ThunderClan: Life Before 2023's Sinkhole

[carmen]

FOXPAW
She grinned openly at Flameheart. She was her first apprentice. For some reason, despite the other cats age, she felt like she had more experience in teaching sometimes, like Foxpaw was her second or third apprentice, but what from what she’d heard from others, Flameheart was always helping others out, so that didn’t come as much of a shock. This was only confirmed when Flameheart added the word ‘official.’ Of course she’d had other non-official ones. For some reason it made her feel just a tad jealous- not that she’d say that.

Ha. And now she was getting lectured on confidence, something that she really didn’t feel like she needed to know. She knew exactly what came with confidence, and sure, ego was part of it, perhaps an bigger aspect than she had thought. Yet she could still remember the feeling of being untouchable, on top of the world. That had shattered a long time ago, when one after another every cat she had started to care about died. One. Two. Three. All of them gone before she could say anything. And again and again she built up the idea that she could make it through without abandoning her trust. And again and again she watched them let her down. Flameheart was helping her now, but how long until she died or dissapeared as well? And when that happened she needed something to stop her from collapsing. That was where ego came in.

Confidence was never something she had been lacking. Trust, on the other hand, was something that she was damn well sure she had given up on. “Yeah, I guess I’m not untouchable.” Her smile had dropped a few moments ago, but she faked another one, pretending that she could what she was talking about. Confidence could lead to ego, but having confidence could work as a sheild as well. She needed help now, but the moment someone let her down, she was ready. It was a pattern that repeated over and over again, and when it did happen she’d be ready.

Flameheart started to speak again, and she moved her head back to the molly, gald to have moved off the topic. She didn’t want to think about anything, not what had just been discussed. “Hello, Sootfur.” She nodded her head respectfully. So they were mates, that was one thing she hadn’t gotten wrong. Her face twitched into a grin at her offer of answering any questions. As iun as that would be, she wasn’t interested in love, especially not now. Flameheart’s eyes moved back to Thunderwillow, and she whispered something Foxpaw couldn’t hear.

Sootfur’s response to their introduction was mildly entertaining, and a tad lovey. It was felt wrong, frankly, to hear this cat, multiple moons younger than her reassuring her that she would be an incredible warrior, but that wasn’t his fault. He seemed to notice Flamehearts reaction around the same time as Foxpaw, and she watched as he laid his tail across her back reassuringly. Something was going on there, but now wasn’t the time to figure out more. Her mood had dipped, and everything felt like it was going wrong.

Here they were, two new apprentices joining their ranks. There was more that she wanted to say, but she couldn’t think of it, her voice caught in her throat. “Vixenpaw! Woodpaw!” Her voice was drowned out by the others, but she still spit the words out. Her head tilted as Sparrowstar continued talking. What else was there to do? Oh.

This hurt. Why did it hurt. Her eyes moved to Softpaw, watching the shock on her face melt into excitement as she walked towards the Thunderwillow. Emberpaw’s face mimicked the same emotions. She should be happy for them. Come on Fox, be happy for them. They deserved it. They deserved to be warriors. They shouldn’t be apprentices forever. Not like her. It stung. She could see the pride in Sparrowstar’s eyes as she looked at the two of them. She wanted to be there. She wanted to be the one standing there with everyone grinning at her. She shouldn’t feel like this. Jealousy was an ugly emotion, one she hated. And one she couldn’t control.

It was the speech that did it, made her stomach turn, just a tad. “Softsky! Embertalon!” She made it through the names quickly, finishing before the rest of the chanting was completed. Softsky. She caught the name, and felt something jump up her throat. She didn’t know if it was intentional. Was she supposed to be named after Cindersky? She couldn’t help but feel that this wasn’t a coincidence. Cindersky. One of the first cats who had actually tried. One of the growing list of cats who hadn’t gotten to live to see their legacy. Hey, she had a legacy now. That, that wasn’t too bad.

But she was still gone and that wouldn’t change anything.

Flameheart’s usual enthusiasm was matched by her mate, and Foxpaw turned back to her. “I’m going to go sit with one of my friends.” Not that there were any. She couldn’t deal with the enthusiasm. As much as she wanted to ditch the jealousy, it wasn’t leaving, and she couldn’t be around somehow who was just so… happy. She didn’t have anyone to talk to. Instead, Foxpaw wandered to the side of the clearing, away from everyone.

