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Old January 12th, 2021, 06:51 PM
Mila_Moonlight Mila_Moonlight is offline
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Default Story (this is for a school project plz give feedback)

So before you read a part of my story here's a little bit of the backstory of the book. The main character's name is Aldwin (for a little context behind the name it took me 4 weeks to research this and this name came from that decision). The time period of this book is in medieval times and it is also a fantasy book (ie. witches, wizards, magic swordsmen, and the list goes on and on. Basically, his parents are a witch and a swordsman... BAM placed together to guess what kid u get a magic swordsman. In this kingdom, if a kid like Aldwin is found to be able to wield both powers if forcibly removed from their parent's care and is placed in the Kingdomes authorities. But since Aldwin was not he is later in the book placed in horrid dangers. Please note I only have like 1 and 1/2 chapters done. SO IF ANYONE CAN GIVE ME MORE IDEAS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME AT ANY POINT (if it is on a weekend I probably will not see it)

Prologue

On the morning of a snowy day in the middle of winter, in the northern part of the Kingdom, Arkdorn. The snow lay deep everywhere, it was piled high on the bare limbs of oak trees and on rooftops, along with the massive fields and stone fences. In the night air you could hear the owls hooting and animals sleeping in the night.

Down through a very long road, was a house and inside that house a young boy slept. His name was Aldwin, his short blond hair glistened in the moonlight. For he had no idea of the adventures that awaited him but fate would make it sooner rather than later. For there were knights on horseback galloping toward his home...

Chapter 1: Night Killer

I awoke with a startle my mother was shaking the bed. Her right hand wes covering my mouth, I looked outside for the sun had only just started to shine. For there was still the morning fog that made it hard to see. In the next room over, I heard a shatter of wood and swords scraping against each other. Then the smell of burning wood and pine cones hit my nose.

“You must run far far away from here” my mother said in a hushed voice.

“Why must I run mother? Won't you come with me?” I said in a quiet voice. Worried at what she was going to say, for it might be soon where I can not hear her voice.

“No, my son I cannot” she said shaking her head “there are things you will learn in this world but you are too young it is too soon to tell you...” her eyes wide with worry from the words that she just spoke.

“What must I do mother?” I said with tears streaming down my face. My hands shook with worry that I could not conceal from her.

She looked at me and said“Take this ... I already packed for you” handing me the bag as she too was crying.

I took the bag from her hand, while wiping the tears that were on my face. My mother grabbed my hands and continued to talk.

“Run to the old windmill and call for Master Bjorn... tell him that hawks are within the walls” said mother.

Suddenly she let my hands go because someone screamed a horrid scream in the next room, as though someone had gotten terribly hurt. Mother made a motion for me to follow, so I did. I went as quietly as I could not making any sounds as I walked along the hallway. She opened the backdoor and ushered me out, I walked backwards facing her as I left my home, for I could see smoke billowing from the front side of the house. Once she closed the door, she again motioned me through the window and mouthed me to run.

But before I did a man in armor came through the door, he held a sword coated in scarlet blood and for he was wearing silver armor. Once I saw the sword I knew my father was dead, and this knight was my fathers killer. My mother started to pull out her wand, but before she did she was struck by a ristrictonie spell. This was the spell of restriction, it would bind any person's feet and arms bound until a wizard or witch disabled this spell. For this knight was no ordinary knight, for he was a Magic Swordsman.

Crying I turned around, and started running towards the woods that were next to the road. My eyes scanned the horizon making sure there was no one else. Before me the road was covered in new snow from the snowfall the night before. My heart beating in my chest, tears streaming down my face. The air around me was thick with the morning fog, and the air as cold as an icicle.

Nearing the old windmill, at the top of the highest hill in. I turned and saw smoke rising from the fields where I knew my home was. My face red with anger, and my eyes bloodshot red from crying. Remembering the words that my mother said, for I knew that they were preparing this for a very long time. One day I will avenge their deaths, I said as I was nearing the front door of the windmill.

