Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]
Her almost happily erratic mood had calmed since leaving the medicine cat's den and sending Rockjaw on his errand, but it remained clear that the young medic had something chipper about her, something energised. And new sort of energy coursing through her veins, teeth chewing on her lip and only stopping once she halted outside the leader's den. She swallowed down a bit of a nervous giggle, ears flicking and paws still a little shaky from that tumultuous dream. Admittedly it was visible that her night had been restless, and yet all these thoughts were running through her brain. She took a steadying few breaths.
"Miss Grandmama, may I enter?"
She called from outside, tone surprisingly level as she spoke, a stark contrast to what it had been minutes ago. She awaited permission from inside before dipping her head and entering or being met outside by the leader - she had noticed her doing such with some visitors - but was largely used to being able to enter, and expected today to be no different.
She had given her fur a quick few licks just before entering, then blinked against the dim light of the den. She regarded her grandmother for a few seconds, head dipping respectfully before she dared speak. "I would like your permission to wander the outskirts. On occasion."
She stated calmly, straight to the point and a hopeful look in her eyes. She waited a second before elaborating. "I have learned from... The dead;"
Hah, heh, dead. "But there is much more to learn. I wish to explore for more varied herbs, and put them to test on a few outsiders. Beyond the few who agree to it when joining the clan. I believe it would be beneficial to my studies."
She paused briefly, a thought striking her. "I don't intend to use the herbs from within our storage. Only those gathered with an unknown use, or collected the day of."
She failed to mention her recent dream with the creature that had taken her mama, the reason for her restless night and, to its credit, the reason why she stood here. It seemed something had clicked between their last meeting and her now wakeful state, new ideas come to mind and the will to put them in action. Either way, Sleepysunrise was eager to push her studies forth in the less orthodox manner that was running experiments on the unsuspecting few, and her grandmother's blessing is all she truly needed for it. Hopefully, she would agree.
Okay, let's try this again. She's been putting it off for moons, but she had to get to the bottom of this before she demoted out of pure paranoia. He ignored her the first time she called for him. If she had to go hunt him down in the medicine den, all hell would break, loose.
"Silentpaw." She calls for the tom outside her and waits impatiently for him to arrive.
@Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by kira
[this post takes place after mistlewhisker's talk with pinekit! o7]
Pondlily approached Dawnstar's den, her tail tip twitching to-and-fro. She glanced back to look at the kits. ''Be respectful,'' she mewed to Mushroomkit and Pinekit before slipping in the den, making sure that they followed.
''Dawnstar,'' the warrior mewed in greeting, dipping her head to the ShadowClan Leader in respect. ''I apologize for bothering you, but we have an issue. I was hosting a feather race for the kits. I thought it would be good for them. But, Mushroomkit has an imaginary friend---she calls her Dovekit, I believe---and Pinekit told me that she's crazy, and then he went to attack her.''
''I took the wounds he would have given her myself---which are just scratches, but still---and then Mistlewhisker grabbed him and pulled him aside. However, I still thought it was best to bring them to you, see what you would like to do,'' Pondlily sat back, wrapping her tail around Mushroomkit. ''As far as I know of, I believe that Pinekit has attacked Mushroomkit before. Tinywolf approached and asked Mushroomkit if Pinekit had hurt her again.''
[ hey hey !! i asked taker if pondlily could bring the kits to dawnstar since this is a situation dawnstar should know about and it would be unlikely for pond ic not to tell her /gen ]
[ @Undertaker | Dawnstar ]
[ @Mica | Mistlewhisker ; this takes place after mistle's talk with pine, but just thought i'd mention you. it's not that pond doubts mistle, she just wants dawn to know about the situation o7 ]
[ @Dolomedes | Mushroomkit, Dovekit ]
[ @dragonwind | Pinekit ]
- @kira - @/Mica - @Undertaker - @Dolomedes - :sweats: oops. hallucination (cindergrowth if you wish) doesn't exist if you couldn't tell. it's basically pinekit making someone else to blame, a physical representation of jealousy (like the phrase about like green eyed monsters or something meaning envy) and his intrusive thoughts. he sometimes can't hear because he's blanking out the words in fear and then cindergrowth is filling them in with what he's scared of. basically his head is bullying him. cinder is also trying to convince him he's useless. also, trying my best not to accidentally type the german lyrics of the song I'm listening to while writing this -
Pinekit was terrified. What. The leader was a bit over the top in his opinion. Having the deputy tell them he was going to die was scary enough - he didn't need a demotion to dead - but now DAWNSTAR? What had the thing made him do?? It knew it wanted it as its den eventually... but it kept quiet, following Pondlilly. He was scared. Green creature was right behind him, he could feel it. The not-fur brushing against his tail. The vines were snaked around its fur and he hated how it looked. What had even happened to its eye? What was up with the flower?? It tried to shake it off from its head (metaphorically, if it shook its head at... nothing, Dawnstar would probably call it crazy and send it to like... ThunderClan (ew) or something) and look forward to the future of staying right here. It was too nice to have everyone kick it out. Pinekit was nervous, eyes darting as they entered the den, green creature just having phased through the nursery wall and getting ahead of them, before walking right through him and walking behind him again, sending a chill through his spine. He seemed to blur out all of the words again and he couldn't tell why couldn't tell why- WHAT DID PONDLILLY EVEN SAY. He just wanted to scream and cry but he couldn't at all ever or everyone would call him weak weak weak and if he was weak then nobody would ever ever ever want him as an apprentice, no, they'd just make him an elder early because he was deaf, or something. A dark tail wrapped in vines trailed behind a dead looking body and it spoke at him again. To Pinekit it meowed, "She basically just said that you should be exiled because you tried to kill Mushroomkit, twice." smiling. It looked at Dawnstar, awaiting a response to twist. Pinekit didn't believe it, but he listened still. He needed to pay attention to Dawnstar. If he listened, green creature couldn't lie to him.
