RiverClan Leader's Den

[BEAR.]

Ah, yes. The rule. Of course he knew about that rule. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," Lionstar told her. "We're not a Clan of savages, unlike some of our wonderful neighbors. You're a guest, but unfortunately I believe you may have spent a little too much time away from your home." Lionstar flicked his tail as he began to head out of his den.

"Come along, you two! We'll drop Patches off in WindClan camp itself, I doubt anyone will mind. Is anyone there anymore? I hardly see them unless there's a Gathering, and they weren't looking great. You're not looking great, maybe we should call you Bone since you're so bone-y. What is that Brightcat even doing anymore, is she sitting in her den like Fallenstream used to do? Yikes..!"

@RedHead, @Dipper

[Fawn]

Fawnsqueak had broken away from the noise of the clearing and final moments of the meeting to arrive in Lionstar's den as requested. In his chest, his heart rate had quickened against the constraints of his ribcage as he shouldered inside, eyes adjusted to the dim light as he noticed Lionstar inside. Any greeting melted on his tongue, swallowed down by nervousness while he wondered what this could be. His appreciation was one thing in front of the Clan, another entirely in the privacy of the den when he could be blunt, outright tell him that he should've done better. Fawnsqueak managed a little smile, crooked, but it faded as he asked, "What is it, Lionstorm?"

[BEAR.]

Lionstar was out of whack, tail twitching with unease as he paced the length of his den. Back and forth and back and forth. He was restless, the conclusion of the meeting forcing him to focus back on his thoughts. On Frostfall. On leaving Frostfall behind. On letting him go because it felt like that was the only good option. The only thing that would benefit the Clan, that would stop resources from being wasted on a cat fated to die.

But he was conflicted. He felt bad, this knot in his stomach that began during the meeting was like a tight ball that suffocated his breath and made him see spots. He didn't want Frostfall to die. An old friend, an enemy-- a cat that should have died not at the paws of ShadowClan, but at Lionstar's claws.

It was like a piece of him was stolen in a single slash, and it left him feeling frustrated. Hurt. Wronged. Frostfall died and that left Lionstar with.. nothing. The only comfort he had was knowing he took Icestar down a peg, but at what.. what price?

Because no matter how frustrated he felt, how he tried to think of ways he wanted Frostfall to go, it didn't change.. the fact he was gone. And what remained of him was still in ShadowClan.

Ears twitching, Lionstar's eyes lit up when Fawnsqueak arrived in his den! Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn Fawn-- he was here!

Fawnsqueak. His Fawnsqueak. Fawn would know if he did the right thing, right? Of course he would. It was Fawn, and Fawn always knew what was best. Lionstar didn't always agree with him, but.. he knew he was.

"Fawn," his name felt like sand in his mouth, and Lionstar had to swallow for a moment to regain himself. "You're good at the moral thing, right? The whole 'was it the correct thing to do'? I've been thinking.. like. I know it's unusual to leave a Clan-mate's remains behind and that cats might not agree with that decision, but it's Leaf-bare, and Frostfall hardly did a damn thing, and.. ikindoffeelbadforleavinghimbehind but I don't know if I should because it's like, what choices did I have? Did I do the right thing? Was there a right choice? Should we launch a raid to recover him?"

@Dipper

[Fawn]

"Lion," Fawnsqueak echoed with the same inflection, rigid in the mouth of the den as he waited, breath shallow as if he was afraid a loud exhale would cause this moment to shatter. Whatever was about to happen between them, not that he could pinpoint what the meaning of this private meeting would be. It severely hindered his ability to prepare, make mental lists and maps to guide him through it.

The next thing that came out of Lionstar at least gave him the faintest of clues as to what this was. "Uh... maybe? I have a conscience and the motivation to be self-reflective, if that's what you're referring to." It was a little sarcastic, teetering on true uncertainty as he listened to where this was going. Oh... Frostfall. It was a stab in the gut as he recalled how they'd left things on a sour note. Frostfall had changed, a strange twist of the heart that'd overshadowed the good memories. Fawnsqueak still didn't understand what'd gone so terribly wrong that wrecked their relationship in a single night.

He snapped to the presence as he was getting overwhelmed with Lionstar inquiries. "Whoa, hey..." His wild desperation was unnerving. "Okay, let's take a step back." Fawnsqueak was going to need a moment to process the mess that'd been flung at him, and he reviewed it, jaw working in silent debate. "Look, I don't even.. understand the whole burial thing, to be honest. I get that it's a tradition or something, but we bury-- other things, too... and that's not a sign of respect really." It was a tough subject to speak on, especially in consultation with the leader when he felt as though he was lacking information to provide anything of worth.

Fawnsqueak's expression softened. A fond flicker of a smile crossed his muzzle, and he murmured, "You kind of accidentally said the quiet part out loud." The quiet part, something he knew was always in Lionstar, had always hoped was there. The quiet part was the unspoken, innermost feelings, Lionstar's own self-reflection that he tried to pretend didn't exist. It often wasn't revealed at all, so this was a rarity. Drawing in a deep breath, he started over to ask, "So... why do you feel bad? I know it's because you left him behind, but... why? Do you actually think Frostflight-- uh, Frostfall, would want you to get him?"

[BEAR.]

"I don't know.." Did he know? He could recall the look of desperation on Frostfall's face, the calls for help.. the weak movements as he tried to get to his paws, to move. It was unnerving. Was this how Fawnpaw felt when he saw Leopardshine die? "It's such a weird thing, isn't it? That.. he's gone. And what's left of him is rotting somewhere in ShadowClan as we speak." It was eating at him, the part of him that knew his former friend deserved.. better, at least to some degree. Damn it, Eagleflight. Why did he have to look like that? Lionstar didn't want to doubt himself. "He.. probably wouldn't with the state of the forest, but.. I don't think he would have left one of us behind."