I knocked upon the entrance of the old windmill and shouted... “Is anyone there, it's me Aldwin... My mother sent me” not knowing if anyone was there.

From within the old windmill I heard someone coming towards the front door. There was a noise as someone opened and closed a door from within the windmill. There were heavy and loud steps coming towards the door. When the door opened it was Master Bjorn he asked me...

“Who are you boy? And where do you come from” said Master Bjorn in a questioning voice.

“My name is Aldwin and my mother sent me. For she is the witch by the name of Alice, one of your aprentences. I come from this very village of Alorn” I said unsure if I should have told him the information which I gave.

“Let me think….” Master Bjorn said as he scratched his long beard, his eyes soon widend with recognition “oh yes I remember she was my only failure of my time. What did your mother tell you to tell me?” he said, in a hushed tone as though he was worried if another person could hear.

Confused I looked at his face and said “My mother told me to tell you that ‘hawks are within the walls’ she said nothing more but I saw... “ my lips quivered and tears streamed down my face.

Master Bjorn's eyes widened and then he said ”What did you see young one?”

Looking up at him, tears forming in my eyes I said “I saw my fathers blood on the knight's sword and smoke rising in the direction of my home” breaking into tears, for I could no longer hold my composure any longer.

Master Bjorn put his hands onto my face and said “Your parents said that this would one day happen. They gave me something to give you.”

Master Bjorn looked at me and opened his arms which I gladly took, I was scared and unsure with what was to come. He motioned for me to come inside which I did.

Once inside my surroundings had changed, there was no stone on the inside of the old windmill which surprised me. For it was wood and there were beautiful paintings that showed marvelous scenery from around the village. There was a large hovering chandelier which housed light fairies, the fairies shone at night and slept during the day. I stood in awe but I was soon pushed into a room with a stove. In this room I assumed was the kitchen, there was a smell of stew coming from the stove that was near me.

“Are you alright my boy? Is there anything I can get you” said Master Bjorn.

I nodded “No” but I was curious as to what the answer might be “What did my parents leave me?”

“It will be given to you when you are deemed worthy my son but I can give you the letter that they left for you” Master Bjorn said. Moving into another room, and came back with a letter at hand. “I will leave you to read the letter call me once you are done”

I nodded at him, he closed the door to the kitchen and left him to his thoughts. Then my attention came upon the letter that Master Bjorn gave me. On the front of the letter it held my name and on the back it held my fathers knight seal. I carefully opened the letter and I started to read the contents of the letter.

-------------
Dear son,

If you are reading this letter it is almost certain that your mother and I are dead or have fallen in the hands of enemies. Upon reading this letter do not hold tears but hold hope, because we are forever living in your memories and your heart. We want you to know that things will only get harder for you here on out.

Which is why we trust that you will train with Master Bjorn. To learn the ways to wield a wand for the power of light and not the darkness in your heart. To also learn the ways to wield a sword to help the kingdom of Arkdorn. This is because one day you will become a magic swordsman, this is because you have the blood of a Witch and a knight. When these two powers are combined as you know will make you into one of the most successful knights for any kingdom.

Upon reading this letter we want you to follow and become a disciple of Master Bjorn. He will tell and teach you everything he knows. May it be about swordsmanship or magic, he will answer your questions. But know this you cannot tell others your origins because if you do our enemies will become yours. Please listen to our warning and follow our words, Master Bjorn has agreed to become your master if you ask.

You are to be given two things, a wand that was created by your mother, she made while you were still too young to walk. It is carved with the design of the river because your life is like the flowing of water. This is because you will always have hardships in the future to come. But I am going to give you a sword but not just any sword. This sword was made by the elves and is made from the hardest and rarest metal. Again both of these items will be given to you my boy when your training is deemed done by Master Bjorn.

Please don't hold a grudge against our enemies because you will die a horrible death. Rather become strong and train until you can become a night of the Kingdom Arkdorn. For that is when you can freely tell your name because our enemies can not touch you there. My seal is hidden within the oak tree at our home once you are deemed fit by Master Bjorn to become a night of the castle, fetch the seal and proudly walk and become what I could not be my son. This is because the future of our family now rests on your shoulders and yours alone.