Pinekit couldn't be bothered to pay any attention to Mushroomkit anymore because green creature said so, and then when Dawnstar asked for his opinion on this or something like that, he should fight her because he needed to prove he was actually strong.
Mushroomkit hadn't meant for anything to end up like this, she didn't even realize things could end up like this. If she had any clue of what was going to happen then Mushroomkit would've ran away from Pinekit the first time he approached her with his fake kindness and playfulness. It was only a trick to hurt Mushroomkit and make Dovekit upset. The dark russet kitten walked in after Pondlily, feeling kind of bad about ruining her event so much. Really all Mushroomkit wanted was to play a game and then Pinekit had to ruin things again.
Pondlily had started to explain things to Dawnstar- who, by the way, wasn't as scary as she has heard of- and flinched as the warrior called her sister 'imaginary.' "She isn't... she's real, Dovekit is real." Mushroomkit muttered under her breath but otherwise let the notion go as Pondlily explained that Pinekit had aimed to attack her and how Pinekit may have hurt her earlier- which he did. Was she supposed to speak now? She wanted her mom, or Tinywolf, she didn't want to be here. She didn't even really want Pinekit to get in trouble, she just wants him to live with her and Dovekit alone permanently and for him to stop hurting people.
Pinekit wasn't saying anything. He seemed scared. Mushroomkit was almost happy that he was scared, because then he would understand how she felt when he cut her with his claws and then followed her into an event just to try attacking her again. "We were just playing. He said he wanted to practice wrestling and I said okay because I thought it was like play fighting, but then he hurt me with his claws. I had a scratch and I went to the medicine den." She explained, looking down at her paws before lifting on up to press against where the mostly healed and nearly impossible to see past her fur scratch was.
"He lied to Tinywolf when she approached us because I started crying, and said that I attacked him first and he shoved me into thorns in defense but we were in the nursery! There's no thorns, and I wouldn't hurt anyone but other clans! I just wanted to ignore it and play Pondlily's game but then Pinekit followed me and then attacked me after being mean to Dovekit."
Oh boy, this was going to be a fun one. Her amber irises gleam as three cats enter her den, one new warrior and two kits. She listens as Pondlily starts talking yet doesn't move her eyes from the kits. So one hairball had an imaginary friend, wonderful, and the other was attacking her for little to no reason.
If she didn't have a duty to this clan she would have left at Mistlewhisker settling it and left it at that. Alas, as these hairballs were her future warriors, she had to put in some effort here. Pinekit was kinda twitchy, his eyes kept darting back and forth which could just be due to nervousness. When they did finally stop moving, she wouldn't say he was focused, his gaze looked far off, hearing but not listening. He reeked of fear but it was not due to her. Dawnstar put enough terror into the heart of her clanmates to know when it was directed at her.
Then there was Mushroomkit who was grumbling about Dovekit being real. Then she dipped into her version of the events, showing the leader her invisible scratch, which didn't really clear anything up here. Silence encompassed the den for a couple of heartbeats as Dawnstar waited for Pinekit to defend himself, but it seemed he was waiting to be promoted to speak.
"Who exactly is Dovekit, what does she look like, and are you the only one who can see her?" Dawnstar directed that question to Mushroomkit. The leader didn't really care, but over the moons have learned to indulge kits and their weird tendency due to her weirdass kittens.
As for PInekit, the leader's tail lashed out aiming to cuff the kitten over the head. "Hey, Pinekit, I need you to pay attention." She waits and cocks her head until she is certain that she had the kit's eyes and ears on her fully.
"Pondlily, you're dismissed for now. I'll take them back to the nursery when I'm done with them." Dawnstar tells the warrior seeing no reason to have to sit in the den with her over this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fits
Foxpaw
| he/him | ShadowClan | Apprentice |
Mother welcomed Foxpaw in. Really, he expected that. Dawnstar the leader had a sharp tongue and a short temper, but Dawnstar the mother tended to make more allowances. Foxpaw stifled the flicker of disappointment that stirred in his stomach and pushed into the den to settle beside Mother, craning his neck to meet her gaze.
Looking up at Mother like this made him feel like a kit. Foxpaw had grown quite a bit over time, but Mother still dwarfed him easily and probably would for life. Maybe his longer-than-average tail made up for it to some extent, but that probably made him look more strange and lanky than anything else--not adult or intimidating, like Mother. He narrowed his eyes. He didn't like it.
Foxpaw had been silent for several heartbeats, and it was at this moment that he realized that he hadn't actually planned anything to say, and would probably be gaping awkwardly like a toad very soon if he didn't pull himself together. One didn't simply walk up to someone and ask to talk for no reason. Surely Mother expected him to have something more specific on his mind.
Right, a story about Mother's past. Foxpaw could ask about Mother's past. Maybe it would seem like the apprentice had come, lost and without direction, and needed a piece of Mother's life to guide him through. It was fairly feasible. It was easier than the truth, anyway. In any case, he had already thought this over more than he cared to, though unfortunately he would still have to think and use tact to avoid accidentally stirring any painful memories. That would be wrong, and he didn't exactly have the capacity to deal with those sorts of difficult emotions.
