quite happy and excitable. Soon though she started getting bullied for being big and "ugly". All the other she-kits were dainty and pretty and would "probably find mates and she wouldn't", which is what they and their parents thought. This made her progressively more shy and awkward. She became timid and quiet and very embarrased about who she was. She got serious anxiety. As she became an apprentice though, she started opening up. Her best friend Gingerpaw had been supporting her since they were kits, which gave her more confidence. Now she is still shy and timid but is more cinfient in defending herself.
Backstory: Lotuskit was bullied a lot. Queens would not let their kits play with her because they were afraid she'd accidentally hurt them. They were sort of right, since she often had accidents while playing and harmed other kits. Here's a post from when she met Gingerkit (she walks away but has a flashback of the past.):
"Yeah, I will...Thanks again for talking to me." she said quietly. Finally, someone was nice to her. And it was the most unexpected cat. She got up and padded to the fresh kill pile. She couldn't stop smiling. Friendship does that to cats, she thought. Her smile faded, dragging her mind into a flashback.
"HI, WANNA PLAY???" a much younger Lotuskit squealed.
"Play? With you?" a she-kid asked sarcastically." You're ugly. You look like a tom. Look at your fur! I'ts messy. And your eyes are creeping me out. Go away, Mooneyes!" all the kits burst out laughing. The young Lotuskit fluffed up and was suddenly standing over the other kit, pinning her down. The kit squealed. A pretty queen ran up and pulled her away from Lotuskit.
"Don't touch my kit you badgerbrain!" she hissed
Lotuskit stared at the ground in horror...

In her apprenticeship she met Foxpaw and Berrypaw. She formed a positive relationship. She became more confident. Her mentor, Leopardblaze, was very supporting. She became friendly and encouraging towards other cats. She earned her warrior name by defending the nursery from dogs. This is where she's at right now.

Immediate Family: She doesn't have any. Her parents are probably dead. She was my first OC so I wasn't really sure what to do about family. She did get adopted by Flyfur, but they weren't that close.

Mate and Kits: None

Okay, the cost is gonna be 100 KK. I hope that this isn't too expensive. Enter away - and please take no offense! This is just advice and for fun as well.

EDIT: Oh, yeah, and don't forget to mention me! @TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@BILL. (Oh, alright. Thanks for letting me know.)

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@Shadeleaf

Just for reference, I've decided not to copy and paste the whole form because that would take up a lot of space.

NAME: For this category, you did pretty well. Lotus- is an underused prefix and it would make sense that a cat knows what a lotus is because it's a type of flower, if I'm remembering correctly. -heart is an overused suffix, though. This name is original nonetheless, but it does sound familiar, as if I might've seen it before. 9/10

GENDER: She-cat OCs are just fine and I don't judge by gender, making this one a freebie. 10/10

AFFILIATIONS: So, she's in RiverClan for her whole life? That's okay. But where does she go when she die? StarClan, the Dark Forest, the outskirts of StarClan... where? It's nice to see an OC that was actually born in a Clan, though, and one who didn't just join for certain reasons. 9/10

RANKS: So, she's just a regular warrior? I can't really argue with that because regular warrior OCs have become rare, although they were growing more and more common. But what rank does she get up to when she dies? Is she just a warrior or a senior warrior, maybe some other rank such as an elder or a deputy? And where does she go when she dies? 8/10

AGE: Okay, no offense, but this is really unrealistic. Kits normally become apprenticed at six moons old, and in real time, that's when they are beginning to mature. Sure, cats in real life begin their maturity at four moons, but we're in the Clans and the Warriors world, which means that apprentices act younger than they actually are. She becomes a warrior much too quickly; normally, cats reach their warrior stage at twelve moons old, amounting to six full moons of training. Sure, early promotions can happen. Okay, just looking back at the form, you said that she did have six moons of training... but ten moons just seems like too little time to become a warrior. Maybe bump the numbers up a bit, like for example, she has longer warrior training because she became an apprentice early. 6/10

LOOKS: I've seen the whole "long, fluffy fur" thing used a lot, but it really fits with her massive look. Props for making a massive she-cat! I don't see those a lot. Having a white cat is pretty basic, but I like her eye description. Yellow is underused, especially pale yellow. I like the shoulder scars; those are a nice touch. 8/10

PERSONALITY: I really like it! It reminds me of my own OC, Twistedpaw, although she's ridiculed because she's deformed and ugly. It would make sense if all of the she-cats were small and dainty, but they're in RiverClan, where bigger body types would make more sense. Also, cats in the Warriors world do tend to think that bigger cats are stronger, but her Clanmates interpretation of her weird size makes sense. But you said that she's bigger than MOST cats her age, so are there more of them like her? Otherwise, it makes sense that she'd become shy and insecure, but that is a definite cliche, that somebody is bullied and then they get shyer and whatnot. Hey, I'm guilty of it, but still. 7/10

