Reviewing Your OCs

[fade]

Alright sending Kks over!

[Exis]

Name: Danely|Blackkit|Blackpaw

Gender: Male

Clans/Affiliations: Rouge|Shadowclan

Ranks: Rouge|Kit|Apprentice

Age: 4 and a half moons (Got to Shadowclan)| Six and a half moons (apprentice)

Appearance: http://warriorcatsonline.com/forums/...ictureid=11585 his eyes are supposed to be blue ice colored, https://www.google.com/search?q=blue...xdvZBaYSKIaTSM it makes others uncomfortable

Personality: Danely was a strange kit, bent on shiskabobing bugs with his claws, he doesn’t remember much though. Blackkit was kinda grumpy although he had a soft spot for his friends Falconkit and Berrykit. He has a voice in his head named Rakta, she is just generally evil but she can be agreeable. Blackpaw now has a plethora of issues including feeling responsible for those he cares about, having a bloodlust, mood swings, and he is somewhat moldable into whatever cats like Icestar need. Blackpaw also has anxiety attacks where he may pass out if one of his “charges” is injured.

Backstory: His parents didn’t want him, they thought he was a monster and left him in the woods whitch is where Rakta entered his life. He met his old best friend and first love in the nursery, Falconkit, before she disappeared. His apprenticeship was delayed on an escursion they went on. As an apprentice he became friends with lots of cats. One day his mother found him in the Forrest and gave him his half brother Frecklepaw. He was not his fathers son and his mother wanted to be rid of him. Blackpaw now trains his adoptive siblings, Darkkit and Foggypaw , when he gets any free time. Other wise he is patrolling with Freckle or with Dreampaw or Berrypaw, who he kinda likes but doesn’t know it. He is a busy boy. Oh, he’s also almost murdered 3-4 cats now and is looking to actually murder someone. He went on a special ’hunting’ Training with Falcondive, in whitch Falcon taught him how to properly kill a cat.


Immediate Family: Frecklepaw (half brother), Darkkit (adopted sister), Foggypaw (adopted sister). I honestly forgot.

Mate and Kits: N/A

Okay, the cost is gonna be 100 KK. I hope that this isn't too expensive. Enter away - and please take no offense! This is just advice and for fun as well.

EDIT: Oh, yeah, and don't forget to mention me! @TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

NAME: I like this! The name Danley feels like it would fit for him, and I don’t see the prefix Black- all that much. However, what about his warrior name? 8.5/10

GENDER: Nothing wrong with this! It’s also nice to see another male OC. 10/10

AFFILIATIONS: A rogue joining ShadowClan is really cliche, and ShadowClan OCs are used a lot, but this does fit him. Where does he go when he dies, though? 7.5/10

RANKS: Okay, makes sense. I’m assuming that he’s training to become a warrior. He was a kit as a rogue as well, I’d presume. What will he be in the future, though? 7.5/10

AGE: Nice, nice. I’m assuming that he became an apprentice at six moons? How long does he live, though? When will he become a warrior? 7.5/10

APPEARANCE: Ooh, cool. I do see black cats a lot, but hey, he’s called Blackpaw. I really like the eye scar and the tail markings; those add some extra flare. Icy blue eyes, though, are very overused... but they seem to be an important part of his design, I guess, and they do look pretty cool. Although there are a lot of black cats with blue eyes in OCs. 7.5/10

PERSONALITY: I do like this, for the most part... but he has way more flaws than good traits, so I suggest adding some. Killing bugs isn’ta personally trait, but it is interesting. So, this is okay... but some parts, like the voice and whatnot, are fairly cliche. 7/10

BACKSTORY: Okay, okay, this seems scattered and doesn’t have a lot of explanations. Why did his parents think that he was a curse? How did Rakta enter his life? What was his reaction to Falconkit disappearing, and if she the same cat as the other Falcon-? What was the excursion? What was his reaction to having a half-sibling plopped on his head and seeing his mother again? Any punishments for attempted murder or the works? And what do you have planned for his future? 6.5/10