Well, here goes nothing. Foxpaw would ask a simple but open-ended question, get Mother talking for a bit, and bonding achieved. It was so easy. Why had he ever doubted that? How strange.
"What sort of cat do you want me to become?"
What? That wasn't what Foxpaw had asked at all--what he meant to ask, that is. He had spoken slowly and deliberately, as if he really had asked something silly like, When did you know you wanted to become leader? or whatever else was flying through that fluffy head of his. And he had asked a very strange question out of nowhere, and there was nothing he could do about it.
His eyes had flashed for a moment with surprise at his own words, but now he smoothed that expression over with a more usual, serious one. If he couldn't fix that faux pas, he had to at least act like it was on purpose. Trying to walk a question like that back would only make things worse and exhaust him unnecessarily. He simply awaited Mother's response. If nothing else, she would have to have an interesting answer to such a question. Maybe Foxpaw wanted to hear it.
As the long-tailed kitten joins her, Dawnstar sighs out of her nostrils and simply watches him as he gets settled. She can't help but wonder what's rattling around inside that little head of his. Dawnstar prided herself on being able to read cats, a skill she learned not long after she became a leader. Since she bore and reared them one would think she'd have a better idea of what went on in the minds of her spawn, but nope.
Grottopaw she could guess, his undying loyalty towards her made him easier to understand and read. He had a similar thought process as Dawnstar had when she was younger and Icestar started filling her head with strength and ambition. However unlike their relationship, Dawnstar had no problems treating him like he was actual family and not a mere tool to further her ambitions. Or at least she was trying, same with the rest of these spawns. She felt like she was doing alright, or so she hoped.
Silence filled the den so loudly it was almost unnerving, Dawnstar's tail tip twitched behind her and her eyes blinked slowly as she waited. He had said he wanted to talk so she assumed he'd be asking some questions. A sideways glance tells her he's thinking so she grooms the fur on her leg while letting him get his thoughts in order. She wondered if he had thought she'd turn him away and that's why he hadn't gotten his through in order. Hmm, maybe she wasn't doing as well at this mother stuff as she initially thought she was.
When the question does come, she pauses her groom mid-lick, tongue still hanging out, and glances at Foxpaw whose surprise is erased from his face with the next blink of her eyes. That was a strange question, but she should have expected it from one of her weirdos.
"If you had been born a few seasons back, I would have told you I wanted you to be among the strongest and the greatest. I have been told that I have rather high expectations and don't do well when those expectations aren't met. You, being of my blood, I'd expect nothing but the best and beyond from you." Dawnstar felt a smirk full of unspoken pain tug at her maw and fall away in the next heartbeat.
"But now I'll simply be pleased with whatever you want to become so long as it's not a traitor. Stand at the top or lurk in the shadows, you can do as you please just don't wander from your roots." She had played the expectation card with her adopted kits, assuming like with her, they'd grow stronger from it. However it seemed to simply break them in some way or other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estelle
Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]
Her almost happily erratic mood had calmed since leaving the medicine cat's den and sending Rockjaw on his errand, but it remained clear that the young medic had something chipper about her, something energised. And new sort of energy coursing through her veins, teeth chewing on her lip and only stopping once she halted outside the leader's den. She swallowed down a bit of a nervous giggle, ears flicking and paws still a little shaky from that tumultuous dream. Admittedly it was visible that her night had been restless, and yet all these thoughts were running through her brain. She took a steadying few breaths.
"Miss Grandmama, may I enter?"
She called from outside, tone surprisingly level as she spoke, a stark contrast to what it had been minutes ago. She awaited permission from inside before dipping her head and entering or being met outside by the leader - she had noticed her doing such with some visitors - but was largely used to being able to enter, and expected today to be no different.
She had given her fur a quick few licks just before entering, then blinked against the dim light of the den. She regarded her grandmother for a few seconds, head dipping respectfully before she dared speak. "I would like your permission to wander the outskirts. On occasion."
She stated calmly, straight to the point and a hopeful look in her eyes. She waited a second before elaborating. "I have learned from... The dead;"
Hah, heh, dead. "But there is much more to learn. I wish to explore for more varied herbs, and put them to test on a few outsiders. Beyond the few who agree to it when joining the clan. I believe it would be beneficial to my studies."
She paused briefly, a thought striking her. "I don't intend to use the herbs from within our storage. Only those gathered with an unknown use, or collected the day of."
She failed to mention her recent dream with the creature that had taken her mama, the reason for her restless night and, to its credit, the reason why she stood here. It seemed something had clicked between their last meeting and her now wakeful state, new ideas come to mind and the will to put them in action. Either way, Sleepysunrise was eager to push her studies forth in the less orthodox manner that was running experiments on the unsuspecting few, and her grandmother's blessing is all she truly needed for it. Hopefully, she would agree.
[Happy Sleepy is so cute.]
The she-cat was sharpening her claws on the stone walls when the medic entered the den. She hadn't bothered pausing after hearing Sleepysunrise's call and granting her entrance into the den. Dawnstar assumed all was well with them after the last topic they spoke about here. She had sensed some turmoil from the she-cat, but affectioned farewell settled her concerns regarding Sleepysunrise turning on her the same way her mother had.