Embertalon looked shocked by something she couldn’t pick up on, but that was okay. She never was able to tell what anyone was thinking. It wasn’t something she cared about anymore. Softsky’s face was something easier to read, something closer to pain. She could remember more now, that Softsky had been Cindersky’s adopted child. Jealousy burst through her body again. She had barely known Cindersky, but she was someone who had mattered to Foxpaw. Cindersky probably never cared anymore about her. To her, Foxpaw was no more than that one cat at that one meeting. Softsky was lucky.

No, she wasn’t lucky. She had lost her and she knew the other actually cared. That was worse. Probably. She had to leave before she did something worse, but she couldn’t do that. It was important to stay in meetings, to listen to what was happening, not that she cared about what was important. The only important thing was that everyone else thought it was. She was fine. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was ever wrong. She couldn’t stay out here at the sides where her thoughts could get to her. Pick someone. Now. Her head swung around the clearing and she stumbled over to the closest cat who she remotely cared about.

“I hope you don’t mind.” She looked at Cinderpaw, before turning back to the Thunderwillow. Her face burned with embarrassment. This was the only one who was close to understanding and sometimes, she felt like she was the one who couldn’t get Cinderpaw. This other cat had died, and came back, and Foxpaw had barely noticed. She'd been through everything Foxpaw had, yet Foxpaw had barely noticed her existence. It was disgusting, she was disgusting. She’d been wrapped up in her own irrelevant problems the whole time. This was the first time they had spoken since, well, since Shadowclan, and even then it had never been the two of them. There was so much she wanted to say, but now wasn’t the right time.

She wasn’t paying attention when Sparrowstar continued, but it wasn’t complete ignorance. Her idea wasn’t the perfect solution, nothing was the perfect solution, but it would have fixed some of what came when she was younger. It just, didn’t fix everything, and so much it were simply opinions. Something was missing, but she couldn’t think straight. Her mind was running circles around her, and she had given up on trying to decipher it.

“I’m sorry.”
@SpiritedWarrior @Wingnettle @littlelove @WinterMara @Rizo
[For the mentions]

[perseus.]

Honeysplash and Ospreypaw called out, "Embertalon and Softsky!" though went quiet when new things will be taught to kits, Osprey hummed, maybe he could get some of those, espically the ones with herbs.

[littlelove]

Cinderpaw nearly jumped as another cat sat next to her unexpectedly, head whipping around to see who had interrupted her train of thought; and meeting Foxpaw's eyes.

...Ah. Even she could read the embarrassment apparent on her companion's face, quickly looking away out of respect. Birds of a feather they were, it seemed. Two of the pawful of apprentices left from their generation. The soot-furred apprentice didn't mind giving the comfort that Foxpaw was probably seeking. She wondered if it would give the splotched molly any respite to know she wouldn't be the last apprentice left. "...Nah. 'S fine."

She figured that would be the extent of their conversation, but a mumbled apology from Foxpaw caught her attention. Cinderpaw's eyes turned back to the other overgrown apprentice, tail stub twitching in curiousity. Foxpaw hadn't really done anything to make her mad, or put the clan in jeopardy, or anything. She'd just... been there, kinda, and with the tilted scale of bad to good in Thunderclan that was pretty alright. Her brow raised questioningly.

"F-for?" Asked Cinderpaw, hoping her genuine confusion came across. If she couldn't place what had happened between them, she reckoned it wasn't anything that needed an apology. But hey, maybe apologies she didn't need would make up for the ones she'd never get.

[ @Pheasantflight ]

[*longfire*]

Originally Posted by littlelove

Frogpaw just wouldn't let the whole nest thing go, would she? Part of Cinderpaw was glad the younger molly was persistent - despite her shyness, continuing to stand up for what she thought was right would get her places - but she was fine. "I can m-m-make my own later. You've got more im-important things to f-focus on. 'Sides, you al--ready said you're gonna come sit with me so-so-sometimes, right? That's enough." She responded firmly, hoping she would quit chasing the topic. It wasn't her job, she was a kid!

The feeling of paws against her shortened, scarred tail made Cinderpaw jerk away from whatever was pulling at it. She was still iffy about others touching her scars. Whipping her head around, the grey apprentice's eyes met a certain rascal staring wide-eyed at her and then promptly chasing after her own tail. The massive she-cat let out a jolly laugh. "I-I'm not the o-one who made the nest! You sh-sh-should come n' thank Frogpaw for it inste--ad of me."