FAMILY: What do they look like? Parents? Siblings? 4.5/10

MATE/KITS: Okay, but any planned for the future? 9/10

OVERALL: Blackpaw got a 75.5. His form felt a bit incomplete, and his backstory could use quite a bit of work. Otherwise, he is a really interesting character!
@Mentallyunstable

[Exis]

Originally Posted by TheNyanCatMinecart

NAME: I like this! The name Danley feels like it would fit for him, and I don’t see the prefix Black- all that much. However, what about his warrior name? 8.5/10

GENDER: Nothing wrong with this! It’s also nice to see another male OC. 10/10

AFFILIATIONS: A rogue joining ShadowClan is really cliche, and ShadowClan OCs are used a lot, but this does fit him. Where does he go when he dies, though? 7.5/10

RANKS: Okay, makes sense. I’m assuming that he’s training to become a warrior. He was a kit as a rogue as well, I’d presume. What will he be in the future, though? 7.5/10

AGE: Nice, nice. I’m assuming that he became an apprentice at six moons? How long does he live, though? When will he become a warrior? 7.5/10

APPEARANCE: Ooh, cool. I do see black cats a lot, but hey, he’s called Blackpaw. I really like the eye scar and the tail markings; those add some extra flare. Icy blue eyes, though, are very overused... but they seem to be an important part of his design, I guess, and they do look pretty cool. Although there are a lot of black cats with blue eyes in OCs. 7.5/10

PERSONALITY: I do like this, for the most part... but he has way more flaws than good traits, so I suggest adding some. Killing bugs isn’ta personally trait, but it is interesting. So, this is okay... but some parts, like the voice and whatnot, are fairly cliche. 7/10

BACKSTORY: Okay, okay, this seems scattered and doesn’t have a lot of explanations. Why did his parents think that he was a curse? How did Rakta enter his life? What was his reaction to Falconkit disappearing, and if she the same cat as the other Falcon-? What was the excursion? What was his reaction to having a half-sibling plopped on his head and seeing his mother again? Any punishments for attempted murder or the works? And what do you have planned for his future? 6.5/10

FAMILY: What do they look like? Parents? Siblings? 4.5/10

MATE/KITS: Okay, but any planned for the future? 9/10

OVERALL: Blackpaw got a 75.5. His form felt a bit incomplete, and his backstory could use quite a bit of work. Otherwise, he is a really interesting character!
@Mentallyunstable

I completely understand. I’ve used him so much it’s been really hard to keep track of his story. His warrior name will be Blackhaze and Blackheart if he ever gets himself together. I try to plan his future but it never really works out lol.

[-Ash-]

Here I am with another OC, but this one has more development

Name: Echo//Echopaw//Echowind

Gender: She-cat

Clans/Affiliations: Loner//WindClan//StarClan (future)

Ranks: Loner//Warrior Apprentice//Warrior

Age: 7 moons (apprentice)//13 moons (warrior)//53 moons (when she recieved Gullpaw, her app)//54 moons (current age)//undecided death

Appearance: Echowind is a pretty silver tabby with amber eyes, a scar on her shoulder, a torn ear, a scar on lag, and a scar on nose

Personality: Loyal, clever, sarcastic, sometimes rude, though never on purpose. She is very fond of her apprentice, Gullpaw, and loves training her.

Backstory: When Echo was 7 moons old, she joined WindClan as an apprentice, Echopaw. Due to starting training late, she became a warrior a moons later than usual. She served Clan for many moons, and when she was 53 moons, she recieved fer first apprentice: Gullpaw. One day she was attacked by a rogue, giving her the scar on her shoulder and the torn ear.