BACKSTORY: It's nice how the queens stopped her from playing with their kits due to fear that their own kits might get hurt or injured in one way or another. Again, this reminds me of my own OC, Twistedpaw! It's nice that I can relate a bit to this one (with my own OC, not with personal experiences, of course). Thanks for that little post quote; that helped me to better understand the experiences and whatnot. It's also nice how things get much better for her in the future, but did everybody forget about her big size just like that? And finally, I'm going to mention that I might've been wrong about the entire she-kits bullying her without too much of a valid reason thing... mentioned in Personality. Little kits being silly and saying that she wouldn't get a mate would make a lot of sense. I'm curious about her backstory in the future, but it would've been nice if you had told me your future plans for her or whatnot. 7/10

FAMILY: I understand that it's your first OC, but I still would've liked to hear your ideas about family. Even if it's a first OC, she should still have a family. How about siblings? How would it affect her life if her parents were dead? It would make sense that she was bullied so much... maybe her father died before she was born and her mother died in childbirth because she was so big and got stuck or something like that. Queens can die from predicaments like that. It's just an idea... and maybe any other siblings died with their mother before being birthed. About Flyfur, what does she look like? And why weren't they close? 4/10

LOVE LIFE: It's okay if she doesn't have one yet or if she wouldn't have one, but it'd be nice if she did happen to get a mate so that she could be like, "HA! I got a mate!" I mean, that's not her personality, but I think that you get what I mean by that. She'd be able to show that she had gotten a true love. 9/10

OVERALL: Your OC gets a 77/100! She's a great OC! But she could just use quite a bit of work on her backstory and familiar connections, as long as the whole "made an apprentice early" thing. And hey... I just realized that that wasn't explained. Was it because she was so big?

[Shade.]

@TheNyanCatMinecart

Thank you! A few explanations.
She was apprenticed early because of an event Lionstar made and I try to be chronological.
I say bigger than most cats because I haven't asked every single person how big their characters are. She might seem kinda boring but that's because I tend to have a "you don't need to be super special to be important" philosophy. And the Flyfur thing was because they never really interacted together. This is NOT me saying "How Dare You Shes Perfct u MonSTerrr!! 11!!1!"
I just wanted to explain. Sorry if I missed something.

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@Shadeleaf

Okay, thanks for the explanations! It's nice hearing some feedback and whatnot on my own reviewing. And yeah, no cat has to be the "perfect" character.

[Madelaine]

Name
Gentlekit(kit) | Gentlepaw(apprentice) | Cat(kittypet) | Gentlewhisper(warrior/current)

Gender
Female[She/Her]

Clan
Windclan(former) | Kittypet(temporarily) | Windclan(current) | Starclan(future)

Rank
Kit(formerly) | Apprentice(formerly) | Kittypet(temporarily) Warrior(currently) | Queen(formerly) | Senior Warrior(future) | Elder(future)

Age
6 moons(apprentice) | 11 moons(kittypet) | 14 moons(warrior) | 24 moons(queen) | 30 moons(warrior again)

Appearance
Gentlewhisper is a gray tabby she-cat with green eyes. She has a white underbelly and paws. Her tail tip is also white and there is a white stripe above her nose. The left side of her face is scarred up and her eye is completely gone. Her left ear was badly shredded and she can't hear out of it.

Personality
Sweet | Motherly | Loyal | Compassionate | Traumatized | Quiet | Shy | Hopeless | Easily Depressed | Short-Tempered | Cautious | Closed Off

Backstory
Gentlewhisper was an apprentice when she had been taken by two-legs. These weren't just two-legs. When she got to their home they were nice to her at first, but she then realized they weren't so friendly. One day they started to send their dog to attack her when she tried to escape. The dog just started nipping at her, but after a while it started to try and rip her fur out. One day they sent their dog after her and they got in a huge fight. The dog ended up almost ripping half her face off. She escaped out the door, badly injured. She was found by her clanmates later on and they took her in and fixed her up. Now she has nightmares of that dog in her head.

Immediate Family
Wishpool | Littermate Sister | black and gray with blue eyes
Skyripple | Littermate sister | gray tabby with blue eyes

Mate and Kits
Mapleleaf | Mate | I don't know what he looks like
Seedpaw | Daughter | Seedpaw is a short furred white cat. She has different patches of gray all over her fur. On the patches can be shown are tabby marks. Above her eyes on her forehead is the gray tabby marks again. Seedpaw has a face deformity to where her left side of her jaw is lower and her nose is crooked. One of her eyes is green and the other one is yellow. She is small and squishy.