Thank you,
Your father Sir Knight Arlen
----------------


I started crying knowing that this was not a dream, it was my future. Knowing that the words my father wrote were true, I knew my fate and my destiny. For I would train and become one with what my father wanted me to be. After a while I calmed myself down, looking at the bag my mother gave me. I opened it and placed the contents on the table in front of me. My mother had packed me my swordsmanship training clothes, shoes, and a set of day clothes. After placing everything back inside my bag I stood up and yelled…

“Master Bjorn are you there? Master Bjorn” I shouted hoping that he could hear me.

“I am here right behind you boy” he said.

I spun around and almost knocked into Master Bjorn which made me lose balance. There was a loud thud when I fell onto the floor but quickly the Master picked me up. I brushed myself off for on the floor there was an abundance of dust and dirt.

“Are you alright?”Master Bjorn said in a gruff voice.

Knowing that this was the only way I could help my deceased parents “That I am but could we talk about my future” I said, forcing myself to sound as authoritative as I could.

Master Bjorn looked stunned but spoke “So we shall but only after you have eaten” he said, ushering me to go and sit down.

With a wave of Master Bjorn’s wand, there had been a meal set on the table before me, the luxury of fresh bread and porridge for breakfast. The smell of which made my tummy rumble for I had gone without my breakfast for some time. Remembering that this was something I would always eat with my parents; memories of them came like the flickers of fireflies. I slowly ate the warm bread and spoonfuls of porridge. After I was done eating I rinsed my plates and placed them on the countertop and waited for Master Bjorn to start talking…

Master Bjorn looked at me once I finished and spoke “So I see you have finished my boy, very well there are two things I want to say. One you are to be given a choice either stay to learn to fight or go to an orphanage by an alias of Mathew. Two I am so very sorry for your loss but you must remember that those words in the letter are the last will of your father and mother”

“I want to learn to fight because I want to learn the ways of the magic swordsman and become one with my destiny” I said in an affirmative tone, knowing that this was the only way to make my mothers and fathers final wishes come true.

“So be it from now on call me Master and I will guide you. But you must promise me one thing to use the sword and wand with light not darkness. Only then can you become a true apprentice of mine”

When he finishes speaking I know what I must do. I get on one knee and say “I, Aldwin son of Alice and Arlen, promise to only wield a sword or wand with the intention of doing good and it will only be used for the light inside of me, never darkness.” I said this was a knight's promise, something I would never break.

“I Master Bjorn take you in as my new apprentice for the next few years until you turn of age at 17. Which is when you will take the knight exames in the castle of Arkdorn '' he said with an authoritative voice.

“Which I will do, I will follow without any hesitation and become a man my parents had dreamed me to be,” I said, hoping this was to be my new fate. Slowly I stood up and faced my new Master, who would be my new teacher for the next two years.

“With that my lad I will tell you where your room is, go down the hall and on your right two doors down there's your quarters. Once inside change into your training clothes and meet me out front because your training has just begun” he said as though the words that he spoke were written on a card.

Once he was done talking he vanished, not knowing the spell I was amazed at his perfection in his magic. Astounded, for I knew that Master Bjorn was one to keep his words even if he was speaking on a whim. For a wizard could not lie or could not speak any false words. Before leaving the kitchen I grabbed the bag my mother had packed me and I quietly exited the room. While walking down the hall in front of the door that was my quarters for the next two years.

Once I opened the door I saw a beautiful luxurious bed, it was fit to hold any royalty. In the corner there was a table and chair, on them were beautiful carvings. There was a small wardrobe to hold clothes before I could venture more into the room I placed my bag on the nightstand and changed into my training clothes. There were things to learn because nothing was certain and only training can get me to make my father proud in heaven.



Chapter 2:

Two years later...