Turning to Thunderblaze, she noticed the dark warrior's face turning grim. She didn't know the specifics of the tom's family situation, but figured she could connect some of the dots from what she had heard at the last gathering from Sparrowstar. The kits' mother hadn't made it. "They're in good p-paws here."

[ @Kat @Miss Christmas Spirit @Little Dakota ]

the tom nodded his head very small" im glad being a warrior and a father is hard so i can't visit very much because of myy duties i thank you for coming in and give cheer to the young ones" he meowed sotly not grinning again as he was stille depressed

@Kat @Miss Christmas Spirit

[error]

Bushtuft snoozed and dreamed gay dreams.

[Willow_Tree]

Quietkit

Quietkit looked a bit sheepish and apologetic as her brother started filling her in on Sparrowstar’s announcements and the events that had occurred before she had woken up at come out to join the meeting. It looks like she had missed some pretty important things after all. She was intrigued to hear of the two new warriors that had been appointed, and she looked over at them with wide eyes, wondering if she’d ever get that far. Of course it would be slow going since she’d been lost for so long in the twolegplace, but she was determined to make up for the time she’d been gone. She knew for sure that she’d be an apprentice long after her brother had already become a warrior, but she didn’t care. He had most likely been working hard and training, while all she’d been doing was wandering from one place to another trying to find her way back home.

She blinked in surprise when Rainpaw told her that there was a new curriculum for kits that was being put in place by Sparrowstar. That was definitely new and entirely unexpected, to her at least. She had no clue what might have happened here while she was gone for Sparrowstar to put that in place. That made her a bit apprehensive and disappointed though. Technically, she’d never had her apprentice ceremony, so she was still a kit. Did that mean she would have to complete those lessons before she could become an apprentice? It was a bit embarrassing to think about, and she hoped she didn’t have to, but if it meant becoming an apprentice, then she would gladly take those lessons. Even if it did mean that it would delay her apprenticeship ceremony.

Quietkit looked around as other cats started to volunteer for something, and she gave a confused twitch of her ears before she realized that they were volunteering to teach the lessons that the kits had to learn. She smiled as Flameheart stepped forward, still very grateful to her for helping Rainpaw find her the day that she rejoined. She doubt she would have ever gotten back to Thunderclan otherwise, given the condition she was in. She glanced at Rainpaw, wondering if apprentices could volunteer. She was pretty sure her brother would be an amazing teacher, especially with how thoughtful and kind he was in helping her get used to life back in the Clan. She looked back up at Sparrowstar, wondering if there was anything else that their leader was going to announce. She hoped so, as she didn’t want to have come to the meeting, just for it to be over!

@SpiritedWarrior

[littlelove]

Jaystorm was in a foul mood.

Well, it was a rarity he wasn't these days -- he was already an aggressive and confrontational sort before, but since the day of his son's exile, his demeanor had only further soured.

He was a man focused on legacy, focused on making a name of himself and his kin, but how could he with a child like that? One that could cause problems but couldn't clean them up. That was not what Jaystorm had taught his son, no, and he was ashamed that his exile would likely be the final name his kin made of themselves.

Part of the tom would be more than happy to die pretending he'd never had such a disgrace of a son, of a bloodline... most cats of Thunderclan were not nearly old or loyal enough to remember his arrival with his kit countless seasons ago anyway, and not a single other soul in this clan knew of his other progeny. Worst case scenario, he could just say Sleetkit hadn't been his though they had an undeniable resemblance. However... there was a single barrier in that path. A monument to every single one of his son's failures, erected in the middle of their clan...

... And her name was Cinderpaw.

Jaystorm hadn't been a particularly paws-on father, and even less so of a grandfather, but that child's relation to him was undeniable. The same frame he had carried in his prime, the same split-color eyes, the same dapples that marked him and Sleethound's pelts (though lessened into speckles) - they were even in the same places as his, for Starclan's sake! Not to mention her demeanor -- that once-aggressive nature was him through and through, though without any of the charm.

And that child was Sleethound's. Every clanmate knew it; they'd watched that infernal son of his toss the girl off of the Thunderwillow! That was the reason he had been exiled. Even the next gathering after his trial had been notified of his dishonorable discharge from the clan. The elder would not spout his opinion on the 'punishment' the child had gotten from her father... though, she was much, much too loud and proud for him to find any pride in her afterwards. First she whines on about being abandoned by warriors after the moons he'd spent serving their clan, then she demands an execution for a well-respected warrior after she 'caused' the death of not even a full warrior, and then she went and got herself kidnapped by the guppies. He had maybe had faith in her carrying on his legacy in a way he could have been proud of, once -- but now, Jaystorm saw nothing but but a pest reflected in his blood.