Dawnstar drops down on all fours and looks at her granddaughter after she asks her odd question. She wants to wander around the outskirts? The leader's initial thought was a big fat NO. But before the denial could leave her maw she clenched her jaw shut and listened to the rest of Sleepysunrise's words.
Confusion dances in her large golden orbs at the mention of the dead. StarClan? She thought they were being silent after the collapse. She was certainly going to have to ask more on that; but later since it didn't truly concern her as much as Sleepy wandering around the outskirts.
"Fine," she huffs after a long thought. "Since it's a learning experience I won't deny you, but you have to take one of the Enforcers or Mistlewhisker if you go wandering. I don't doubt your skills, but there are too many unknown threats for you to go alone." She'd be beyond livid if her granddaughter came home hurt or worse disappeared. She wouldn't know who to kill if its the latter.
__________________
siggy art by redshiftreign
Dawnstar is the leader of ShadowClan. She has a semi-closed den policy as in do not enter without asking permission first or her fangs'll greet you. ShadowClan Resources ||| Dawnstar ||| ||| Kit Curriculum Finder
The emotions roiling beneath his pelt felt like burning. It was all too much, all too complicated, not one feeling able to be distinguished from the other bar perhaps anger and hurt. Though the details of each remained just as writhing as the toms mind.
He turned to pace the leaders den, knocking against the walls and things with uncontrollable wobbling, more of shaking really, as the leader spoke. Did he believe her of all cats? After Lostspark betrayed him? Could he trust anyones word, their bond, their very actions after his Mama of all cats could act contrary to everything he knew of her? Contrary of everything he knew at all to be honest.
Therein lay the issue really. Perhaps in pieces this all could be understood and handled with more grace but all together it'd destroyed the foundations of Bleedingpaws self and how he understood the world. Fundamental truths were not so anymore, and cast into doubt everything.
For once Bleedingpaws blue eyes were piercing rather then soulful and soft, fixed on the leader as if he was trying to crawl inside her mind and pry appart her words for some measure of understanding. The apprentice was a cat who needed someone to fix himself around, a core, a source, a pillar of faith he could exist for, being a being who did not see himself as valuable enough to do it for himself. It wasnt like he wasnt happy, or content with himself, the golden son was just genuinely someone who existed for others and understood he needed to choose someone incredible to not ruin himself in the process. Lostspark had not been that cat, and if Dawnstar wasnt either....
It'd cost him everything that was left.
But in the end Bleedingpaw was no mind reader. His shaken faith said he couldnt trust. His keen intelligence said she was telling the truth. In the end the decision came down to one simple thing.
What was left of his life and effort if she too was full of words and nothing else?
Between nothing and potentially nothing it was better to try for the potential of nothing.
The words were dull, flat but the emotions within were akin to the edge of a fang. "I just dont understand it. She loved me, I know she did. She loved you. She loved at least some of my siblings. It wasnt enough, we shouldve been enough for her. Her justifications for this arent enough to justify giving all that up.
It just doesnt make sense, you dont do this to the cats you love."
Love was sacrifice, love was being better for them, being there for them and making their life better by you being in it. Love wasnt hurting your family like this, especially when you could do what caused them this agony with less pain. It wouldve hurt still, but had Lostspark acted differently this couldve been so much better. Cats left the clan, sometimes forever sometimes briefly, it happened. But to fake your death knowing what you'd be leaving behind? It was unconscionable.
From the loss of a mother to that loss being because of betrayal of a family member (sister, the mother herself, what did it matter in the end) the situation must feel like ash in the mouth of the leader.
Bleedingpaw was listening to her however, believing as much as he could believe anything.
The Commander moved silently into the den, clearing his throat to make his presence known. "Dawnstar," he'd greet curtly, settling into the spot he normally took up near the entrance. "Rookfire had approached me about becoming an Enforcer again, wanting to challenge Tuftedtusk for his rank. I was informed he was told to ask me, so here I am with my decision. Rookfire gave me no reasons to deny a challenge, even backing up his points."
His ears flicked and his tail twitched at the irritation this would bring to the board. "I don't think Tuftedtusk is the Enforcer he should challenge, though," Hawkbite continued, "Let him challenge Newtbelly or Owlthroat for the rank. Tuftedtusk has been consistent, regardless of the family he'd brought into the clan," Hawkbite suggested. If one or the other were approved, he'd continue out to begin the challenge.
╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗ Silentpaw
Patched tortoiseshell tabby tom with heather blue eyes and a short fluffy tail.
He/Him | 10 Moons| + every 1st | ShadowClan Medicine Cat Apprentice | Silent
[ #SilentMCA ]
Silentpaw snaps back to reality at the mention of his name, coming from someone he did not really like hearing his name from. Internally grimacing but keeping a cool exterior, the tom made his way over to Dawnstar. He knew she didn't like waiting, and he wasn't about to give her a reason to wait. He approached with a cautious and curious tip of his head.
Please feel free to bump me on any ongoing RPs, no matter how long it's been. I have ADHD and it gets really hard for me to keep track of all my RPs ^^
Additionally, I do not share the same beliefs as my characters! Please do not take their words personally <3
• • •
༻ Silentpaw is ShadowClan's Medicine Cat Apprentice! Do mention me whenever he is needed ^^ ༺ ShadowClan Healing | Medicine Den Character Bios | Training Tracker | Silentpaw's Tracker | Art Shop | Waitlist | RP Finder
Last edited by Star; March 28th, 2025 at 11:12 AM.