I awoke with a startle, the dream of my parents killer has been haunting me for two whole years. The smell of pine trees surrounds me and I hear Master Bjorn cooking breakfast in the kitchen. Knowing that I am not getting any more sleep that night I head outside towards the fields for my morning run. Which had become routine to keep my body physically fit and to clear my head whenever I was worried. Today will be my final test given by my Master, for after I pass he will send me to the castle with the final gifts given to me by my mother and father.

The sunlight was hitting the trees of the east which brings warmth to the world for the start of a new day. The land came alive with the sound of wildlife awaking. You could see the birds flying from tree to tree singing the early morning song. The landscape of lush green fields and meadows. Looking back at the windmill I sighed I hoped to become one with the sword and wand but I knew I should not think those thoughts. My master opened the door and waved at me to come in for my morning meal, this might be the last I would ever have in the windmill. I run towards and enter the windmill and walk into the kitchen.

Master pointed at me, his finger wavering as he said “Is that dream still bothering you Aldwin? Don't you dare lie to me” he said in an authoritative tone.

“Yes master…. Do you have any idea why it still bothers me it's been over two years since it happened” I said, poking at the food on my plate waiting for his answer.

“I don't know son but you should eat because your final test is today and I believe that you will pass with flying colors” he said chuckling at his own words.

“I don't think you should speak highly of me Master” I said worried at what was to come for not knowing at what the results might be.

“Don't be worried lad, the truth is you already surpassed my swordsmanship months ago and your magic control is on par with me. Making you one of the most qualified magic swordsmen as there are my friend” he said.

I did not dare respond to what he just said, so we sat and ate our breakfast in silence. Once I finished I picked up my Masters plate because it was empty. Standing up I walked towards the was bowl where I rinsed and placed the bowls on the counter. We looked at each other knowing that this might be the last day we are Master and Apprentice.

Once we were outside he gave me a sword, nor a practice or a wooden sword. This was the first time I held one. The metal shone in the light right then I knew what he had given me. For it had elven words on the sword. Those words were “mithar an disonica '' in human language it translates to “life and death”.

“Today Aldwin you will become one with this sword. From today on that sword will be yours and yours alone nor place your hand on the hilt and bring it to your forehead and you will know what to do from there because the sword will speak to you” said Master.

I did what my master taught me to do,I placed my left hand on the bottom of the hilt and my right hand above the left. Once I brought it to my forehead light engulfed around me, then I felt something burning where my hands touched me. Once the light died down I felt as though everything was lighter, I felt as though nothing could get in my way.

I looked down at my hands surprised by what I saw, tattoos were now on my skin. On my arms I saw feathers that were from hawks. This I did not understand I looked up at my master, trying to find an answer for which I knew he had.

“Interesting, very interesting,” said the Master, pointing at me “I now know why they put you in my care boy. Those markings are not ordinary markings. This is because they hold the power that no one in this kingdom has.” he said looking worried.

“Is this a good or bad thing master? Was the test a success?” I said urgently.

“Of course this is a good thing for the Kingdom of Arc Born and whether you passed or not… lets just say that you passed with flying colors” he said laughing.

“What does this mean master? Will I get to go and take the test at the Castle this year?” I said nervous at his answer.

“Yes you will my boy come here I have the wand that you will use right here” he said extending a long rectangular box my way.

I walked in front of him and took it eagerly to see his mother’s final making. This he knew for a fact because he had never seen his mother make any other wand except for one as a kid. As I opened the bos a necklace slid out. Puzzled I set the box down and looked at the necklace, then the memory hit me like an ice wall. It was the one that mother always wore whenever she was out and about. I put it on my neck as a reminder of who she was and who I will be in the future. I picked up the box for the second time and pulled out the wand.

I knew right then and there the maker of this wand was masterful and dedicated their life to the making on the wand. Each carving was made with the simplest strokes but it came to be one of the best and most beautiful wands there are.

Master looked at me astonished “That is one mighty fine wand… Congratulations you may go to the castle and take the knight exam this year. But you must remember that before you reach the castle it is not safe until you get there using your alias name. Do you remember what it is” said Master Bjorn.