Immediate Family: Unknown

Mate and Kits: She doesn;t want a mate. She wants to fight for her Clan forever, not sit around in the nursery with a tom chasing her around.
@TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@TroubleandTsunami

Alright, this is a pretty name. I've seen the prefix Echo- getting more common, but it's alright. Even though I haven't paid great attention to the suffixes, -wind is still the name of the Clan, although it does make her a bit unique. If you changed it to something like Echobreeze, then her name would be overused. So, this is an okay name. 6/10

Okay, nothing wrong with a she-cat. 10/10

Her affiliations are fairly normal, even though I've seen a huge abundance of loners joining WindClan lately. I mean, I like WindClan OCs, but this has become to get overused. But alright. 9/10

Good for making her age not a perfect six moons; she was found a moon later. That also meant that her apprenticeship took the regular six moons, so technically, she was a warrior late even if that timeline matched her schedule, if you get what I mean. She's close to five years old when she receives her first apprentice; that's long, but it would make sense for a former loner. You haven't decided when she dies? That's alright, but I'll have to deduct a point for that. Sorry. 9/10

Her appearance is fairly simple, but that's fine. I really like the scars and how the amber eyes sit well with her silver tabby fur; I don't see that combination very often. That doesn't stop the fact, however, that silver tabbies are SUPER overused in OCs. So, this appearance is fine, but again, the fur coloring is overused, even if it looks pretty on her. 9/10

I do like her personality. None of her traits clash, and it shows that somebody who's just naturally clever and sarcastic can come off as rude. However, and although I do really like this personality, she doesn't have many flaws. As in, the good traits outweigh the bad, especially if she's only coming off as rude when she doesn't mean to. If she's clever, then maybe she's stubborn, or doesn't like listening to those who tell her that she's done too much, if you get what I mean. She might overwork herself. These would be good flaws for Echowind. 8/10

No offense, but this isn't much of a backstory. What was life like as a kit? What about her parents and/or siblings? Why was she found alone at such a young age? How was fitting into Clan life and training? Anything interesting happen when she was a warrior? How did she get the scar on her nose and the one on her leg? You definitely need to flesh her out a whole lot more, although this is a good start. 4/10

That's a shame. But even if your OC doesn't know who her kin is, you should. After all, you created the character. So, sorry. 1/10

Heh, nice description. I'm assuming, from this, that she won't get one in the future. I don't see a lot of she-cats who don't take mates, although this trend is picking up, so good job. 9/10

Overall, Echowind gets a 65/100! She really is an interesting OC, but could definitely use a lot more to her backstory, along with some tweaks to her personality, and more added onto her family. It was really fun reviewing her! Thanks for submitting her, TroubleAndTsunami! Please send the KK over when you're ready (it's 100 now, but since this has grown in popularity, I'm going to raise the price a bit - but you only have to pay 100 because you submitted it when the price was 100).

[Confuzzled.Lynx]

Name: Vixen || Dogkit || Dogpaw || Dogflame

Gender: Male

Clans/Affiliations: Rouge || RiverClan

Ranks: Rouge || Kit || Apprentice || Young Warrior

Age: Kit (2 moons) || Apprentice (6 moons) || Warrior (12 moons)

Appearance: Dark ginger tom with a white muzzle, chest and belly-fur with a white tipped tail, and copper eyes. The back of his ears are black and his paws are black.

Personality:Loyal || Hard working || Restless || Impatient || Stubborn

Backstory: Dogflame joined RiverClan when he was a kit. His mother had died from a badger attack and he was found wandering by the border. He became an apprentice and learnt most of his knowledge from other warriors as his mentor was inactive. He developed a crush near the end of his apprenticeship. He became a warrior only recently.