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

I'm not the biggest fan of kits being named personality traits such as Gentle-. I mean, where would it even come from? You can't tell the personality of a kit just by looking at it. -whisper is an overused yet nice suffix, and this name is original, though. 7/10

Okay. I have nothing against females. 10/10

Was she captured and forced to become a kittypet? Anyway, it's nice that she gets to go to StarClan when she dies. 10/10

It's nice that she's gotten a chance to bear kits. Also, it's nice to hear that she gets a chance to become old before death and doesn't become anything more than a senior warrior before retiring. Good job. 10/10

If she was captured/forced to become a kittypet as an apprentice, then how would she just become a warrior after going back to her Clan? That doesn't make any sense. It's nice that she was made a warrior late if she had been captured... but at the same time, I don't know how much time she spent as an apprentice after being rescued. 8/10

I like this description! Green eyes are overused, but they fit her description well. I especially like how she's mauled on one side of her face; it's nice to see a cat with a gentle-sounding name have some pretty gruesome deformities. It reminds me of Brightheart. 9/10

Sweet and short-tempered don't clash together very well, but it is realistic. I do have to admit, though, the entire "sweet and motherly yet depressed" personality is SUPER overused. But it does make sense and it would also make sense that she got some of these personalities from, maybe, her injuries or her time spent as a kittypet. Those could be pretty traumatizing in some terms. 7/10

Ooh, I like the whole thing about the evil Twolegs. Making their dog go after their cat is a bit excessive, but it does make for a great plot point, so good job on that. But is that really all that happened in her life? What about kithood? Plans for the future? 6/10

Okay, but what about her parents? 6/10

Aw, Seedpaw sounds super cute! And maybe you could check the Allegiances for Mapleleaf's looks or, if he's your own character, make up looks for him. Otherwise, nice job! 9/10

Overall, your OC gets an 82/100! She has a good concept, but I really don't like the prefix of her name, her personality is overused, and her backstory needs quite a bit of work. This will most likely be determined through roleplay. The character herself is really cool, but maybe these things just need a bit of extra work. Otherwise, good job!

[fade]

Name: BarleyKit (Loner)| Barley-kit (Kit)| (Soon to be) Cougar-paw| (His warrior name will be) Barley-Growl |

Gender:Tom Cat

Clans/Affiliations: Loner, Windclan
Age: App:6 Moons| warrior:12 Moons| Death:50 Moons

Appearance: White tom with gigner stripes and green eyes. A red paw print on his right shoulder.

Personality: Helpful, he trys to be nice to everyone. his wish is to be leader as any kit, as an app he will try to be the best he can and will use his main attack: Pouncing.He has a temper.

Backstory: Born 6 moons ago he was left by a loner, his grandfather In Windclan territory, he was found by a patrol and brought back, He is now a full member of windclan.
Mate and Kits: Self-explanatory. N/A

Mention: @TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@Cougar

NAME: I don’t think that it would make sense if he had the name of Barleykit as a loner because loners don’t have Clan names... or maybe you were implying that he left the Clan and was a loner temporarily? But you didn’t specify that, like I asked for in the form. Why does his name change to Cougarpaw and then back to Barley-? I do like the prefix Barley-, though, because I don’t see it often. If you’re going to name your OC Cougar-, then make sure that the cats know what a cougar is. Finally, -growl is a nice suffix... but a lot of it doesn’t add up. 7/10

GENDER: Okay, free points. It’s nice to see male OCs getting more common. 10/10

AFFILIATIONS: It’s fairly typical for a loner to join a Clan, but it’s much less common for WindClan. Also, I don’t see WindClan OCs very much, so good job! But where does he go when he dies? 8.5/10

AGE: Okay, no problem with this! He became an apprentice and then a warrior at the typical times, which is good. Jeez, he died young... but it’s Warrior Cats, so what do you expect? It’s realistic, actually. 10/10

APPEARANCE: For the most part, I like this. I see quite a few white cats, and I have seen this design before, but it’s not overused! The green eyes work well with it. But... the red paw print on the shoulder? That seems a bit unrealistic because no cat could have that in real life. Kinda-sorta unique, but maybe give him a different distinguishing mark that’s more realistic. 8.5/10

PERSONALITY: For the most part, he is okay in this section. I really like how he’s helpful, but has a temper... I can imagine him asking to help somebody, but suddenly getting really annoyed if they keep piling on the workload! It’s also nice how he tries to be nice with a temper. However, the other things that you listed aren’t really personality traits, and although the ones he has are good, you could add more and flesh them out. Don’t forget to have a balance of good and bad traits! These traits could have a big affect on his backstory as well. 7.5/10

BACKSTORY: It’s okay for a starter, even if it is a bit cliche, but I would suggest fleshing it out a lot more. Where were his real parents and why was he with his grandfather? Was it because the parents didn’t want to take care of him, so the grandfather tried to but realized he was too old and left him. Why didn’t the parents want him? It’s good how a patrol found him, but some things will have to be figured out for a better backstory. Who adopted him and took care of him? What about relationships with his Clanmates? Any plans for the future? Again, it’s a good starter; I’d just recommend fleshing it out a whole lot more. 4.5/10

FAMILY: You literally didn’t mention anybody here. Is that because he was abandoned? Still, his family must be out there somewhere. Did he have any siblings? What about foster parents and siblings? 1/10

MATE AND KITS: Yup, makes sense. But do you have any plans for him having a mate/kits in the future? 9/10

OVERALL: Barleykit got a 66/100. Before you freak out, let me just tell you that this mainly comes from the missing Family section and the incomplete Backstory, although you did have some other things that you could fix as well. He’s a nice OC, so good job on him! (You can also pay the KK now if you haven’t already.)