And she had died. Jaystorm had been rid of the crumbling ruins that were his bloodline, for a few blessed moons... but by the power of Starclan, she'd made her way back into the living world. Not once in his years had the ancient tom ever had personal contact from the dead, but in just a few moons his clan saw an unprecedented amount of revivals. Two former leaders, plenty of warriors and apprentices (one even coming back twice!) and now... her. If he still had any youth within him, he'd have gone to the Starcave to investigate these reanimations himself.

But now, that girl was back, and they most likely wouldn't be rid of her until after his achy joints gave out for the last time, and there was nothing the elder could do about it.

Speak of the devil, a certain soot-colored apprentice made her way into the elder's den, carrying a sizeable clump of moss and brambles with her and almost tripping over vines that had fallen between her paws. It seemed, since her revival, she had begun to pick up a lot of slack in apprentice and kit-rearing duties, among others. It wouldn't do much to patch the holes in his tarnished legacy, but the bony tomcat figured it was a start.

"If y'need a n-n-nest done, please c-come n' drag it ov-over here." She called. That new stutter and gravelly timbre grated across his ears every time. How much prey did he have to catch the next coyote for it to take her whole voice next time? Jaystorm rolled his eyes as he stretched his stiff limbs and went to move his soiled nest to the entrance.

"Your father had to do this part himself as a boy, you know." It seemed his mood was particularly cross today, because he'd never mentioned the girl's father to her face before.

Cinderpaw, who had been minding to her self and weaving a new (inexcusably messy) nest, seemed to freeze in place. Her claws sunk into the moss she was meant to be making into something useful, poking holes in it. Jaystorm grimaced even further. "He never put holes in them, either."

"What d-d-do you kn-know about my father?" The apprentice asked, flat tone betraying the dangerous rise of the fur on her spine. Ah, she was still prickly over that day's events, wasn't she? He really should have figured, but part of him wondered why specifically this child couldn't seem to let go of her past.

Well... someone would tell her, sooner or later. Especially if he was in the habit of being so sharp with her. Besides, she'd been minding his nest since the first quarter-moon she'd been back, after a brief recovery period. She deserved to know, if nothing else. His legacy was dust, and there was nothing good to come of ignoring his relation to her -- besides no one to bury him when he finally succumbed to his years.

"He was my boy, girl. Raised him from a kit. Thankless work, too, since his mother refused to be involved." Jaystorm grumbled. And, from the looks of it, the same had happened with both of her parents.

Just like that, any fight that flared in Cinderpaw's mismatched eyes fizzled out. Quickly and silently, the apprentice finished up the job she had taken up and fled from the den, avoiding her grandfather's identical eyes.

He let out a tense huff. Children these days didn't know a thing about being polite. The elder took his new nest between his teeth to drag it back to where he liked it, and settled himself in.

If she was good for nothing else, at least the girl could make a barely-usable nest.

[closed]

[Shade.]

Originally Posted by Snowyflake

Foxwillow whimpered as a tremor of pain rolled through her belly. What was happening?

@Shade.

Rosepaw was going over to check on the queen's that were due. She was aware she hadn't been doing a lot around here, which was kind of a blessing since it meant noylt many were getting hurt. Perhaps an herb patrol might do her good, thought.

The small cinnamon molly walked in, her nose being hit with tge scent of the nursery. Many found it comforting but not her, as her experiences here had been stressed. Like this experience.

"Oh dear, Foxwillow, are you okay?" she asked, seeing a queen suddenly whimper.

[gravekeeper.]

(Guys the kits are like 1 and a half months old now)

Featherclaw sat down grooming herself, wondering how her kits were doing, and if they were doing alright.


Kit mentions: @Quietheart @ImSoTired @Ronfaure @Silverdream @birdie

[calix_is_silly]

Originally Posted by Holly Jolly Ashie

(Guys the kits are like 1 and a half months old now)

Featherclaw sat down grooming herself, wondering how her kits were doing, and if they were doing alright.


Kit mentions: @Quietheart @ImSoTired @Ronfaure @Silverdream @birdie

Hawkkit bounced around, looking for something to do. Her litter-mates were probally still sleeping, so she had nothing to do.