Foxpaw blinked up at Mother. She didn't seem to perturbed by his unexpected question, though Foxpaw wondered what that said about him and his siblings exactly. Well, no matter. If he didn't have to deal with it, there was no use worrying over it.
Mother began by saying that she had wanted for Foxpaw and his siblings to be the "strongest and greatest". Well, naturally, he though, a bit hopefully. Naturally ShadowClan's leader would only want the best for her spawn; if they could follow in her footsteps at least somewhat, they'd be fairly well-off.
But, of course, that simple and secure answer couldn't have lasted long. She went on to explain that she didn't feel that way anymore. Foxpaw frowned, staring at his paws. Of course, he had no intentions of meeting those previous expectations. He never strived for excellence, and he had no expectation of achieving anything like becoming an Enforcer or beyond. That being said, Foxpaw still felt a sort of dread hearing those words. It was a bit nice to know that someone had high hopes for him, even as they would inevitably be crushed. That was irrational, though. It made no sense. He was supposed to be relieved by his freedom, and yet...
He would have to focus on the concrete aspects of her words. So long as Foxpaw didn't turn out to be a traitor, he could more or less do as he liked. "I can do that much," he said with a shrug. That was something. But still, not exactly the answer he'd been looking for. He'd been looking for an answer, somehow, despite having asked the question by accident.
"I guess out of all of us, at least one would have to be ordinary," Foxpaw murmured, mostly to himself. Many of his siblings had their own hopes of becoming Eforcers or high ranks. Between the litter, surely at least one would simply live a life in the shadows. Perhaps he should take that role.
Even so, Foxpaw paused. Perhaps there was still a way to squeeze a more specific reply out of her--enough to satisfy the apprentice's uncertainty, anyway. "But if I only did the bare minimum to be a warrior, you'd be upset, wouldn't you? You'd wish I'd done more with my life."
Shadowclan warrior - 19 moons - Large dark brown-and-white tabby she-cat with green eyes.
(Purrks: N/A)
~~~
Mosstangle felt her heart pounding in her chest from the day's events, but once Pondlily was safely brought to the medicine cat den, she resumed with Dawnstar's orders. She paused before approaching the den and took a deep breath to compose herself. She was better than this!
Once her fur smoothed and the tip of her tail stopped twitching, she approached the leader's den calmly, waiting for Mudslide to show up before calling out. "Dawnstar, it is Mosstangle and Mudslide. We have returned and are here as ordered." She said. The warrior waited for her leader to permit their entrance before stepping into the den.
She dipped her head respectfully to Dawnstar. Not wanting to waste any more of the leader's time today, she began.
"I'll provide as much as I saw this morning." She said. "Ravenfeather, Blackjaw, and I were hunting by the evergreen grotto. There was no particular signs of a fox that I noticed, we even encountered more prey than expected. It was when I stepped into the grotto for a drink that I found the grey fox hiding away.
"Pondlily showed up seconds after I spotted it. She led the charge to attack first. We all attacked together, then Pondlily sent me back to camp to get reinforcements. There were no injuries at that time, but thinking she had found something I wasn't aware of, I followed through and returned to camp." Mosstangle reported, not feeling the need to insult Dawnstar's intelligence by adding something like "and that's when you came in!" It felt like an insult that it had even crossed her mind to say.
She was interested in hearing when Mudslide showed up and what it was that she'd missed, as well as what Dawnstar may have discovered, if anything, in her own investigation... if she would even share it.
[Scorpionpaw]
ShadowClan Apprentice
25/100
No Purrks
"MAMAAA"
A shameful Scorpionpaw would scream from the clearing, waddling over to her Mama's den with her head low and her tail drooping across the ground. Being only six moons, she was going through the phase of being small and having big feelings... well as much feeling as she could muster. It was more of a lack of work, lack of feeling accomplished, that made her approach her Mama today.
She'd push her way into the den, her eyes glimmering darkly in the dimmer lighting. Something was hidden deep in those eyes that the outside comedic was attempting to mask. "Mama, I'm failing. I'm the worst apprentice ever," Scorpionpaw began, dragging her paws until she was at the edge of Dawnstar's nest before she'd slump down with a sigh. She missed the easy moons, just laying in this familiar nest and den with her family. "Midnightsun hasn't trained me at all. I don't even think I know what he looks like. No one is helping me. I asked Flytail and Blackpine for training and so far nothing's come of it. Bleedingpaw is very helpful, but I don't know if his training is official or not..." she caught herself rambling.
Scorp would shut her mouth and stare blankly at her Mama's paws from the low position she was laying in currently. She'd wait for some type of support or advice. Usually, any irritated or bitter tone went over her head when it came to Dawnstar and her siblings. It was beginning to become a trend that some cats might start picking up. Scorp was good at masking a lot of things, but dissociating and feeling a lack of emotion or connection was starting to show in her day-to-day interactions. Even now, her mask was fading to reveal a less emotional feline, showing enough intellect to shut herself up from rambling. Breaking the mask of the clown, she typically wore. "I'm doing my best to find help, I guess," she'd eventually sigh, a monotone voice escaping her for once.
The emotions roiling beneath his pelt felt like burning. It was all too much, all too complicated, not one feeling able to be distinguished from the other bar perhaps anger and hurt. Though the details of each remained just as writhing as the toms mind.
He turned to pace the leaders den, knocking against the walls and things with uncontrollable wobbling, more of shaking really, as the leader spoke. Did he believe her of all cats? After Lostspark betrayed him? Could he trust anyones word, their bond, their very actions after his Mama of all cats could act contrary to everything he knew of her? Contrary of everything he knew at all to be honest.
