~ I Feel Lost (A FawnPaw of SkyClan monologue) ~

[Dakotaa]

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~ I Feel Lost… ~
~ Featuring; FawnPaw Of SkyClan ~

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FawnPaw was back out on the territory alone. She had given her legs a few days to rest since she had ran many errands days before. FawnPaw had a lot of fun looking for herbs, and would love to do it again. A warm feeling fills her heart as she thinks of the exploring she got to do. She was proud of herself for the effort she put into walking and not collapsing!

Today she had a new mission, For FawnPaw wanted to climb a tree… She’d seen many cats do it before and wanted to take a shot at it! She was able to walk for hours the other day, so it shouldn’t be too hard to climb a bit, right? FawnPaw eagerly approaches a tall tree, adrenaline pumping through her veins. I’ve got this! I can do this!

The long legged Molly started warming herself up by stretching and doing mild exercises to prepare for the big climb. This is going to be great! I’m going to seem so awesome! She couldn’t seem to get her legs to stop quivering though… Star Clan, please let me do this! I’ve never once lost my faith in you, don’t lose your faith in me…

FawnPaw lifts a paw and places it on the tree to feel the texture of its bark... Rough and dry… Perfect! She scouted out the places where her claws could fit into to grip onto the tree, allowing her to easily move up… Once she finished fully studying the tree, she stepped back… 3… 2… 1…

FawnPaw took a running jump at the obstacle in front of her and dug her claws into the tree. She began trying to pull herself up. Don’t look down… don’t look down…! After a couple second, FawnPaw couldn’t grip on for much longer and let go… She was disappointed when her paw’s touched the ground almost immediately… FawnPaw didn’t climb up at all…

Frustration… that is what she felt. FawnPaw felt pure frustration. I’m not giving up yet! She stretched one more time and tried to give herself more words of encouragement… You’ve got this, FawnPaw! Once again, she placed her paws on the tree and tried to pull herself up. She wasn’t getting anywhere and her legs ached… Finally, FawnPaw decided it was time to let go…

Stepping back from the tree, FawnPaw felt mad at herself, mad at the world… Her thin legs quivered like crazy but she still didn’t take a seat… She couldn’t do something so… so simple for a cat her age… She was mad at her ancestors for not supporting her… They are supposed to support her…! Anger bubbled in her chest, and in a blinding rage, she screamed. “GOD D-DAMN IT STAR CLAN! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!”

She plopped down but not by choice… Tears filled the speckled she-cats eyes as she processed the situation… I can’t do it… More rage filled her heart as the looked up to the sky… It was getting dark and the stars were beginning to show themselves… She couldn’t believe that star clan was really watching, and it made her even angrier.

“W-Why?” FawnPaw broke out into sobs, “Why d-do you h-hate m-m-me?” She hisses sadly. “I-I did n-nothing but love you a-and I p-put all m-m-m-my faith in y-you… I… I even t-trusted you!” She cried out. “Is it b-because I’m n-not clan born-n? Is-is that w-why?” She pleads… “Why c-can’t I ever b-be good enough!”

FawnPaw hid her head in her paws and sobbed as Clouds began to cover the stars above… Why does FawnPaw have faith in something that doesn’t have faith in her…? Why do I still care about you…? FawnPaw weakly stood up, shaking her head. Her face was wet from crying and tears still dripped down from her face… It’s time to go home…

FawnPaw looks at the tree once more and sighs… she walks back to camp with her head low and her ears folded back…

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