Immediate Family:
Biological mother- Moon (NPC) A ginger and white she-cat.
Biological Farther- Unknown
Siblings - Unknown
Adoptive mother - Flyfur (@Rainquail)

Mate and Kits: None

@TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@Lynxpaw

I do like these names. However, I think that I should inform you that Vixen is the name of a female fox and I can see that your character is male, so maybe just change his name to something like Fox. Otherwise, I don't see Dog- a lot, and -flame is overused, but this name is unique and I've never seen it before! Nice job. 8/10 (overused suffix and irrelevant first name)

It's nice to see a male OC. It's cool how they're getting more common; after all, since there are more females than males in the fanbase, female OCs are the ones that are most often seen. Toms and she-cats are automatic points, however. 10/10 (automatic points for regular genders)

Just letting you know that you spelled rogue like rouge, which is a type of makeup. I've seen quite a few rogues who join Clans, but some stories can be interesting if they are done right. RiverClan is a cool Clan to be in; I don't see a lot of rogues joining them. However, I do not know where he goes when he dies. 8/10 (cliche and I don't know what happens to him when he dies)

For the Ranks, you could've listed him as Kit | Rogue | Kit to imply that he had joined a Clan, but that's fine. Thanks for specifying the type of warrior, but this is still incomplete. Does he reach any other ranks? What is his rank before death? It's nice to see a regular warrior, but I don't know anything else about them. 7/10 (missing information)

I'm assuming that he was found at two moons and taken into a Clan. I would've liked more specification for that, but that's fine. Good for giving him the regular ages where he would rank up, but again, you are missing information. How old is he when he dies? Does he ever change ranks and age up that way? I understand that he might be a roleplay character, but at least have a base before you submit something. Even if you didn't know how old he was when he died, then how old is he currently? 7/10 (missing information)

I really like this appearance! It's unique, although now I'm more curious on how he got the prefix Dog-. But that's alright - he might look like a dog fox, and I guess that I can tell where he looks like a dog. -flame definitely makes sense. But anyway, this design is really unique, with the mix of the white, black, and dark ginger. I rarely see copper eyes and I really love this design, as simple as it may be. 10/10

Nice personality! I'm surprised that I don't see this most often, and it fits him well. He doesn't have many traits, but these ones are good for defining him. He does have more negative traits than positive ones, but for the most part, this is good. Maybe think up one more good trait for him. 9/10 (more negative than positive traits)

This is a good backstory, at least for a roleplaying character, but I do need some more information. Kits at two moons have motor skills and their eyes are open with colors developed, so that's a good age to have him be found. How about his father, though? His littermates, if he had any? It's interesting how his mentor was inactive; that reminds me of Brackenpaw/fur's apprenticeship, and happens a lot on this site, doesn't it? But anyway, this is nice, but I would like to know a bit more with some more detail. This backstory, even though it's a roleplaying character, feels incomplete. I would recommend thinking up what you want to happen or what you would do with this character if you weren't using him for roleplaying. 7/10 (incomplete backstory)

I'm sorry, but this just irks me. First of all, nice mother, but what's her eye color? Even if your OC doesn't know who the father is, you would. At least come up with a name and a description of the fur and eye color. Good for making his mother's fur match his. And his siblings are just unknown? Maybe you could say that he was born in a single litter or that his siblings were separated or died as well, but I'd need to know their names and what they looked like. Okay, so Flyfur is a roleplay character, but what does she look like? I'm pretty sure that you could find her in the Allegiances and get a description. Any adoptive siblings or an adoptive father? I apologize, but this section is incredibly incomplete. 3/10 (incomplete, missing eye color, missing description, missing cats)

Okay. He's a young warrior, so it makes sense that he doesn't have a mate and kits. But were you planning on giving him some? This is fine, but I would've liked to know about any future plans. Meanwhile, who was his crush? 8/10 (would've liked to hear about crush/future plans)

Overall, Dogflame gets a 77/100. I do find him to be an interesting character with a bunch of potential, but the form was rather incomplete. I understand why: you're roleplaying with him, and I was probably too harsh on a roleplay character. I'm sorry if you are offended. However, it's harder to judge when you aren't provided with the right information. He was also missing some things, like maybe one more good trait to his personality, and simple things like his mother's eye color. Again, he's a good character, but could use some work. Thank you for submitting, Lynxpaw! Send over the 300 KK when you're ready.

[BEAR.]

"Dog fox" is just the fancy way of saying "male fox". It's basically the male form of "vixen." @TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@BILL.

Oh, alright. Thanks for letting me know.