Therein lay the issue really. Perhaps in pieces this all could be understood and handled with more grace but all together it'd destroyed the foundations of Bleedingpaws self and how he understood the world. Fundamental truths were not so anymore, and cast into doubt everything.
For once Bleedingpaws blue eyes were piercing rather then soulful and soft, fixed on the leader as if he was trying to crawl inside her mind and pry appart her words for some measure of understanding. The apprentice was a cat who needed someone to fix himself around, a core, a source, a pillar of faith he could exist for, being a being who did not see himself as valuable enough to do it for himself. It wasnt like he wasnt happy, or content with himself, the golden son was just genuinely someone who existed for others and understood he needed to choose someone incredible to not ruin himself in the process. Lostspark had not been that cat, and if Dawnstar wasnt either....
It'd cost him everything that was left.
But in the end Bleedingpaw was no mind reader. His shaken faith said he couldnt trust. His keen intelligence said she was telling the truth. In the end the decision came down to one simple thing.
What was left of his life and effort if she too was full of words and nothing else?
Between nothing and potentially nothing it was better to try for the potential of nothing.
The words were dull, flat but the emotions within were akin to the edge of a fang. "I just dont understand it. She loved me, I know she did. She loved you. She loved at least some of my siblings. It wasnt enough, we shouldve been enough for her. Her justifications for this arent enough to justify giving all that up.
It just doesnt make sense, you dont do this to the cats you love."
Love was sacrifice, love was being better for them, being there for them and making their life better by you being in it. Love wasnt hurting your family like this, especially when you could do what caused them this agony with less pain. It wouldve hurt still, but had Lostspark acted differently this couldve been so much better. Cats left the clan, sometimes forever sometimes briefly, it happened. But to fake your death knowing what you'd be leaving behind? It was unconscionable.
From the loss of a mother to that loss being because of betrayal of a family member (sister, the mother herself, what did it matter in the end) the situation must feel like ash in the mouth of the leader.
Bleedingpaw was listening to her however, believing as much as he could believe anything.
Dawnstar's tongue leaves its cave to brush once, twice, thrice over her muzzle as if trying to remove something bitter. That what this was something bitter. Her eyes trail the literally shaky apprentice as he goes back and forth, bumping into her walls, as he paces. She was glad she kept all her more fragile and precious items in the back of her den. The tension in the den was so high that all it would take was the most diminutive snap to trigger something she'd regret.
Anger has always been the leader's most potent and reliable defense mechanism. Right now it was boiling in her belly, knocking against her ribs, demanding release, but she caged it. Pushed it down through Will alone as she observed the apprentice go through his... as her mother would call it temper tantrum. Few would see it as what it actually was, pain, confusion, doubt, loss, disbelief. It was easier to hide such emotions behind a fire since no one would dare to try to touch them in fear of getting burned.
The leader's tail twitches when he finally stops and turns to peer at her. She meets his stare with an inquisitive one of her own. Betrayal left a scar so searing that it never went away. It was with every waking moment of your life. Cause once you've felt the sting of betrayal suddenly everyone was out to get you. No matter who it was, or how close you were, you'd always doubt them just a little. One could never trust anyone as much as they had their first betrayer.
And he shouldn't, if he did give everything to someone like he had Lark, then he was setting himself up for failure. Dawnstar loathed how similar they were, their experiences weren't the same, but the outcome was identical. She was sure the feelings were as well. So she wasn't surprised when he stared at her as if trying to read her very soul, separate truth from lie. This was going to become a reoccurring issue with him. Doubt, although she hoped he didn't transcend to paranoia. Had he reached that level of trauma? She didn't think so, she wasn't keen on anyone walking her in paw steps.
No, he wouldn't be here with her if he had fallen that deep, would have heard her out and turned away. He must have it too, huh? It was funny and so sad at the same time. Out of all the cats in the clan it had to be the two grandkids that shared this vexing need, the two grandkits who had lost that faith and bond due to a mother's betrayal. It almost made her want to laugh. She couldn't say what it was exactly, approval, love, companionship, they craved the same thing every cat does, but most don't have this need warped by treachery.
Her ears stood straight while listening to Bleedingpaw speak for what felt like forever. The tone was dull yet intense speaking of things she had no answer for. "You're chirping to the flock, Wobbles. I don't have the answers you seek as I've spent seasons trying to understand the same thing and am still clueless." Love hurts is all she got from it.
The Commander moved silently into the den, clearing his throat to make his presence known. "Dawnstar," he'd greet curtly, settling into the spot he normally took up near the entrance. "Rookfire had approached me about becoming an Enforcer again, wanting to challenge Tuftedtusk for his rank. I was informed he was told to ask me, so here I am with my decision. Rookfire gave me no reasons to deny a challenge, even backing up his points."
His ears flicked and his tail twitched at the irritation this would bring to the board. "I don't think Tuftedtusk is the Enforcer he should challenge, though," Hawkbite continued, "Let him challenge Newtbelly or Owlthroat for the rank. Tuftedtusk has been consistent, regardless of the family he'd brought into the clan," Hawkbite suggested. If one or the other were approved, he'd continue out to begin the challenge.
Lookie what the cat dragged in. Dawnstar's eyes glimmered in the dim lighting of the den as the Commander slipped in silently. Her ears jerk, as if shaking dirt from them, as the leader tries to figure out if they are working. Then he clears his throat. They work, he was just that quiet. Impressive.