Despite how lazy and assholic Frostfall could be, Lionstar never took him for the kind of guy to abandon someone. He was too.. soft. An issue Lionstar had with him for most of his time as deputy. "Fawn, please. Was it the right thing to do? ..Should we go back? We could always dump him in the outskirts and collect him during the defrost.."
@Dipper

[Fawn]

Fawnsqueak didn't know either but was hesitant to give him options to choose from, preferring Lionstar to have the ability to identify it himself. Perhaps it was guilt for enacting the raid, over the dissolution of their friendship, or maybe he was questioning himself since it hadn't came off well in the eyes of some of their clanmates.

Stirred by his comment, he winced. "Yeah, it's weird that he's gone." But the part about him rotting in ShadowClan territory had him shrugging, and he pointed out, "I don't know, he'd just be underground somewhere if he wasn't there." Fawnsqueak wasn't convinced that it made a world of difference presuming there was an afterlife, but he supposed Lionstar's own experiences had made it more real to him. "You know, you could just ask him. Like.. go to the Starcave and find out what he wants you to do."

When asked directly if it was right, his ears tilted back, gaze averting. Contemplation silenced him for several moments. "I'm not sure if going back is actually that... viable? Under the circumstances." Even if they were only present to collect their dead, he couldn't imagine taking that risk when ThunderClan was ready to swing blows at them in ShadowClan's defense. There was another bout of quiet between them until Fawnsqueak swallowed, dying to know and dreading to ask,

"...Is this because you guys never made up?"

[BEAR.]

Go to the Star Cats??

Absolutely not. Lionstar had to chuckle at the absurdity of the suggestion. "Oh, deerling, no.. why would I want to talk to him? He'd.. be useless. He might not even show up! Who knows where he went, Frostfall wasn't exactly loyal to anyone." And he was a traitor! What kind of cat would deliberately disobey orders? "No, I don't.. want to see him, if he did come."

It wasn't.. viable? Lionstar wanted to disagree despite the curl of his stomach that told himself Fawnsqueak was right. "You think Icekitty is going to do anything after that loss she just had?" Yes. If not now, later.

!!!!!

NO.

NO NO NO NO NO. Lionstar's ears flattened and his hackles raised, a low hiss in his voice. "There is nothing between us to make up! Frostfall was a traitor, lazy, he was-- a coward to the last. Why would I want to make up with that? No-- he's not Frostflight, Fawn. Those are two different cats."
@Dipper

[Fawn]

Fawnsqueak's expression flattened. "If you care that much about where his burial spot is, you'd think you would at least want to talk to the guy again." Logistics aside, he was skeptical of Lionstar's motives after his instant rejection of the idea, though he couldn't say his own answer would've been different if given the opportunity to reconnect with Frostfall. It was better to leave things this way.

Loyalty drew a little huff of a laugh from him. "Yeah, I don't believe in that." However, he had an inkling Lionstar already was aware of his take on the loyalty propaganda machine. "And maybe he didn't either, but I get that he wasn't... all there? At the end."

Shrugging, he wasn't sure what would happen but gave a reminder, "ThunderClan is there now too." They might be a bit more enthusiastic to fight than ShadowClan, and he would personally bet a good amount of ShadowClanners wouldn't hold back either if they returned. "They're like... I guess-- coyotes? They're not much for the showing pain or stopping until they're literally lying dead on the ground." It was that brutish fight style, a true disservice to themselves.

Even if they didn't raise a claw to fight, he wasn't fond of the plan. "You know, we're not going back to Frostfall. We'd be going back for a corpse.." Near the end of the statement, his voice wavered with a surprising inflection of emotion from hearing the truth aloud.

Because he was expecting an overreaction like that, Fawnsqueak didn't flinch at Lionstar's hiss and the venom that spilled afterward. Frostfall or Frostflight didn't matter, they were both gone. "It's over, Lionstorm," was what he eventually settled on, gravelly with strain. "You can feel bad, or guilty, or whatever until your last life, but it's not like you're able to do anything about it." Frostfall had the last victory in that regard, taking Lionstar's chance at inner peace with him as he faded.

[pidgeon]

Eagleflight stood outside Lionstar's den, taking in a deep breath. He'd been contemplating this for a long while, and he finally came to his decision. He was nervous about how the leader would react. Would he kick him from the clan? Would he reject him as a friend? He felt like with the golden tabby's often volatile reactions, it would be hard to tell what the outcome would be. But here he was.

"Lionstar?" He called out. "Can I speak with you?"

[BEAR.]

"ThunderClan is coyotes," Lionstar mused, trying to move on from.. from.. what they were talking about. Frostfall had never been there for them.. he abandoned them to be selfish.. Lionstar shouldn't feel bad, right? "I'm glad our Clan isn't like that. We have common sense, those frog-heads and lazy squirrels should take some notes."

Lionstar didn't get a chance to talk about Frostfall's body, or guilt-- not that he was guilty, but this wasn't a discussion to say in front of Eagleflight. "We'll finish this later." He told Fawnsqueak, doing his best to keep a neutral expression on the matter. "I'm not done with you quite yet, deerling."

And just like that, he perked his ears up and beamed. "Eagleflight! Why are you asking? Come in, come in."
@Dipper, @Casper