“Yes, the one you gave me was Mathew” I remembered from my first encounter two years ago.

Master Bjorn looked at me with a scowl “Yes it is my boy, now there is also another thing to remember on your way to the castle and that is to trust no one. Not even the trees because wood nymph will be on your path towards the castle. I will also be giving you a letter of introduction on the day of the test and give it to the administrator, also in the stables your horse awaits you” he said.

“Thank you so much as I leave. Can I go and visit my old home there is something that awaits me there” I said with sadness in my voice.

Master Bjorn hesitated and said “If it was in the letter you must go and retrieve it. Today your journey starts you are no longer an apprentice Aldwin you are a free man. Now go everything is packed I assume”

I nodded my head yes because the night before I knew that today I would leave and become a knight for the Kingdom. To fulfill the wish of my parted parents and to make them proud of the man I have become.

“Now go and don't look back for I fear that you might soon encounter hardships along the way and remember my warning. You should also hide your wand to make it look as though you only come from knights blood until you reach the castle. Safe travels Aldwin and let the heavens be in your favor” said master Bjorn.

“Yes I will I shall hide it within the hollowed book that you gave me Master Bjorn and I will come again someday” I said while walking to the stables.

Upon arriving I see a magnificent black horse with my bag right next to it. I quickly open the bag and place my wand in the hollowed book that my master gave me on my birthday last year. I placed my bag in the saddlebags which were filled with food and water. There was even a sleeping mat and silver coins, I cried knowing if I came back my Master might already have passed.

I mount my horse and gallop away until I reach the ruins of my home. I walk over to the front entrance and I pull out my sword. I place it in the ground and I speak to my parents ashes “Mother and Father, if you can hear me I have passed both tests two winters have passed and now I can join the knighthood that you once joined father and I hope you are well” I said with tears streaming down my eyes.

Pulling out my sword from the ground, I walked towards the old oak which my father had placed his seal so long ago, inside the hollow log I found a box and inside that box there was a seal and my fathers knighthood ring. I walked back to my horse where it patiently stood. I place the box in the saddlebag next to my belongings.

I mounted my horse looking back for the last time at my home, knowing that I will never be coming back. The horse galloped and I followed the road in front of me. The woods to the right hand side of me and on the left lushes green meadows and fields.
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  #2  
Old January 13th, 2021, 10:13 AM
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TinyTiger1001 TinyTiger1001 is offline
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Default Re: Story (this is for a school project plz give feedback)

long!
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hey there my favorite quote from the warrior series is

“Fire will save the Clan...you never understood, did you? Not even when I gave you your apprentice name, Firepaw. And I doubted it myself, when fire raged through our camp. Yet I see the truth now. Fireheart, you are the fire who will save ThunderClan. You will be a great leader. One of the greatest the forest has ever known. You will have the warmth of fire to protect your Clan and the fierceness of fire to defend it. You will be Firestar, the light of ThunderClan." - Bluestar”

sorry if I don't respond quickly

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  #3  
Old January 13th, 2021, 10:15 AM
Mila_Moonlight Mila_Moonlight is offline
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Default Re: Story (this is for a school project plz give feedback)

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Originally Posted by TinyTiger1001 View Post
long!
yah... it took me a week to write this much
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Old January 14th, 2021, 08:20 AM
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ChillCat ChillCat is offline
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Default Re: Story (this is for a school project plz give feedback)

Wow! I really like it! The story's super creative and I like the characters.
Maybe run the text through a grammar editor, because the punctuation make it a bit hard to read tho @Mila_Moonlight
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Old January 14th, 2021, 10:37 AM
Mila_Moonlight Mila_Moonlight is offline
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Default Re: Story (this is for a school project plz give feedback)

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Originally Posted by TinyTiger1001 View Post
long!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChillCat View Post
Wow! I really like it! The story's super creative and I like the characters.
Maybe run the text through a grammar editor, because the punctuation make it a bit hard to read tho @Mila_Moonlight
ok will do thanks!!!!
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