Oh, yeah. She completely forgot about that birdy's challenge. Dawnstar's lids lower a tad as she narrows her eyes and glares at Hawkbite when he advocates for a different challenger. That's not how this works, or normally wouldn't, but Dawnstar wasn't interested in arguing why Tuftedtusk was or wasn't a better match. If Hawkbite wanted to keep him so be it.
"If you approve then give him Owlthroat to challenge. I quite like the tom, he has the potential to be among the greats, but he's also recently demonstrated that he's quick to squander it over ego. He can establish whether he has what it takes to be called an elite with a fight against Rookfire." She replied almost dismissively.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star
╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗ Silentpaw
Patched tortoiseshell tabby tom with heather blue eyes and a short fluffy tail.
He/Him | 11 Moons| + every 1st | ShadowClan Medicine Cat Apprentice | Silent
[ #SilentMCA ]
Silentpaw snaps back to reality at the mention of his name, coming from someone he did not really like hearing his name from. Internally grimacing but keeping a cool exterior, the tom made his way over to Dawnstar. He knew she didn't like waiting, and he wasn't about to give her a reason to wait. He approached with a cautious and curious tip of his head.
Ah, so his ears do work! If he had come the first time she called she'd be in a less prickly mood. As the leader had no patience with beating around the bush or pleasantries she quickly began questioning the tom.
"I am not going to waste much time here. What's going on with you and that Thundervermin, Firebud, Fireblossom, Firewhatever." She gave up rather quickly trying to remember the name. "You were staring at her like she put stars in the sky after her name was called, and she at you." Dawnstar didn't even bother warning him against lying to her. By now cats should know better than to lie to her.
[
QUOTE=Fits;1733942]
Foxpaw
| he/him | ShadowClan | Apprentice |
Foxpaw blinked up at Mother. She didn't seem to perturbed by his unexpected question, though Foxpaw wondered what that said about him and his siblings exactly. Well, no matter. If he didn't have to deal with it, there was no use worrying over it.
Mother began by saying that she had wanted for Foxpaw and his siblings to be the "strongest and greatest". Well, naturally, he though, a bit hopefully. Naturally ShadowClan's leader would only want the best for her spawn; if they could follow in her footsteps at least somewhat, they'd be fairly well-off.
But, of course, that simple and secure answer couldn't have lasted long. She went on to explain that she didn't feel that way anymore. Foxpaw frowned, staring at his paws. Of course, he had no intentions of meeting those previous expectations. He never strived for excellence, and he had no expectation of achieving anything like becoming an Enforcer or beyond. That being said, Foxpaw still felt a sort of dread hearing those words. It was a bit nice to know that someone had high hopes for him, even as they would inevitably be crushed. That was irrational, though. It made no sense. He was supposed to be relieved by his freedom, and yet...
He would have to focus on the concrete aspects of her words. So long as Foxpaw didn't turn out to be a traitor, he could more or less do as he liked. "I can do that much," he said with a shrug. That was something. But still, not exactly the answer he'd been looking for. He'd been looking for an answer, somehow, despite having asked the question by accident.
"I guess out of all of us, at least one would have to be ordinary," Foxpaw murmured, mostly to himself. Many of his siblings had their own hopes of becoming Eforcers or high ranks. Between the litter, surely at least one would simply live a life in the shadows. Perhaps he should take that role.
Even so, Foxpaw paused. Perhaps there was still a way to squeeze a more specific reply out of her--enough to satisfy the apprentice's uncertainty, anyway. "But if I only did the bare minimum to be a warrior, you'd be upset, wouldn't you? You'd wish I'd done more with my life."
Huh, he didn't seem to be all that pleased with that answer, although Foxpaw was more challenging to read than his other siblings. So she might just be reading into it wrong. This mothering thing was harder than it looked, and she had a newfound respect for all mothers. Had she said the wrong thing? Ugh, she hated her kits sometimes. Look now she was second-guessing herself! Damn it!
The leader huffed softly to herself and shifted her front paws as Foxpaw asked an even more troubling question. Wonderful, now she had to think about this. She wouldn't think too long or hard since she would end up contradicting herself somehow.
"Well, I certainly wouldn't be happy about it. If you're going to be a warrior you should naturally try to be the best you can be. Even I can't accept you doing the barest amount of work to get by like it's some sort of chore. I can't have laziness not even from my kits. You don't have to be the best but you certainly shouldn't go out of your way to be the worst. You should take some pride in your clan, your training, and your family." She grunts softly, still feeling like she is saying something wrong here.
"What do you want to be?" Dawnstar flips his question on him after a long thought. "I know several of your siblings are set on becoming my deputy or an Enforcer, what about you?" Was he uncertain? Is that why he was picking her brain?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuspiciousMindz
[Scorpionpaw]
ShadowClan Apprentice
25/100
No Purrks
"MAMAAA"
A shameful Scorpionpaw would scream from the clearing, waddling over to her Mama's den with her head low and her tail drooping across the ground. Being only six moons, she was going through the phase of being small and having big feelings... well as much feeling as she could muster. It was more of a lack of work, lack of feeling accomplished, that made her approach her Mama today.
She'd push her way into the den, her eyes glimmering darkly in the dimmer lighting. Something was hidden deep in those eyes that the outside comedic was attempting to mask. "Mama, I'm failing. I'm the worst apprentice ever," Scorpionpaw began, dragging her paws until she was at the edge of Dawnstar's nest before she'd slump down with a sigh. She missed the easy moons, just laying in this familiar nest and den with her family. "Midnightsun hasn't trained me at all. I don't even think I know what he looks like. No one is helping me. I asked Flytail and Blackpine for training and so far nothing's come of it. Bleedingpaw is very helpful, but I don't know if his training is official or not..." she caught herself rambling.
Scorp would shut her mouth and stare blankly at her Mama's paws from the low position she was laying in currently. She'd wait for some type of support or advice. Usually, any irritated or bitter tone went over her head when it came to Dawnstar and her siblings. It was beginning to become a trend that some cats might start picking up. Scorp was good at masking a lot of things, but dissociating and feeling a lack of emotion or connection was starting to show in her day-to-day interactions. Even now, her mask was fading to reveal a less emotional feline, showing enough intellect to shut herself up from rambling. Breaking the mask of the clown, she typically wore. "I'm doing my best to find help, I guess," she'd eventually sigh, a monotone voice escaping her for once.
Annnnnnd it was a loud one this time. Dawnstar could never tell if her kits were in actual danger or just whining when they were loud like this. Regardless by the time her daughter entered her den, the gigantic dark tabby would be in the middle of a stretch when the parasite came wandering in.
She looked fine, with no scrapes or cuts, which meant she was just being loud for the sake of being loud. Lovely. Dawnstar's golden eyes gleamed with a hint of interest as something swirled behind her daughter's eyes. Dawnstar sat back on her haunches as Scorpionpaw trudged over to her nest and flopped down like all her stringers were cut. The leader's tail swishes out to brush against the she-cat ear as she listens to her current problem.
No training for how long now! This wouldn't do. Irritation burns within her amber eyes as she leans down so she's more level with her blankly staring kit. The flat tone and lack of blabbering from the usual jovial kit might have been strange if Dawnstar wasn't certain she had birthed a litter of weirdos. There's always been something a little too forced with Scorpionpaw, unlike Weepingpaw and Houndpaw who were just pure emotion. It's not like Dawnstar cared all that much about it though, so long as she remained family and didn't turn her back on them, she could play at whoever she wanted to pretend to be. The mother was fascinated in picking this one mask apart though. Later.
"How insulting. I gave him the honor to train my precious kit and he does nothing with it. and don't even get me started on Blackpine and Flytail. You should be pestering the Enforcers with your training if your mentor proves to be a dud. Bleedingpaw's training will count if you've learned something from him, but you'd still need an official training session with a warrior." Dawnstar sighs, gingerly moving to stand and tower over her brat. "Come on, I'll teach you how to do some hunting and work on your stealth, hopefully, you won't be behind your siblings. I'll find you a better mentor at the next meeting. However, if this one fails you as well inform me sooner. I can't tear a cat's limbs from his body if he's already an away."
__________________
siggy art by redshiftreign
Dawnstar is the leader of ShadowClan. She has a semi-closed den policy as in do not enter without asking permission first or her fangs'll greet you. ShadowClan Resources ||| Dawnstar ||| ||| Kit Curriculum Finder
So that was it. There was no answer. He was going to get no explanation, ever. The why the real why and not some stupid justification from a mouth he couldnt trust and didnt believe was going to haunt him. For the rest of his life he'd wonder why and so be unable to trust because he didnt know why someone he knew loved him and betrayed him. Which meant anyone could, because he didnt know why they wouldnt.
The tom whirled, a snarl bursting from him, half because of the answer and half because a wrong pawstep sent him straight to the floor as a leg jerks away as if it wanted to run without his permission at this news. In a way it was funny, and between fury and heartbreak a bit of some sardonic humor flashed across his face. What was he thinking trusting anyone, Bleedingpaw was born unable to trust his own body so it was only fitting.
The golden bengal mightve gone storming off to throw a tantrum somewhere, anger misplaced onto Dawnstar too at an answer that'd never be satisfying when his eye caught on a shining glint at the back of the den.
Among the leaders treasures was a rock. A stupid little red shiny rock collect by a child, a naive baby eager to make everyone around him happy and love him not knowing that love wouldnt be enough to stop them hurting him too. Dawnstar had kept his rock.
Bleedingpaw stilled from where he was struggling to his paws, having kind of thrown himself halfway to the exit to leave, and just kind of stared at it a moment, chest heaving. "What about you?" He forced himself to ask. "Theres no 'why' of why She did that despite loving us. Or at least none we can ever understand or know or something stupid. So would, will you do this to me too? Would you betray me, hurt me, lie to me too when Ive only tried to please you? Or is it just how it is to live expecting pain at every turn." In some way the tom knew he was revealing a weakness in this, admitting he loved Dawnstar too and that his actions were a bid to try and earn the same in return. What did it matter if he admitted it, if she was just the same as her daughter and everyone else its not like the inevitable betrayal would hurt more or less saying it directly for once.
The irony must be sickening. A child who loved their parents thinking (be it true or not) they had to please them to earn the love in kind, only to loose that parent to betrayal left to watch the world with wary eyes.
The difference was Dawnstar had known in her own paranoid way that (at that time especially) she could trust no one, and Bleedingpaw wasnt quite as sure. So that was the core question, no one could read the future but would Dawnstar strive and continue to not try and betray and hurt him? Trusting her answer, her word, after was a different matter, but Bleedingpaw was laid bare here desperate to know if he should just give up on giving himself if it was useless.
Re: ShadowClan Leader's Den
